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Tue 31 Jan, 2017 07:08 pm
I dont even know where to start. My ex and I are both 21. We fell in love when we were 17. He was my first boyfriend and first love, and I was his second relationship (he dated a girl for two years in high school). Since the beggining of our relationship it has been a cycle of breaking up and getting back together. In the first two years, it was because of his weed addiction, which i was not ok with. He would quit, then relapse, break up with me, hate his life, then come crawling back after about two weeks, and I would always let him because I loved him. In the most recent two years, weed is no longer in the picture,however he has been craving a life that he thinks he needs to be happy. He wants to be single and travel with his friends and even though he hasn’t said it, I believe he wants to sleep with other girls because he has only ever slept with me and his ex. He feels like he is too young to be in a serious relationship and that I am holding him back from what he wants to do.
He has said this everytime he has broken up with me, which seems to be every four months. He lives wildly for about two weeks (clubbing every weekend etc.) then comes crawling back to me when he realizes it doesn’t actually make him that happy. He has recently started at a new job at Flight Centre, where the culture there is very party orientated. Since he has started he seems to be very influenced by his colleagues, who encourage him to party hard and “live life to the max”. Since he has started, I knew it was only a matter of time before he left me again. Sure enough, two and a half weeks ago he broke up with me, saying that his heart wasn’t in it anymore and that I was holding him back. I took it very well and told him i understood and just wanted him to be happy. When he left i broke down in tears and I have been absolutely shattered since.
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I kept telling myself its just like every other time, and he will come back, but its been nearly three weeks and I havent heard a word from him. I havent tried to contact him because I know he needs space. I miss him so so much. I found out from a friend of a friend that he joined tinder the day after we broke up and has been talking to many girls on there. I found out last night that he went on a date with a girl, and took her to my favourite spot by the river. I am so devastated. I dont understand what is going through his head or how he could forget about me so quickly. I dont understand why he isn’t upset, or why he doesn’t miss me. Do you think he will still come back this time? I really want to fix things 🙁
@rachelg12,
No Rachel!
You can't do this to yourself, you owe it to yourself not to keep letting him do this. I sure as hell wouldn't. Move on, I know it's hard but if he's doing this three or more times already he will just keep doing it because he knows when hes burnt out youll be around to give him stability. I say find someone who wants to be with you. You deserve that much. I know you care about him but he doesn't care about you if he keeps doing this.
If you move on (which you should) youll see that you can love someone else and if they treat you even better, youll wonder why you were torturing yourself allowing him to keep coming back. Be strong, pick yourself up, have some fun and find a guy who will treat you better. Its not impossible.
He's a 21 year old kid, who has never been "single" since his teens.
He's just not ready or willing to settle down.
Don't allow him to get nurtured by you when he comes home like a beat-up Tom cat. Let him live thru his own ups and downs. He must do this to grow up.
In the meantime, you, too, should get out and live life and see how young men are basically immature. Seek an older guy if you want more experienced and mature guy.
@rachelg12,
rachelg12 wrote: I really want to fix things 🙁
why?
he has been breaking up with you non-stop
you're his safe place when other things don't work out
he needs to grow up
you need to find a really nice guy to be with
__
time for you to move on
there are much nicer guys out there
@PUNKEY,
Its just so hard to say no when he comes back because I miss him so much and want to be with him again that I want to forgive him for leaving. I think the thing I am struggling with is the fact that he seems fine. We are best friends, and have been together for so long, I dont understand why he isnt struggling with this at all
@rachelg12,
rachelg12 wrote:
Its just so hard to say no when he comes back because I miss him so much and want to be with him again that I want to forgive him for leaving. I think the thing I am struggling with is the fact that he seems fine. We are best friends, and have been together for so long, I dont understand why he isnt struggling with this at all
He feels he has nothing to lose. He can leave for a bit and come back any time because he knows you turn him a way. He doesn't care how it affects you, because he doesn't care about you.
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