According to the wisdom on this site, if you look at your partners phone or laptop, you're a messed up, untrusting, evil person (if you read through this site, you will get that gist). You'll see that in the badgering you received, while the issues most affecting you - your self esteem issues, and his behaviour were given just a comparative look over.
Personally, I don't think anyone who messaged/sexted and sent rude pictures to loads of other woman too, said he wanted to meet for sex
has not cheated, for a number of reasons:
- Many wouldn't keep talking with him if his advances weren't welcome, nor if they said yes and he didn't follow through
- he has directly said he wan't sex with them...why would he say that if he wasn't prepared to carry through?
- the drive associated with doing that with multiple women, almost always means he isn't satisfied with monogamy / will sleep around
There are always exceptions, but the likelihood of him being an exception seems extremely low to me.
That said, your post also showed some self esteem issues. Simplified, Self esteem (knowing who you are, what you think of yourself as a person, what value you place in yourself) enhances happiness and relationship when high, or undermines happiness and relationships when low. More specifically, it affects: your trust, your fears, how you handle conflict, how you deal with put downs, how you handle adversity, your empathy increases, your desire for others wellbeing increases, you start recognising when you're being used, you start finding that balance etc
there were some gorgeous girls on there from his home town i feel so ugly compared to them
See yourself for who you are. There are so many different features of a women that men consider beautiful / find attractive. You no doubt possess many that men find attractive (as different men are attracted to different things about a woman). There is also beauty in personality. And at a deeper level, there is beauty in character (if you marry a beautiful woman with a lively personality but an ugly character - you are in for a lifetime of hurt, or an early divorce)
I think im too ugly for him that he thinks he can do better, im not skinny enough nor pretty enough
These sort of things are emotional abusive. Many men with low self esteem engage in this sort of behaviour to lower their partners self esteem (otherwise worded 'to keep their woman at home' / 'to keep their woman under control'), even while they play the field to boost their ego (not self esteem)
he said hes sorry and it was the worst decision he ever made was doing it, he's realized how much i mean to him and doesn't want to loose me!
Compare this statement, to the quote above / what he said after you looked like you were going to walk out / to what he constantly says. They are poles apart. If you stay, he will eventually drift back to what he used to say (once he knows you are back under his control)
what the hell is wrong with me?
You are with a man with low self esteem. He (likely subconsciously) ensures your self esteem is lower than his. If you think back through your history, you will realise that whenever you tried to assert your beliefs & values (ones that would boost your self esteem to a level near, or above his)....he will have made sure that you were undermined.
As a personal observation, excepting :
- men who have high self esteem; and
- men who are working towards high self esteem / self esteem has true value to them
...other men subconsciously either choose a partner whose self esteem is lower than theirs, or once they have their chosen (higher self-esteem) partner, they undermine their partners self esteem until it is lower than their own.
This is an ugly observation, but unfortunately, I have rarely seen it to be not true (I cant actually think of a time it hasn't been true, but maybe). My guess is that it has something to do with genetics.
Hope it helps some.