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made the first move and got ignored

 
 
Reply Sun 18 Dec, 2016 09:23 am
Well I like this guy for 2 years. we sit beside each other in class and talk as friends. we do not go out together. occasionally during school events and only as a group. I did attempted to inform him my feelings for him a few times by giving a personalised gift on his birthday. Often got him stuffs, only for him and not for other. and finally gave him a random present and said I really like him. However, he chose to not acknowledge my feelings but he talks to me normally as a friend. there is no awkwardness in our friendship. everything is the same. I can't seem to get angry with him because I love him so much and wish the best for him. i don't wish to ask him or text him anything related to this and I wanna give him his time and space. guy what are you comments?
 
snood
 
  3  
Reply Sun 18 Dec, 2016 09:31 am
@veena010101,
Well, it seems to me like he's just not that into you. Don't take it too personally - there will be someone who returns your interest - just not this guy. Count it as experience and look elsewhere.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sun 18 Dec, 2016 10:08 am
@veena010101,
this is really weird and awkward

quote="veena010101"]we do not go out together.

gave him a random present and said I really like him.
[/quote]

telling someone you're not dating that you have feelings for them is just awkward

__

feelings are something you talk about after dating for a while - not before dating

__

in your culture, is it acceptable for women to ask men out on dates? if so, do that to see if he is at all interested. It doesn't seem that he is - but things really can't get much worse than you've made them.

Als0 - don't give people random gifts - that's also weird and awkward.

__

Maybe use this as a learning experience. Don't tell people you have feelings for them til you're dating - and don't give gifts to casual friends as a message that you have feelings.
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  3  
Reply Sun 18 Dec, 2016 11:15 am
@veena010101,
May I ask your ages? He may just be too immature or unaware to get your "hints."

To not scare him away, just increase the time you spend in groups with him. That's a good way to get to know him and how he interacts with all kinds of people.

BTW - can you scale back on the "love" talk? That's enough to scare a young man away!
veena010101
 
  1  
Reply Sun 18 Dec, 2016 11:35 am
@PUNKEY,
Hi punchy, Thank you for replying.

I'm 25 and he is 27.
our relationship is not as awkward as it may seem like. As students, don't hang around too much even as a group but we spend around 8hrs in school for like a month for each module. I don't think I scared him away, he still talks to me casually.That random gifts were like post trips kinda gifts so not really random. Sometimes I feel that he is trying to hold back his emotions. He does not playfully scolds or raise his temper on me like how he does to my other friends. We don't really have much time alone which makes it difficult but I realise at times when we are alone, he tend to be bit soft. oh yeah I do have to add on that his previous relationship didn't end well and some incidents made him to not trust girls easily. For that reason I've never asked him if he has feelings for me etc.
ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Sun 18 Dec, 2016 11:40 am
@veena010101,
veena010101 wrote:
I've never asked him if he has feelings for me etc.


good thing as you're not dating.

__

Honestly, you're a lot older than I thought - I would have guessed you were in your early teens based on the opening post.

Ask him out. Do NOT talk about your feelings or his feelings til you've been dating at least a few months. No more gifts - really inappropriate - especially at your age.
Olivier5
 
  1  
Reply Sun 18 Dec, 2016 11:56 am
@ehBeth,
Why can't people speak of their feelings before they do that thing you call "dating"?
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sun 18 Dec, 2016 12:10 pm
@Olivier5,
Because it's weird when people you only know casually express feelings for you. They don't know you and you don't really know them.

It's kind of stalkery and creepy. Actually not kind of - it is creepy <speaking with the voice of experience>.
snood
 
  1  
Reply Sun 18 Dec, 2016 12:22 pm
@ehBeth,
Quote:
I would have guessed you were in your early teens based on the opening post.

She's obviously of another culture - one not as "advanced" as we are here with dating and the like.

You want to call her and her behavior "weird" one more time - just so we have a nice round number?
0 Replies
 
dupre
 
  2  
Reply Sun 18 Dec, 2016 12:45 pm
@veena010101,
Well, it wasn't the first move after all, right? Because you had brought special gifts, and so forth.

Not everyone you approach can reply directly to being told that you "really like" them, and that's unfortunate. I think as you grow older, you may find people are more comfortable being straightforward in their responses, depending on the relationship.

I recently went camping at a new location. The Camp Host came on to me. I had never met him. My response was a complete non sequitur, as if he had not hit on me.

However, I once had a dear friend tell me straight out and kindly that he was not interested in a romantic relationship. And the friendship is a strong as ever, I might add.

The older we get, the less time we have.

Your friend may have to learn that, but also, you were not completely straightforward either.

"I really like you" doesn't absolutely mean that you want a to pursue the possibility of a romantic relationship.

"I really like you. Could we perhaps talk about considering a romantic relationship at some point? Because I think I am attracted to you and would like to explore that, if you are at all interested and available."

Yep, that's difficult and often you will get rejections, but if the timing is right to say that, then you might just get a completely honest answer, and often the person may need to think about it and your hoped-for answer might be delayed. Sometimes, they are already interested in someone else, and you just have to wait until that plays out and wait your turn. Sometimes it's not in the cards at all. And that's okay, too.

Anyway, it's all a journey and best wishes.
0 Replies
 
Olivier5
 
  1  
Reply Sun 18 Dec, 2016 12:51 pm
@ehBeth,
Love is creepy? That's news to me.

I never "dated" anyone. Am i creepy?
0 Replies
 
ossobucotemp
 
  2  
Reply Sun 18 Dec, 2016 01:04 pm
@ehBeth,
I'm mixed on this, having had a fellow student totally surprise me one day after class, to the extent that my contact lens fell out of my eye when he asked me to go to a concert, what a scene; this guy remains one of my lifetime favorite people. We didn't make it as a longtime couple, but have remained friends from afar for 50+ years.

If someone won't take no for an answer, then it depends as that can get obnoxious, and then maybe to a creepy stage.
0 Replies
 
 

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