Am I nuts or is she cheating

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It's driving me insane. It has been going on for awhile but it took me awhile to catch on. A family friend lost his wife to cancer. She was spending time with him. She offered to clean his house and other small gestures. It never crossed my mind to think they might be up to something. One day he bought a new truck. He came by to show us. As I was looking through the truck, they were behind it giggling like school kids. I came around and she said he had found someone. She is about 5 years older than him. She asked me if someone her age was too old for him. They both blushed and giggled more. I still didn't suspect anything. 2 days later she bought a new swim suit. Put it on and showed me, then left for the pool. First stop was his house, for about 30 minutes, then went to the pool. I was at a friends house and decided to meet her at the pool. She was not there. I called and asked where she was. Told me she was at the pool. Later I told her I went to meet her. She made up an excuse and I let it slide. A married friend of her has a separate apartment her husband has no knowledge of. I confronted her and she said it was a secret. This is when I started to suspect something. A gated complex with a pool. This is where she has hanging out all summer. One day she came home from work in her swimsuit. She say said she got off early and went to the pool. Took a shower and on her way out the door told me there was left overs in the fridge. She was going to Bday party with the girls. Ok I wasn't invited. Later when showing pictures of the party, guess who was there, our friend with the new truck. I checked her phone, she had thanked him for the gift. Next day all texts form him and her married GF were deleted. Days later she had not come home from work but would not answer her phone. She finally called 3 hours later and said she stopped by his house, they were chit chatting and she didn't answer the phone. OK now I'm showing some concern. Looking back it is all adding up. I'm an idiot. I'm depressed and I don't have anyone to confide in. This is actually the short version of my ordeal. There is more but I feel I am rambling or whining and I should just suck it up.

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@rattz,

There may or may not be a problem here.

Your neighbor's wife died, your wife has helped out, both in helping in household chores and as a friend that he feels comfortable talking to. That doesn't mean they are betraying you.
He bought a new truck and while you inspected it, looked it over, they shared a laugh. That happens.

She bought a swimsuit and headed to the pool. Okay, she wasn't honest as to where the pool was, but did she tell you which pool?

Her friend has a secret apartment and her husband doesn't know. Yeah, that's for those 2 to deal with. Don't jump to conclusions and figure your wife is doing the same.

She went to a party with the girls. So the neighbor man was there. Maybe he was invited too. Don't read extra things into it. Were there other men at the party or was it mostly the girls and he was the only man? Maybe the girls felt bad for him being alone and asked if he wanted to attend.

The bottom line is that it may all be innocent, nothing bad going on. You need to sit down and talk with her and stop creating ugly scenes in your mind.

Hope all goes well for you.

1 Reply

@Sturgis,

Sturgis, played this over and over in my head. There is more to the story. He has been buying her gifts, the deleted emails, the time spent at his house is almost everyday. No other men were at the party. He didn't even know the other girls. His wife past almost 2 years ago. We used to play golf together. Now he doesn't even return my calls. Last time I saw him, he was acting peculiar. It was like he was trying to avoid me. This was before I had any suspicions. They go places together, I can't remember the last time my wife and I were in the same vehicle. She did lie about the pool. Only after I confronted her did she admit deceiving me. She had been telling me she was at a certain pool and she was at the other pool. This was almost the whole summer. I had no reason to question her whereabouts. It's not even a factor. Just the fact that she was dishonest. She is being very secretive. If she doesn't want me to know something, I will never find out. I've know this women almost my whole adult life. We aren't newlyweds. Everything I do is to benefit our future together. I work full time. She works 2 days a week. She leaves the house @ noon everyday, really everyday and comes home between 6 and 7 in the evening. Who does that. I had read some of here texts from him. Are you coming over? /I'm not home./ Call me. Then they get deleted. The secret apartment happens to be in a gated community. I can't enter the property without the owners permission. She has a key and a pass. I'm not the jealous type. My wife is very attractive but that has never been an issue for us. Guys always talk to her. When I said I do, I meant until death do we part.

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@rattz,

You're going to have to confront her. It's the only way to be sure. It'll be hard but it must be done.

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@rattz,

should of been onto this before now you have let it go way to far and they are laughing all the way to his bed

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@dan dan,

I know now. Never had any reason to suspect her. Another twist, she says he has stage 3 cancer. She starts taking him to his treatments next week. How can I confront her now. I would come off as the biggest AH in the world. I'm afraid I might drive her away. She barely talks to me now. We were in love. This is chewing away at me. Lord help me

1 Reply

@rattz,

rattz wrote:

How can I confront her now.

Don't confront. Talk.

This is up to you and your partner to sort out. You don't trust her. She doesn't seem to trust you.

Talk.

Arrange for counselling for yourself to begin with - hopefully/perhaps she will be willing to join you at some point.

1 Reply

@ehBeth,

I used the word confront, but I mean talk. I don't know how to start. I think I will seek professional help like you suggested.

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@rattz,

she is ******* him dude and you know it

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@rattz,

When you add up all of these things (and you say there are more), it seems like there is definitely something going on; however, you can't be sure until you talk to her. As her husband you should know who the apartment belongs to (that her "married friend" has). Do you know where the apartment is? If so, go by there on occasion and see if she is there. If so knock on the door and confront her.

The best thing you can do it talk to your wife. Suggest counseling and hopefully the two of you can work things out. If she refuses to do this then you have limited options because unfortunately when people cheat, they typically lie about it and make up excuses (so trying to just talk to her won't help). In that case you will have to find out for yourself. Checking that apartment or even his house at times. I am all about trust and honesty, but sadly many times you need actual proof of the cheating before a partner comes clean.

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its almost if shes ditched you and married him in her mind nothing short of a complete confrontation and ultimatum if the arguments start show her the door
he is getting the goods while your working your butt of

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Am I nuts or is she cheating

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