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Tue 19 Oct, 2004 02:19 am
That subject title sounds harsh, I know. But let me explain:
I always knew I had a half-sister. For as long as I can remember. When I was young, she lived out of state, and had a phone/letter relationship with my dad. Er- our dad. Then when she was 18, she became pregnant and had a child out of wedlock. My father was infuriated. After that, he cut her out of our lives. At that time I would've been around 12.
For the past 2 or 3 years, I've been secretly looking for her. I eventually found her number. I held on to that number in my planner for God knows how long. I was afraid to call her. I didn't know how she would react to me. Rejection? Maybe.
Then I finally had the guts to call. God it was wonderful at first! I've been dreaming about this girl for a long time. Wondering how life with an older sister would be like. She accepted me with open arms. I was elated.
Then slowly but surely, she started telling me things I didn't know how to handle. Or wanted to hear. First of all, she revealed that I had yet another half-sister out there somewhere in the world. My father had never told me about this "other sister." I didn't know if I could trust her. Half-sister or not, she was still a stranger. Then more "uncomfortable" things started coming out. Like her occupation as a phone-sex operator. All-in-all, she sounds like a nut case.
Am I a cruel hypocrite?? I don't know if I want to further my relationship with her. And I'm so dissapointed. I assumed things about her. What she would look like, what job she had, where she lived, and etc. Such high hopes. I always wanted a "big sister" type, but she can never be a role-model to me. I'm disgusted with her "job," and find other little facts about her uncomfortable. I must stress how dissapointed I am. Should I giver her a chance? Does it matter that she and I share 50% of the same genes? We are still practically strangers.
what ever relationship you want is up to you..have you talked with your father about the possible half-sister..seems like your dad has done a lot of out of wedlock bed hopping ...and you wonder why your sister is a phone sex operator..hummm..seems something else might be up...and judge not lest ye be judged brother...you said your sister welcomed you with open arms...how can you be disappointed in that...but you have to deal with your level of discomfort and decide if a personal relationship is what you really want...i say give it a chance..good luck to you both.
Easy life
It doesn't sound like your sister has had an easy life. It could not have been easy for her to be disowned by her absentee father simply because she became an unwed mother. Was your father married to her mother when she was born? Your father's decision to cut her out of your lives seems a bit ironic and unfair.
Maybe your half-sister didn't have a good support system to help her deal with difficulties of becoming a single mom and earning a living at such a young age. Her ability to further her education would be limited. Perhaps she became a "phone sex operator" in order to stay at home with her child and to support her family to the best of her ability. Maybe her choices were limited.
Your disappointment, however, is common. The same is true of adopted children who finally meet their natural parents. They have spent so much time dreaming about the natural parent that it is rare indeed for that parent to live up to ideal of someone else's dreams.
She probably has issues concerning your/her father for disowning her. She is probably carrying some resentment and feels it is natural to talk to you about these issues. If she wants to talk about things that cause you discomfort--just tell her that you feel uncomfortable and change the subject.
Your long lost sister is just a person. She might not be the perfect role model that you dreamed about--but she might be someone you can love regardless of her faults. I think you should give her a chance to win your heart.
mchol- The choice is up to you. As others have said, the reality is usually never as rosy as the fantasy. Your half-sister is a human being, warts and all. She also has had a tough life, and probably has a lot of issues with your father, for abandoning her. Be careful not to become involved in HER issues.
Bottom line, it is up to you whether you want to continue the relationship with your half-sister. You have no history together, so she really IS a stranger. If you believe that the two of you have something that would benefit each other, if you LIKE her, continue the relationship. If not, IMO, you can walk away without any regrets!
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