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Is this normal girl logic or is she sleeping with a married man? Should I not be her friend?

 
 
Reply Mon 5 Dec, 2016 11:12 pm
There is this girl I work. Her name is Abby. She is my "best friend" at work. There is an assistant manager named Isaac and the operations managers name is Lance. Abby is 20 years old, Isaac is 28 years old, and Lance is 30 years old. Abby sucks up to Lance because he is her direct superior and gives her whatever shift she wants. There have been times Isaac has slapped Abby on the butt. Abby came up to me the next day and told me about it. She has brought up this incident numerous times to me. She told me that she has brought it to Lances attention and he was mad when he found out about it. She was saying things to me like "Oh, Isaac has a fiance. That is a disgusting way to act, what a pig." The next day at work, she bumped into Isaac and she joked, "oh what Isaac, do you want to make out or what"? However, I have seen Lance slap her on the butt literally hundreds of times. In front of another girl he smacked Lance on the butt a bunch of times. Again, she started complaining to me what a pig Isaac was and she was laughing about how much trouble she got Isaac into apparently. She said that she lets no man slap her on the butt. I then said "Lance slaps you on the butt all of the time". She then adamantly maintained that she doesn't. She finally admitted to it and said "yeah, he's just joking around though". Does this make any sense? Do you think that there is definitely a sexual fling between the two? They also hug each other a lot. Is this just a white lie that I should forget about?
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Type: Question • Score: 3 • Views: 1,244 • Replies: 10

 
roger
 
  2  
Reply Mon 5 Dec, 2016 11:19 pm
@LTinkAspie20,
Well, that's a whole lot of butt slapping, isn't it? I do believe I would take every opportunity to distance myself from her. Sounds like a born trouble maker to me.
0 Replies
 
CoastalRat
 
  6  
Reply Tue 6 Dec, 2016 06:11 am
@LTinkAspie20,
My question to you would be, what business is it of yours?
contrex
 
  2  
Reply Tue 6 Dec, 2016 07:59 am
Isaac (or is it Lance? I forget) sure likes to slap butts. He seems pretty democratic about it and I would not read an awful lot into it. I have to say that if I were shagging someone at work, I would take great care not to slap their butt when nosy people (who should get themselves a life) were liable to see.

[Edit] Oh. I saw the username. I see. Butt slapping is usually just harmless cheerful play. It does not mean people are having sex. Usually in workplaces the ones who are having sex are the ones who never speak to each other in the office, and arrive and depart separately.


0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Tue 6 Dec, 2016 11:35 am
@LTinkAspie20,
Hi LTink.

Don't get involved in what's happening between your coworker and the managers. If Abby starts to talk about it, change the subject to something neutral/more casual.

Do you have any friends/family/counsellors/doctors you can talk to about social messaging? based on your posts here, it seems like that might be a confusing area for you.
0 Replies
 
maxdancona
 
  1  
Reply Tue 6 Dec, 2016 12:24 pm
@CoastalRat,
CoastalRat wrote:

My question to you would be, what business is it of yours?


I think it is her business. I would question my boss' ability to treat me fairly if I suspected her of sleeping with, or even flirting with, a co-worker. I am not naive enough to think it doesn't happen. But the fact that it is so blatantly unprofessional is troubling.

This is inappropriate behavior, and it is unfair to everyone else in this department. I don't know what the OP can do about it, but I do think it is reasonable for her to be upset about it.
ossobucotemp
 
  1  
Reply Tue 6 Dec, 2016 12:39 pm
@maxdancona,
You poor thing! "even flirting with": people flirt in small ways all the time, a light way of getting along. Heavy flirting and affairs happen, also not your business. I agree with Contrex that it's more often the quiet careful people who may actually be getting it on. The heavy flirter can be "canned" by a boss with a simple change of heart or sense of propriety, and the regular workers can have their workplace become a painful scene for them if they too have affairs, however fun it is in the beginning. This is the way of the world. Also not your business.
ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Tue 6 Dec, 2016 12:50 pm
a quick review

http://able2know.org/user/ltinkaspie20/topics/

might be helpful to anyone responding to this poster
0 Replies
 
maxdancona
 
  1  
Reply Tue 6 Dec, 2016 01:02 pm
@ossobucotemp,
Osso, I thought you had me on ignore. It doesn't make any sense if you still click through to my posts. Maybe you just can't resist the chance for a sarcastic jab. Wink

To me there is an ethical problem with a boss having an affair with a subordinate. It is presents too many conflicts of interest. I have not had an affair with either a boss or an employee.

That is the issue here.
ossobucotemp
 
  1  
Reply Tue 6 Dec, 2016 01:51 pm
@maxdancona,
I read you and you only go onto ignore to give myself a day or a week off (in contrast to some whom I take years off from, aka, forever.

The thing is, you stressed first your distaste for flirting. I'm not a natural flirt myself, way I was raised. Only child that moved a lot, religious family, one particular group of religious nuns. I used to be scrupulous about impure thoughts, and I do mean scrupulous (so I understand some aspect of being insane). Luckily I got over it.

On the other hand, once I got a hospital job at sixteen, I glommed on to the real world. If you work at places for years at a time, people can become friends, sometimes lifetime ones, in contact once in a while for decades. That's because of some level of understanding of each other, what is funny, what is amusing, what is tacky. Times vary.

Not being able to flirt lightly? I was, back then, often flirted at, twinkle talk.
Maybe medicine is a different world than yours. I smiled, usually, as that stuff tended to happen at quiet times.

Only one guy bugged me, because we were born on the same day, close to the same time of day and he kept up the nudging. I liked him well enough as a person and I invited him to my famous to myself party, which year? guessing '72, when I invited the whole 1oo or so of the people on our department floor to my apartment, plus some personal friends, some lengthy hours on the invite. Not a small apartment, but also ordinary, a one bedroom, LR DR Kitchen, set above an old spanish style house, now long gone. My pals helped me with food. I had the brains to warn my landlords (who never raised my rent over six years, including after that) and invited them. They, of course, got outta town. Parking must have been hell.. though there was a regular driveway.

The nudge guy found one of my friends, and that lasted for a while.

So, Max, it's not that I recommend how to behave, but to me, you are more puritan than I started out to be.
maxdancona
 
  1  
Reply Tue 6 Dec, 2016 02:03 pm
@ossobucotemp,
Osso, I just reread my posts, and in each post is very clear that the issue is that this is the boss and a subordinate.

I start off this way...

I wrote:
I would question my boss' ability to treat me fairly if I suspected her of sleeping with, or even flirting with, a co-worker.


I don't see where anything I said can even remotely be construed as me being against flirting. If there is a sentence that was unclear, please point it out to me. The issue is that when a boss acts inappropriately with a subordinate it is unethical and can be unfair to other employees in the department.

You are free to disagree with me (if you actually think bosses fooling around with subordinates is acceptable workplace) . But, please read what I am actually saying before you do so.
0 Replies
 
 

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