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Thought she was into me. What now? Is she done?

 
 
Reply Wed 14 Dec, 2016 09:13 am
I went on 2 dates with a 48 year old. She's ridiculously hot, could pass for 30, I'm 37. Met her on Tinder 1.5 weeks ago. We work in the same industry in the city, which is how I think I was able to land the date, we know mutual people.

The first date was good, we connected well. I dropped her off, hugged and said bye.

The second date was 2 days later and it was all hand holding, cuddling and making out for 5 minutes at the end. I asked if she wanted to go somewhere and she said she would have me over next weekend when her ex has her 13 yr daughter so we could get down.

She texted me two days after that and said 'I'm sexually intrigued by you' 'I imagine what you look and feel like' 'we have crazy chemistry' 'I want to get close every-time I'm near you' 'I've very attracted by the way you look and act'. We agreed that we should act on this crazy chemistry cause it's rare.

Two days after that I try to reschedule our third date to see a comedy show. Instead of rescheduling she cancels and says she just wants to go out of town this weekend, and to not be a stranger. She just acted coldly with the next text, like a one word nothing. I texted her the next day asking her whats up and that I don't play games with people and don't want to be played either and that I thought she felt the same about me as I her, especially since the texts two days prior. Asked if she wanted to be friends, FWB or have a relationship so that I could temper my expectations. I'm newly divorced and running a business and don't have the emotions to spare.

She said initially she wanted to have a flirty friend relationship, then wanted a real relationship but decided I wasn't her 'one' because I might want a child at some point and she didn't want to regret anything. I am also 11 years younger.

We spoke on the phone after that and she confirmed that if she saw me again it would lead to us getting naked and her thinking that that was happening quickly. She says we have 'crazy chemistry' and she can't keep her hands off me. She's worried about a short term relationship, about getting hurt. I told her that it's basically better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all - in a much more eloquent fashion. Told her that I could easily develop feeling for her and that's fine with me, I'm prepared because it's worth it even though most relationship fail. Told her that our crazy chemistry doesn't happen often and we should enjoy it, she agreed! She also made reference to how having me over to cuddle with wine on the couch would be bad due to our intense attraction... but I thought we both liked it and wanted to do that?

So she said she canceled due to her emotions having just fought with her older sister for the first time in her life. Said the fight was about her missing several phone calls over several hours, then the sister flipped out. The fight caused her to reevaluate her life a little and re-center.

She told me that she wants to keep up the contact that we've been having but doesn't want to set any new dates now. The texts we've been having are all very flirtatious.

Should I just play cool and not communicate with her at all? Should I text her that I've got dates lined up and need to move on and that if she wants to turn the heat up to let me know?

My experience with women is that once the opportunity passes, it's gone forever, and that it's just time to move along. We had some hardcore chemistry going on.
 
ehBeth
 
  3  
Reply Wed 14 Dec, 2016 09:28 am
@53791263,
53791263 wrote:
Should I just play cool and not communicate with her at all? Should I text her that I've got dates lined up and need to move on and that if she wants to turn the heat up to let me know?


both of those options are just game-playing

why not go with honesty?

___

here's the thing. you've had a couple of dates over a couple of weeks. there's no lifetime commitment here. you're not seeing each other exclusively (and that would be silly at this point) - you were starting to date. that's it.

let her know you're interested and would like to see her again and will be in touch in the new year. let her know she's welcome to contact you earlier if she'd like (but this is the holidays so don't expect too much)

go ahead and date and **** other people. you're in a casual dating/sex part of your life. don't stress about it. have fun, get through the holiday crazy season and see where 2017 takes you.
53791263
 
  1  
Reply Wed 14 Dec, 2016 09:48 am
@ehBeth,
Haha, yeah I did tell her before I hung up last time that I would contact her in the new year and that if she wanted to get together for lunch to text me.
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Wed 14 Dec, 2016 09:50 am
@53791263,
That's perfect.

Now get on with getting through the holidays (can you tell I hate them?)
0 Replies
 
chai2
 
  3  
Reply Wed 14 Dec, 2016 10:50 am
Agreeing with ehBeth, but adding something unrelated.

How does one get to be in their 40's having never had an argument with a sibling, then suddenly there's a blowup about a couple of missed phone calls?
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
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Reply Wed 14 Dec, 2016 08:47 pm
You jumped the shark when you tried to reschedule a hot date into a comedy show.

That put out the fire ....

Step back and let her build up the fire again, if thats possible.
.
53791263
 
  1  
Reply Fri 16 Dec, 2016 07:29 am
@PUNKEY,
You might be right. I should have kept quite, the hot date at her house was set, I just needed to show up, cuddle with her on the couch and have sex... too easy. I was being nice and tried to throw in a date prior to the hot date. Messed it up.

That or her sister laid a guilt trip on her about hooking up with men 11 years younger than she is.

Either one of these is what happened. She's still very attracted to me though.

What do you suggest I do to help her rebuild the fire? We had intense sexual tension/chemistry (we both acknowledged it several times, I've never felt anything like it, like walking into the ocean for the first time), how to get it back? How long should I wait? I don't want to chase her off or seem needy, just want to ease back into it, slowly, safely.
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  2  
Reply Fri 16 Dec, 2016 08:39 am
Well, that's what "jump the shark" means - an event that changes everything and you can't go back.

Start by just texting her that you can't get her out of your mind and would like a romantic private time together soon.

See if she responds.

(I doubt if the sister's remarks have that much power)
53791263
 
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Reply Sat 17 Dec, 2016 09:52 pm
@PUNKEY,
Great news. I waited 4 days and texted her a flirty and short message about the cold weather. She responded and we flirted back and forth for an hour. I left her hangin' with a winky face emoji. (She's still upset with her sister, I didn't ask what the true origin of the fight was).

I'm back in the drivers seat! Not letting my emotions screw this up again. All tactical, stealth mode **** from here on out.
0 Replies
 
 

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