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Sad sex life, Bf rather get lost in his games?

 
 
Reply Wed 14 Dec, 2016 01:23 am
Our sex life is almost non existant. He gets upset and says he feels crappy that he gets tired easily, goes soft when he's on top because of insecurity and lack of stamina. He never eats me out (because I get too wet for his liking) and I've told him how fingering doesn't do much for me. But he will make me go down on him or ride him (now won't even put it in because my period was late and says he won't have sex until we have condoms but won't make an effort to get them)

My boyfriend and I play games so I understand that whole jazz. Lately I haven't been playing since I haven't found one that catches my attention. My boyfriend on the other hand plays a lot, and when he does he is always playing some hot female, spending hours on their appearance and dressing them in sexy clothes.

Recently he has been stuck on Skyrim (I loved that game in its vanilla standard) but he's been modding the hell out of it and I noticed he's been looking into hot female followers, undergarments and sexy outfits.. Even saw he went to a sex modding site for it too.

I told him how it made me feel that he looks at those women and spends more time to make them oh so perfect to stare at for hours on end, while I spend time on my appearance just for him to ignore any effort I've made. He says the excuses I've stated above and says he wants to go into a dark fantasy with sex appeal and I can understand that but.. I'm sitting over here like why the hell do I even bother. I get more attention from customers at work than I do him. And if I say that he will try to please me in the moment but its back to square one right after.

Hes been out of work for three months now.. He plays from 8am to noon, naps, gets back on around 5-7pm until 3am and repeats every day. He tries telling me to nap with him or stay on the bed while he naps, then I tell him he'd rather play his game than cuddle when I do to bed so I shouldn't have to for him.. Then he gets sad and pouts and makes me feel bad..

I try telling him how i makes me feel and he just starts crying saying how crappy he feels that he cannot please me (when he does!) and how he doesn't like his image because he gained weight.. Claims I hate him because the tone of my voice when I try explaining my side and he doesn't seem to get it.. I don't know what to do about it anymore.
 
Skeleton
 
  0  
Reply Wed 14 Dec, 2016 02:47 am
Help him change himself. I'm sure you get him to work out he'll feel better about himself. Get him to stop playing video games. Hopefully he'll pay you more attention. If nothing works out, find someone who will pay you attention.
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  3  
Reply Wed 14 Dec, 2016 07:22 am
@GrandCosmos,
You are under no obligation whatsoever to continue supporting this guy. Kick his sorry ass to the curb.
Skeleton
 
  0  
Reply Wed 14 Dec, 2016 08:12 am
@jespah,
Anyone can change dude, we don't have to end relationships just because things look hard
Fil Albuquerque
 
  0  
Reply Wed 14 Dec, 2016 08:59 am
Less fat, less cheese, less bacon n the likes, more exercise, more greens, anti colesterol meds and some serious talking about your future as a couple. Don't pressure him for sex directly, but pressure him for better food n exercise. That done his confidence will boost and his dependence on a online fantasy refuge will decrease. Don't expect a miracle regarding gaming though. Nowadays gaming for long hours is normal. Gaming is the xxi cent tv...
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  4  
Reply Wed 14 Dec, 2016 12:26 pm
@Skeleton ,
They aren't married and she is supporting him. He contributes very little to their household. She owes him nothing and does not have to be stuck with him.

And I'm not a dude.
contrex
 
  3  
Reply Wed 14 Dec, 2016 01:59 pm
@Skeleton ,
Skeleton wrote:
we don't have to end relationships just because things look hard

Isn't that a bit like saying "we don't have to stop eating a sandwich just because we find the filling is mainly sawdust"?
ossobucotemp
 
  1  
Reply Wed 14 Dec, 2016 02:11 pm
@GrandCosmos,
"I'm sitting over here like why the hell do I even bother."

Stop right there and listen to your perceptions and instincts.
0 Replies
 
gorff
 
  1  
Reply Wed 14 Dec, 2016 02:20 pm
@GrandCosmos,
Hes more interested in spending time with his digital girlfriend. Heave him and her alone and fine yourself a real man
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Skeleton
 
  0  
Reply Wed 14 Dec, 2016 03:40 pm
@jespah,
I call girls dude too, it doesn't matter
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Skeleton
 
  0  
Reply Wed 14 Dec, 2016 03:44 pm
@contrex,
No, that's a stupid analogy. She can try to change his act before she breaks up with him at least. I would. If I was in the same situation I would try to preserve my relationship because it takes a long ass time and a lot of effort and mental gymnastics to get another partner.
contrex
 
  3  
Reply Wed 14 Dec, 2016 03:51 pm
@Skeleton ,
Skeleton wrote:

No, that's a stupid analogy. She can try to change his act before she breaks up with him at least. I would. If I was in the same situation I would try to preserve my relationship because it takes a long ass time and a lot of effort and mental gymnastics to get another partner.

But a crap partner is not worth hanging around for, at least that's the point I was trying to make. What you are putting forward is the "sunk cost" fallacy.
Skeleton
 
  1  
Reply Wed 14 Dec, 2016 04:53 pm
@contrex,
What's sunk cost? I'm just saying it's too much work to do it all over again. If I already had someone I would make it work. I had someone, and I broke up with her because she's abusive, but I kind of regret it sometimes because I miss having a relationship. I will probably get back with her because it would be pretty hard to find a new girlfriend for years.

*sigh* maybe I'm the one who's crazy.
jespah
 
  3  
Reply Wed 14 Dec, 2016 05:34 pm
@Skeleton ,
Yes, you're the one who's crazy.

You can find someone else, but you need to put yourself out there and try.

And please don't call me 'dude'.
Skeleton
 
  1  
Reply Wed 14 Dec, 2016 05:56 pm
@jespah,
I have a crippling shyness and I only come out of my shell when I'm drunk, but girls don't talk to guys who are drunk
contrex
 
  1  
Reply Fri 16 Dec, 2016 04:23 am
@Skeleton ,
Skeleton wrote:

I have a crippling shyness and I only come out of my shell when I'm drunk, but girls don't talk to guys who are drunk

My wife of 25 years talked to me when I was drunk. Depends if you're happy drunk or nasty drunk.
Megantronus
 
  0  
Reply Fri 16 Dec, 2016 10:20 pm
@GrandCosmos,
Listen, to all the people saying that you should not stay around and dump him, the guy in this situation seems to be stuck in a rut and WANTS to get out.

I'm not saying that it's woman's job to stick around and change a man, by any means. GrandCosmos, if you feel exhausted and emotionally drained from this relationship, don't feel ashamed for wanting to end things. You should look after yourself first.

But, that being said, if you really want to make things work, I think you have a chance, because it seems like he wants to make a change, he just doesn't really know how. I know it's really hard to think of putting a focus feelings right now since you've felt like he's not paying any attention to you. And before you say anything, I think you should really put all your feelings out there, everything you've been thinking and how you've been hurting. But tell him why you want to be in this relationship, and remind him why you're here in the first place (it may seem obvious to you, but if he's really low, he really needs to be reassured). And then, ask him if he really wants to make a change, and this is where you come in as a partner. If he wants to, but is scared/unsure, you can do some research and make some suggestions.

If he doesn't want to do anything, then that's fine, he made his decision, and you can leave knowing you tried all you could. But before you give in, be there for him, even when it's really hard for you right now, and listen and help him change, if that's what he wants as well.
0 Replies
 
Skeleton
 
  1  
Reply Sat 24 Dec, 2016 06:24 am
@contrex,
I'm totally happy drunk. You're British, American women generalize that men who are drunk are below dirt and they feel disgust for drunk men. They assume they're a different person and anything they say or do is disgusting whether they're happy or not.
contrex
 
  3  
Reply Sat 24 Dec, 2016 09:14 am
@Skeleton ,
Skeleton wrote:
American women generalize that men who are drunk are below dirt

Amusingly, you yourself are guilty of generalising by writing that.
Skeleton
 
  1  
Reply Sat 24 Dec, 2016 07:39 pm
@contrex,
I base what I say on observation.
 

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