Hmmm - there is a group of marital therapists and researchers who say they can tell in a couple of minutes if a relationship will last.
The keys?
Expression of contempt and disdain.
LLITERALLY expressions, by the way. Non-verbal as well as verbal.
This
is not just an especially revolting and rude emoticon, (though that it is). That expression spells death to a relationship, their research says - as do a couple of others also expressing contempt.
They claim 90% accuracy.
Not good news, I fear.
But I am no relationship expert, myself.
Love, but don't like
"I know he loves me, but he doesn't like me."
This is a common revelation. It stems from an irony. The traits that cause someone to fall in love with another may be the same traits that cause problems in the relationship.
Some people are kind, gentle, loving, and altruistic. These types of people always extend a helping hand to others in need. They cry easily because they have a soft heart. They engage in random acts of kindness. These traits attract others.
The kind person's spouse will probably say, "I fell in love with her because she's kind, gentle, loving, and altruistic." But, when the kind person gets a call from a family member or friend in need and the kind person is digging in her purse or her time to help out--the kind person's spouse becomes angry: "Why do you let people use you? You're a door mat! They wouldn't do the same for you . . . etc."
Suddenly, the kind person has to DEFEND who she is as a person. She realizes that her personal qualities--the qualities that made him fall in love with her--are the same qualities that he criticizes. It provides for the ironic feeling that he LOVES me; but he doesn't LIKE me.
Your friend is probably taking stock of the last ten years. Her hubby probably fell in love with her because she was intelligent and successful, yet she feels criticized for those same attributes.
I don't know the answer to your friend's problem, but she's not making it up. Will her husband like her more if she changes who she is and demonstrates less intelligence and less success . . . but if she changes herself . . . she won't be the person he fell in love with anymore. It's a puzzler, but a very common one indeed.
