Comfort level with your child's friends

Yes, I agree it's hard to tell. I was the shyest five year old on earth, probably, and I can't remember if I looked down or not. I was probably twitchy in some way.

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Oh, we've had plenty of empowering conversations. (A page or so ago I related the one about this that ended in "I KNOW!" because we've had the conversation so many times before. :-) )

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I mentioned the lack of eye contact thing mostly in terms of having a hard time connecting with her/ getting a feel for what she's like.

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Soz, how's the nose? Sounds like a potential black eye...

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Heh! Fine. One of those things where there are the cartoon stars and circling tweety birdies and then after a bit it's fine.

Thanks for asking!

(For a generally sweet gal she can be a handful sometimes...)

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The nose is a wonderful thing. I have walked into doors and otherwise flattened the nozzola and thought I broke my skull and it was fine the next day. Miracle cartilage.

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Noddy24 wrote:

I'd get to know Jane's parents as part of the "learning the neighborhood and making new friends" process of settling in. For openers, ask about neighborhood policy on trick or treating.

In the same spirit, I'd keep an eye on Jane--she's going to be part of the local landscape for awhile.

The deceit is a bit worrysome--but just a bit. The girls aren't of an age to rob banks--or even shoplift--and you know your daughter well enough to sense Real Trouble before it happens.

It takes a village....

Ok I have to respond to Noddy, you say the girl is not of age to rob banks or shop lift? "Mary Bell" she was 10 years old when she killed the neighborhood kids. I am a worry wart and I worry about my kids all the time (read my post:) ) But if your daughter is getting hurt and this girl is doing it, whether or not it is just a bump on the head, she could do worse.

I am not saying this girl is a killer but maybe a bully, maybe she tells your daughter "if you tell I will hit you" so therefore your daughter keeps quiet. I would definitely watch her with your daughter and tell your daughter that you wont let any one hurt her and that if someone tell her not to tell you something then she should tell you because that person could be bad.

AGAIN, I AM A WORRY WART, I think the worse and I am not one on giving advise in this matter but I know that bullys are mean and they will threaten to beat you up if you tell. Just keep a close watch on her, maybe it is nothing.

Noddy sorry, I just don't think in this day and age that you can say they are not of age to do something bad. we have 10 yr old kids killing toddlers, kids killing parents, it is horrible but it does happen.

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soz, I know I'm late on this thread but I think I get what's up. My son also plays with older boys. I find it's helpful to explain to them that he is only 4 and is not allowed to do the things that they are permitted to do, like just up and go over to their house, or ride bikes in the street. You might be able to pull that off with Jane -- explaining to her that sozlet is mature for her age but is still not yet 4 and so doors stay open in your house. Also, I'm guessing what's got her clammed up about telling on Jane is something like 'if you tell I won't be allowed to come over and play with you anymore'. I think you can probably help both of them just by laying down some rules for play.

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I didn't know your son was 4! Cool.

Yep, that's just where I'm headed. Thanks!

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swestover--

I appreciate your concern.

I've known Sozobe since Sozolet was a literal Babe In Arms. This influences both my advice and the way I phrase my advice.

My take on "Jane"--admittedly second and third hand--is that she's a kid who bears watching. I'd feel that any kid who plays with a kid I'm fond of bears watching.

A big difficulty here is Sozobe's deafness. Usually Mama Tiger can her her cub squeal from fifty paces. Sozobe can't--and she doesn't want to handicap her daughter.

There is a BIG difference between Age 5 and Age 10. You are certainly entitled to worry--the world needs parents who worry and thereby forestall disaster. I'm advocating worrying about a 5 year old rather than a sophisticated sociopath.

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sozobe wrote:

I didn't know your son was 4! Cool.

Yep, that's just where I'm headed. Thanks!

Yeppers. Little duckie boy is 4 going on 5 and little duckie girl will be 3 in a couple of months. I find the whole social interaction thing challenging. I was never good at it as a child and still struggle with it sometimes. So the task of training my children socially is something I always have difficulty with. Knowing when to intervene and how much, as well as when not to is hard for me. That's why I sympathize with your scenario. Luckily, my kids have the benefit of a very kid-friendly neighborhood and they are able to figure this stuff out without me.

Good luck with Jane and the sozlet.

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Oh, definitely on knowing when to intervene and how much. Very tricky. I keep thinking we're past the trickiest part, but new wrinkles keep cropping up...

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I was just readin' along, and had a flashback to when you were trying to figger out how to get Jack and the Sozlet together to play. You've come a long way, baby - and now they tell you there's another curve in the road!

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:-)

How you doin'? Nice trip?

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Verra nice, thank you. Very Happy

The lad's back in Columbus now Sad

(see the tour, sorta) at the rainforest thread.

and now, back to your regularly scheduled programming

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Swestover makes a great point. I will have to say my daughter has been a victim of abuse by another 5 year old child. I guess as there were no physical results or mental (probably because of my daughter's young age and lack of knowledge) results, I pushed that memory away. There was one girl in my daughter's Pre-K class that my little girl did not like at all. My daughter explained how sometimes she would pull her hair. Knowing she will have to face issues like this in the future, I talked to her about ways she could handle it. I also did mention it to her teacher and the teacher was more than aware of the girl having some behavioral problems. My daughter was invited to this girl's birthday party and at first my daughter did not want to go. I convince her saying this might be a good opportunity to get to know her better and maybe become friends with her (always the optimist). Her mom did mention to me that the girl had been diagnosed with some behavioral issues and had been kicked out of some school for kicking, biting, etc.

After that things seemed to be going fine. Then several months later, I arrive at the school to pick up my daughter (not that she was left there for several months). The teacher pulled me aside and said my daughter had an incident earlier in that day. Apparently another little girl grabbed my daughter's crotch and was vigorously rubbing it while she stood in line behind her. The teacher turned around and caught her in the act. The teacher immediately removed her from the room, called her mom and was kicked out of school from then on. You can guess how terrible I felt. Sad, mad at everyone including myself. I encouraged my daughter to work things out with her, when my daughter knew instinctively that this girl was bad news. I did speak with a counselor just to ensure that my daughter would not have any lasting effects and fortunately she seems to look at this in a similar light to some one grabbing her hand or arm roughly and no more.

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Ack.

And another vote for "trust your instincts". Thanks.

Glad your daughter doesn't have any lasting trauma.

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Linkat wrote:

Swestover makes a great point. I will have to say my daughter has been a victim of abuse by another 5 year old child. I guess as there were no physical results or mental (probably because of my daughter's young age and lack of knowledge) results, I pushed that memory away. There was one girl in my daughter's Pre-K class that my little girl did not like at all. My daughter explained how sometimes she would pull her hair. Knowing she will have to face issues like this in the future, I talked to her about ways she could handle it. I also did mention it to her teacher and the teacher was more than aware of the girl having some behavioral problems. My daughter was invited to this girl's birthday party and at first my daughter did not want to go. I convince her saying this might be a good opportunity to get to know her better and maybe become friends with her (always the optimist). Her mom did mention to me that the girl had been diagnosed with some behavioral issues and had been kicked out of some school for kicking, biting, etc.

After that things seemed to be going fine. Then several months later, I arrive at the school to pick up my daughter (not that she was left there for several months). The teacher pulled me aside and said my daughter had an incident earlier in that day. Apparently another little girl grabbed my daughter's crotch and was vigorously rubbing it while she stood in line behind her. The teacher turned around and caught her in the act. The teacher immediately removed her from the room, called her mom and was kicked out of school from then on. You can guess how terrible I felt. Sad, mad at everyone including myself. I encouraged my daughter to work things out with her, when my daughter knew instinctively that this girl was bad news. I did speak with a counselor just to ensure that my daughter would not have any lasting effects and fortunately she seems to look at this in a similar light to some one grabbing her hand or arm roughly and no more.

linkat,

It is good your daughter is ok.. I am not saying every 5 yr old is bad, I am just saying to watch out for the signs, when your daughter is getting hurt and won't explain things then maybe it is time to keep a close eye on her friend. I agree kids have instincts that we should listen to and not ignore.

in Linkat's situation it could have been a worse outcome had this child been left alone in a room with her. It is our responsibility as a parent to protect our kids. again I am a very over protected mom in many ways but I do not want my children falling into a situation that I can not protect them from.

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Comfort level with your child's friends

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