Tell or not tell

They? Are they engaged to someone else in a threesome (or more)? I'm confused.

I was seeing the female. At the same time she was engaged to someone else.

I see. My advice is to keep it to yourself. Forever.

Grammar: the questioner was using the 'singular they'. This is perfectly acceptable.

Singular they is the use in English of the pronoun they or its inflected or derivative forms, them, their, theirs, and themselves (or themself), as a gender-neutral singular pronoun. It typically occurs with an antecedent of indeterminate gender, as in sentences such as:

"Somebody left their umbrella in the office. Would they please collect it?"
"The patient should be told at the outset how much they will be required to pay."
"But a journalist should not be forced to reveal their sources."

The singular they had emerged by the 14th century and is common in everyday spoken English.

Walk away. Tell nobody.

That was confusing to me. I said so. When it was clarified, I answered the relationship question. Do you disagree with my answer?

I agree 100% with your answer. I would agree more if that were possible.

Siamese romance is always tricky and hard to conceal. Be inscrutable and say nothing.

Some people would disagree — vehemently! I've actually heard the made-up pronoun "ze" as a way of avoiding use of the singular "they".

Personally, I prefer to continue the use of "he" or, when possible, reconstructing the sentence to avoid the need for it entirely:

"Would the owner of the umbrella left in the office please collect it?"

"All patients should be told at the outset how much they will be required to pay."

"But journalists should not be forced to reveal their sources."

Yes, I know that some people would disagree. Some people object to the use of plural pronouns in this type of situation on the grounds that it’s ungrammatical. In fact, the use of plural pronouns to refer back to a singular subject isn’t new: it represents a revival of a practice dating from at least the 16th century. It’s increasingly common in current English and is now widely accepted both in speech and in writing.

I am aware that it is the subject of debate: I am on the 'pro' side of that. I’m in good literary company: according to the historical Oxford English Dictionary (OED), writers such as Thackeray, Oliver Goldsmith, and George Bernard Shaw have all used this construction.

I am also thoroughly aware that, although also very common, the use of they after a singular noun is still anathema to many people, especially in formal contexts. This is in spite of the fact that the use of plural pronouns to refer back to a singular noun isn’t a sign of declining standards in modern English: as I said before, it represents a revival of a historical practice, as the OED evidence makes clear:

He neuer forsaketh any creature vnlesse they before haue forsaken them selues.

– J Fisher Wayes to Perfect Religion (before 1535)

The notion that 'the male embraces the female' (!) is considered sexist and non-inclusive by many people.

The norms of English usage have never remained fixed for all time and this construction may well gain wider acceptance in the future. As always, if one is writing in a very formal context, or if one's organization has a style guide that expressly forbids such a practice, then it’s advisable to avoid it (or be prepared to argue your case and back it up with historical evidence, as I’ve done here!).

The objection that makes the most sense (to me) is the avoidance of ambiguity.

I generally agree with your reasonable analysis — but I'm going to try to avoid that usage as much as possible in my own writing and conversation.

We should avoid even technically correct usages if they are ambiguous. It's always possible to create a fake sentence in isolation that might be ambiguous. "Many professors make every student buy their own books." Are the students forced to buy their own books (rather than being allowed to use library copies)? Or are the professors, in their vanity, requiring students to buy the books that the professors wrote? Such statements, already rare, are never said in a vacuum: they will appear in a context. which will almost certainly save the day.

I have to say that I thoroughly object to creations such as 'ze'.

I hate it when threads get hijacked.

Get a room.

walk away

full stop

__

there is nothing wrong with people dating more than one person at a time. the person picked someone else. time for you to move on.