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Cheating and lying husband.

 
 
Zampire
 
Reply Thu 12 Jan, 2017 09:51 am
This is going to be really long so I'm sorry. I dated my husband since 16 he's 9 years older then me. He cheated on me while we dated and did some pretty bad things. I forgave him but when I was 19 we called it off. We got back together after about a year in a half. He had changed was going to church we are LDS. We got married when I was 21 and have been for five years. I'm going to try and keep this short. He got sick and was in a wheelchaire for some time. So I've had to work and we had a baby girl who is almost going to be five. But since he couldn't work we had to live in my mom's basement. He has a sex and porn addiction that I have tried to help him with. While living at my mom's house he did look at porn and lie a lot about it. He would expose himself to my mom pretending he was unaware it was out. Fast forward two years when my daughter was two we moved in with his family. He created a fake Facebook account and contacted random girls but also my sister and a friend of mine. He sent the random girls pictures of his penis. Not my sister but did sext her. I decided to separate from him. But told him I wanted to fix it. He had to take his fake profile down and never get on it. He ends up cheating on me with a girl they didn't have sex just oral and tried anal. I also tested him which I know is wrong but I did it. And I had a friend text and flirt with him and he took the bate and texted her and sent pictures and asked for pictures back. And asked to even meet up. And all this time he had till gotten on his fake profile messaging girls. So I of course forgive him and tell him this is his last chance. He actually stopped. For a year everything was great. We just had a son in August and got our first house. He messes up again. He went by my mom's to pick up sometimes and exposes himself. He admits to me he has been looking at porn and on his way home he would exit and drive up a canyon to masturbate to it. He also went on Craigslist to message someone and sends pictures. I tell him I'm done if you lie or mess up again. So it's been three months since then. I go in our bedroom and he hurrys to put his phone down. I ask him what he's doing and he lies and I so no really. He lies one more time. And I'm like no what were you doing. He finally admits it. Now fast forward a couple days I'm visiting my mom and she says look at this funny text I got. It was sexual at all but I knew it was my husband messing with her. I confronted him and it took him a bit to admit but said he text my mom and my friend. Says it was only a joke. He used an app that will let you have multiple numbers. So now I feel like I'm at my wit's end and that he is never going to stop. It's obvious I love him or I would have left a long time ago. And I get so mad at myself cause I think k other women would have left long ago so why cant. And I feel so heartbroken cause all the chances and forgivenes I have give him seems like he doesn't care at all. We now have two kids together too and just moved into our first home. I just don't know what to do? Of course I'm thinking divorce but I don't know if I can . Or I think he has been trying hard to change. I should expect some mistakes along the way? I don't know. Help!?
 
CoastalRat
 
  4  
Reply Thu 12 Jan, 2017 10:49 am
@Zampire,
Someone needs to slap some sense into you. You keep telling him this is the last time that you will forgive and then when he continues the behavior you tell him again that it is the last time you will forgive. There are no consequences for him. You don't follow through, so he keeps doing it.

Have you talked to a church leader about his behavior? Maybe you start there if you are foolish enough to want to stay with him. Personally, I think it is time for you to take the kids and go back to your mother's house if you can. He needs professional help, and until he gets it, you need to get away. One of these days he will expose himself to the wrong person and end up in jail.

jespah
 
  3  
Reply Thu 12 Jan, 2017 10:50 am
@Zampire,
Nowhere in this am I getting an impression that he is trying at all to change.

Because why should he? You take him back no matter what he does.

I realize splitting up with two small children is not easy, but it is possible. You have been lied to several times before. What, exactly, is he doing to assure you that he's not going to lie to you yet again?
Zampire
 
  1  
Reply Thu 12 Jan, 2017 12:28 pm
@CoastalRat,
Believe me I know. I don't know what's wrong with me or why I can't leave him. I think it has to do with we've been together for 10 years and not all of it has been bad. But this kind of behavior out ways the good. I plan on going to our church leader and seeing what can be done. I agree he need professional help! And I agree he has had no consequences besides the time I did leave him for a year of separation but he was supposed to do and get the help he needed. I just have a lot of fear both way. I have fear this will just happen the rest of my life and I fear I'll never find someone I love or who will love me. I know that's ridiculous but I can't help it.
Zampire
 
  1  
Reply Thu 12 Jan, 2017 12:31 pm
@jespah,
I know I do take him back and I have shown him that's what I will do. I did leave him for a year and lived with my mom and told him to straighten out. It appeared he had. Tho, I guess he was just deceiving me. I know logically it's possible to leave, but I'm very scared. Scared for well stupid reason. Being in love with someone for ten years is not easy to let go. Not knowing if i"ll ever feel this way again about someone. And I know it's ridiculous to love someone so much even tho they have hurt you so badly. He's told me I can take away his phone and his computer, but I just don't see what that will do. And go to counseling but i'm not sure he will take it seriously.
CoastalRat
 
  2  
Reply Thu 12 Jan, 2017 12:53 pm
@Zampire,
Move to South Carolina and I will introduce you to my son. He is a nice young man your age who is looking for a nice, moral woman to date. lol

Seriously though, it is not easy to leave a relationship of 10 years. And of course not all of those 10 years have been bad. If they had, I would question your sanity. But at the end of the day, you have to do what is best for you and your children. Staying with someone who continues to make you feel less than the most important to him will only lead to heartache down the road.

This says it all.
Quote:
I feel so heartbroken cause all the chances and forgivenes I have give him seems like he doesn't care at all.
If he does not care, then why should you. You cannot fix the marriage without his being committed to changing his behavior and I don't see any sign in what you wrote that he is committed.

Good luck.
ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Thu 12 Jan, 2017 12:57 pm
@Zampire,
Zampire wrote:
He's told me I can take away his phone and his computer, but I just don't see what that will do.


if he was serious about this, he would have given the phone and computer to someone else already

he would already have arranged to get into counselling

it looks like trying to put the responsibility for this onto you and that is just BS

___

whatever else you do, make sure you do not have any more children with this man. make sure you are on birth control AND that he provides condoms - he needs to at the very least be responsible for bringing the condoms in
0 Replies
 
Zampire
 
  1  
Reply Thu 12 Jan, 2017 01:35 pm
@CoastalRat,
Thank you for not bringing me down more then I am with your comment. I haven't received a lot of good comments on other forums. Like I already need to be dragged now anymore then I am. So I thank you for your comment and I'm trying to come to terms.
0 Replies
 
LastAcorn
 
  1  
Reply Sun 15 Jan, 2017 10:01 pm
@Zampire,
I’m so sorry about your situation. I can imagine how painful and frustrating this must be for you. Given what you’ve shared, your husband needs to get help for his addictions, and you do need to practice tough love with him. I would strongly encourage you to seek the help of a counselor. Sending you hugs and prayers, friend. Take care!
0 Replies
 
 

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