4
   

Holidays after losing dad

 
 
Reply Mon 19 Dec, 2016 05:56 am
This will be my fourth Christmas without my dad. Each year is a little better. I have a boyfriend now and my sister doesn't. My mom hasn't made any plans except for church the past couple years and I'm going to my boyfriends family. They have also invited my mom and sister, but my sister doesn't like those plans and is making me feel bad for having someone during the holidays because she is alone. I don't want anyone to be alone during the holidays, and it's hard to make up my mind on what is the right thing. How can I approach her about this?
 
edgarblythe
 
  2  
Reply Mon 19 Dec, 2016 06:14 am
I can offer sympathy, but I have no solutions. I hope it all works out by the time the big day arrives.
jespah
 
  2  
Reply Mon 19 Dec, 2016 08:44 am
@Runner44,
Everybody grieves at their own pace and it sounds like your sister is also wrapped up in not having someone during the holidays whereas you do.

You offered a reasonable invitation. Maybe offer a second, equally reasonable invitation to do something else which isn't family. E. g. offer to go see Rogue One with her on the 28th, something like that. Invite your boyfriend along, or not.

If your sister rejects this invitation as well, then wash your hands of it as you will have done more than enough.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Mon 19 Dec, 2016 08:48 am
@Runner44,
Runner44 wrote:
I'm going to my boyfriends family.


How long will you be away?
0 Replies
 
mark noble
 
  2  
Reply Mon 19 Dec, 2016 09:53 am
@Runner44,
You've lost your dad.
So has your sister.
Now she thinks she's lost you too.

Your actions today - Define you.
0 Replies
 
Runner44
 
  1  
Reply Mon 19 Dec, 2016 11:32 am
Thanks for all the good responses. My boyfriends family lives in the same area, so it's just for dinner that evening. I'm still going to church with my mom and sister. I know she is just hurting about not having her own someone and that the holidays are different without our dad. I just wish I didn't enable her to make me feel this way.
ehBeth
 
  4  
Reply Mon 19 Dec, 2016 11:42 am
@Runner44,
If your sister is still having so much difficulty that she can't move on, she may need some grief support/counselling. Yes, the holidays will be different without your dad. Someone needs to take the lead on developing new traditions for the remaining family.

Maybe you can suggest that the three of you have a special Boxing Day together - brunch and a movie or something.

New traditions sometimes need to be jump-started, they don't necessarily evolve on their own.
Runner44
 
  2  
Reply Mon 19 Dec, 2016 12:08 pm
@ehBeth,
These are things I'm aware of. We have Christmas figures out now. My mom and sister are coming to my boyfriends family and Christmas Day the three of us plus boyfriend are having brunch.
Going back to your first statement, which is 110% accuracy, how to I ask her to consider counseling when she thinks she doesn't need it? Thanks again for all the good response. It helps to be told these things again.
PUNKEY
 
  2  
Reply Mon 19 Dec, 2016 12:49 pm
@Runner44,
One piece of advice for those still grieving during the holidays:

Don't try to "re-create" the old days. Don't try to do things "like they always were done."

Change the celebration - even consider going on a family vacation or meet during the off days.

Also - don't feel as though you need to try to make relatives "feel better" during these days.

There is a sense of happy/melancholy at this time of the year. Best thing is to do something for another group of people you don't even know. It's a great way to start the new year.
0 Replies
 
giujohn
 
  1  
Reply Mon 19 Dec, 2016 11:35 pm
What would Dad have wanted you to do? Tell Mom and Sis your going to do what Dad would want you to do...Then invite them along.
0 Replies
 
spooky24
 
  2  
Reply Tue 20 Dec, 2016 07:24 am
@edgarblythe,
My experience.
Don't run.
There is a strong urge to get away-get away from all the things that remind of the passed life.
Eventually it must be coped with and the best time is now.
Mr Father was famous and Christmas morning we just did things like always-his presents were piled in his chair.

I will never be able to explain it-but it helped all of us.
0 Replies
 
 

Related Topics

 
  1. Forums
  2. » Holidays after losing dad
Copyright © 2020 MadLab, LLC :: Terms of Service :: Privacy Policy :: Page generated in 0.05 seconds on 07/13/2020 at 11:08:14