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What's the deal, Is he a cheater or not?

 
 
Reply Fri 6 Jan, 2017 10:53 pm
I found a size large tee shirt and plaid panties that do not belong to me stuffed behind the dryer.

here are the scenarios we can come up with.

1. He accuses me of cheating, having a man calculated enough to plant women's clothing in am effort to rid me of my fiance, thus leaving me 'available' (i am a work from home taking care of disabled son, so cheating would be easy, but i have not cheated or even been in the presence of another man, period. The women I work with come for therapy, are all nurses and therapists that have been with me for a long time. (this is his idea of where they came from)

2. Someone else planted them there ex my co workers and long time friends. (his idea)

3. He cheated and his lady left them behind for me to find or in an attempt to leave them hanging around in case she needed a change in clothing.

4. Someone has been breaking and entering (my suggestion) but idk why nothing is missing. my daughter says she has seen ppl outaode her window and he found some random sunflower seeds that i dont know where they came from. Nothing is missing.

5. They were left here by the previous renters of the apartment.

The funny thing is that i did not cheat or have anyone pit of the ordinary over. He stands that he had not cheated as well has made several accusations due to the nature of my job.

He has also been at home most of the time with me for the last 4 months due to job and life changes. We have only lived here since June and ehen we came the apartment was still kind of dirty, we had to clean some of it up because the people who own the condo are old. My first instinct says he cheated, but idk?




The wedding is about 5 months away.
 
angrybride2017
 
  1  
Reply Fri 6 Jan, 2017 11:46 pm
@angrybride2017,
Any advice for either of us would be helpful.
angrybride2017
 
  1  
Reply Fri 6 Jan, 2017 11:54 pm
@angrybride2017,
I also forgot to add, that this was found months ago by him. He asked me why I had stuffed the panties and shirt behind the dryer to hide them. I had no idea they were not mine at the time. I passed it off because he jas been making so many accusations lately. to the point I am emotionally exhausted have been explaining to him for months now that I am not cheating.
I found them a few days ago, on the hunt for a missing pair of work gloves. The scenario from above wasn't on my mind and I had assumed it was a green shirt that belonged to my son. So i took them out to find a shirt and panties that were not my size. I am petite and wear small medium.
My daughter is small also, i fit her clothes. Shes 11. My son is 12, and stopped growing years ago for his disability so definately not his clothing either.

Ragman
 
  2  
Reply Fri 6 Jan, 2017 11:59 pm
Clearly, neither of you trust one another due to these dual accusations of cheating, concocting scenarios where you both imagine the other is cheating. Fix that broken trust and then maybe you might be in decent relationship where you can consider an engagement.

All kinds of innocent explanations exist as to how or where the panties came from...none of which indicate a cheating spouse. The clothes behind the dryer, as you have indicated, could have been from the previous tenant or several other ways.

If you caught him in bed with another woman, found lipstick on his body, perfume on his clothes or person, or something somewhat suspicious or incriminating ...then you might have reason to be suspicious...not these sort of flimsy circumstances.

You guys seem to be on shaky grounds.
TomTomBinks
 
  1  
Reply Sat 7 Jan, 2017 12:21 am
@angrybride2017,
If they were found by your betrothed, why would you think he was cheating?
angrybride2017
 
  1  
Reply Sat 7 Jan, 2017 12:27 am
@Ragman,
i know it's so scarey
i am so confused.

the wedding is 5 months away, i have everything planned and even a dress.

he feels steongly that i cheated because i took a mental break after some bad feelings and cold feet. We had alot of changes to accept about our lives and have been engaged for a year already. He was a single man, and when we met i was me and my son, finishing up a divorce and custody battle. That had been years in the making and i finally won custody of my daughter. So then we were 4. He has never been married, no children, lived rhe fast life before meeting me. so to speak. he says i changed his view points about life and he a family. But then it was hard becaude he wasnt used to the aort of family life. He grew up inner city and i grew up in the country with my dad. So we have alot of differences. So we've had out fair share of problems. I ended up having to take a short mental break from the relationship (where I stayed faithful, but just distant) to tey to sort out all of my feelings about how to lead a life with the changes needed for a marriage and try to decide if I can compromise on what was being asked of me. I had to overcome some things that were said inappropriately to a friend of his, a constant barrage of women trying to intrude on our new relationship, and also had to contend with a very inappropriate online chatroom he was in. So i had to decide and I needed time to think about this before getting married. all of those things were difficult for me to deal with going into a new relationship, and i had a hard time withit after the proposal. I am sure that it takes time to rid yourself of all the extras when youre in a relationship, but it's like there's always someone from the past popping up out of the blue. Yea I'm a little jealous, but nothing unhealthy. We all are at times, i just asked for reapect and acknowledgement and never got it.

When I began to reconnect and start focusing on what was important again the accusations of me cheating started heavily, and have been relentless since we've moved into this new apartment. I have been accused of cheating worh 6 seperate men over a few sunflower seeds, some missing gloves, and because i like to wear my make up.

i get bruises alot, but my son that i have to deal with is heavy and i am petite. i am also just that clumsy. no doubt.

i love and care avout him so idk what to think.

the fact that i am accused so relentlessly over sunflower , missing gloves, and misplaced shoes raises flafs for me that make me suspicious myself.
angrybride2017
 
  1  
Reply Sat 7 Jan, 2017 12:34 am
@TomTomBinks,
i know none of it makes any sense. which is why we were discussing a possible breaking and entering?

idk idk idk
TomTomBinks
 
  1  
Reply Sat 7 Jan, 2017 12:47 am
@angrybride2017,
I don't know what kind of a neighborhood you live where the thieves just leave you extra clothes... seems kind of far fetched. Way more disturbing than some mystery panties is the accusations of cheating on both your parts. Marriage takes trust above even "love". (There is no real love without trust). If you don't trust one another then I think until you can fix this you should postpone the wedding. Better to not get married then to go through years of misery and finally a bitter divorce.
centrox
 
  3  
Reply Sat 7 Jan, 2017 05:01 am
@Ragman,
Quote:
found lipstick on his body

I guess I'm getting old... it used to be the collar where you found it.
0 Replies
 
centrox
 
  1  
Reply Sat 7 Jan, 2017 05:02 am
@TomTomBinks,
Quote:
If you don't trust one another then I think until you can fix this you should postpone the wedding.

Absolutely.
0 Replies
 
Leadfoot
 
  1  
Reply Sat 7 Jan, 2017 07:59 am
Sounds like two people that deserve each other to me
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  2  
Reply Sat 7 Jan, 2017 09:25 am
@angrybride2017,
Get out now. It's going to be a lot harder to end things after you get married. Don't let the fact that there's a dress, etc. keep you from cutting ties. This is toxic and awful and you know it.
angrybride2017
 
  1  
Reply Sat 7 Jan, 2017 10:47 pm
@jespah,
i do know, but i love him.
he has done some pretty awesome things as well.

He came with me 6 times out of state to fight for custody of my daughter from her abusive father. (he had taken her and hid her behind a bunch of paperwork, and i had to prove him un fit. when we finally found her she was living in filth and maggots) he helped me through that, came with me and supported me in court, and also helped financially as much as he to make up for the travel costs.

He proposed, which was alot for him given his nature and trust issues. Come on, we all have them to a certain extent if we've been cheated before.

He continues to try to be a good father to my kids.

we have been having a rough go at it because my son is terminal, and at his end right now.

we usually take time once or twice a month to go out and be us or have a date and we havent been able to for a while now, so i think that has contributed. . .?

He doesnt go out or do anything bad. we've been at home together for 4 months now. Not to mention none of it makes any sense because we have been together for quite some time. Literally, he hasnt gone anywhere and had been out of work, and i work from home. We've been apart maybe a few hours, all together , for a matter of months now.


TomTomBinks
 
  1  
Reply Sun 8 Jan, 2017 12:17 am
@angrybride2017,
Quote:
He doesnt go out or do anything bad. we've been at home together for 4 months now. Not to mention none of it makes any sense because we have been together for quite some time. Literally, he hasnt gone anywhere and had been out of work, and i work from home. We've been apart maybe a few hours, all together , for a matter of months now.

So I guess this answers your original question about him cheating...
0 Replies
 
Leadfoot
 
  3  
Reply Sun 8 Jan, 2017 08:03 am
@angrybride2017,
And you distrust the man who went through all that for you over some cloths stuck behind the dryer?

WTF woman...
littlellie
 
  1  
Reply Sun 8 Jan, 2017 12:16 pm
@angrybride2017,
I suggest you confront him about him before anything gets out of hand. Definitely just tell him straight up what you found and go from there. Don't get yourself too worked up about scenarios if you don't know the truth yet, just ask him.
I've also got a question up I really need advice with, it would mean a lot if you could check it out!
Ellie x
angrybride2017
 
  1  
Reply Sun 8 Jan, 2017 02:13 pm
@Leadfoot,
well he wasnt exactly perfect when we got together

he almost cheated after 6 months but i caught him and stopped it.
0 Replies
 
angrybride2017
 
  1  
Reply Sun 8 Jan, 2017 02:14 pm
@littlellie,
can you link it?
0 Replies
 
 

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