Is my wife using me?

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If I had to do other things -- like drop off my daughter at school -- absolutely not. And since you've changed your initial post, I can't verify, but what I seem to remember is that you asked and she said she couldn't because she had to drop off your daughter.

Again, if you think there is a problem, there is a problem. And sounds like you guys have a lot to talk about -- but also sounds like you should be talking to her, not us. And quite possibly with the assistance of a counselor. From the little information you've provided, there seem to be a LOT of issues. (Trust being paramount.)

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I missed your first post, so I have no idea what this is all about other than the remaining posts.

With that in mind, I have to admit that sometimes I don't do things for my husband, even if it will only take me ten minutes, and if I'm not doing anything else of importance, just because I'm irritated that he put it off until the last minute. He does this often, though, so I had to stop working myself up to a frenzy over his inability to get out the door. It was only feeding his dependence, not to mention adding chaos to the household.

I figure he's an adult and should be able to dress himself. Doesn't mean I would have the same attitude if he were sick or disabled. Also, doesn't mean I don't love him. But, gee, should I be the one that becomes sick or disabled, everyone better know how to care for themselves.

(I also told him the morning of our wedding day that "By the way, I don't iron." He still married me, so now he irons.)

Again, since I missed the original post this may not apply. I'm only responding from what I have read of other responses.

It all depends, when does she need to be at her own job? You never did explain why you need pressed clothes to do your job, when your boss isn't even on the premises.

And you don't come across sounding mature to me, based upon your posts, which is all I have to go on. And deleting the post, which wasn't all that negative a picture of your wife except to describe her overall taste in men as bad and her last SO as "psycho," makes it seem clear to us reading your posts that the bigger issues are trust issues + a difference in prioritizing within the marriage. That you hooked up with a woman who considers you more mature than she is, makes me wonder if there are other issues at play here, maybe you need to be the daddy? Maybe you enjoy control? Maybe you need to be pandered to?

Nobody is going to recognize you by your posts here, unless your real name is "goodhusband" unless you give specifics regarding locale, etc. The world is too big a place, and peoples problems are amazingly similar in some ways.

Or unless she's a regular here...

good work gh...you've destroyed what little credibility and sympathy you walked in with...

Squinney, from what I recall, and unfortunately, I have a mind like a sieve, he is married to a woman who had a series of bad relationships, an absent father of a 5 year old + a man who moved away and became "psycho," she keeps a filthy house, works, had to take the 5 year old to school... He has to go to work today in spite of having caught a stomach flu from the 5 year old, b/c his boss is out of town, and nobody else can do his job but him, and all he wanted was his wife to iron his clothes so he could go to work today, and she wouldn't do that for him!!! And shouldn't she be a better wife and iron for him, what's wrong with her, anyway??? I mean, he's ironing his clothes every freaking day, and reading stories to her daughter, and being this fantasitic father and provider, and she thinks he's the most mature man she's ever been involved with... Meanwhile, she's collecting animals and letting cats crap in the house, and is a packrat to boot (and did I mention she collects rodents + a dog? And he puts up with her ****, and she still won't iron his clothes this one time he asked and it's so damn freaking wrong, I tell ya!!!

PP :wink:

Oooooookay......


I get it.


Goodhusband, if that is close to accurate, iron your shirt and get to work. When you get home, talk with (not to) her about your concerns regarding the cleanliness of the house. That's the only issue I see. Animal feces aint healthy.

As to the rest, I have those feel bad, weepy, sorry for myself moments every month, so I sympathize. Doesn't mean they are legitimate, but I do sympathize. On those days, I still have to get up and go to work and take care of my family.

Perhaps it wasn't quite accurate b/c he concluded by asking if we all thought his wife was using him since she wouldn't iron for him. He later went on to explain that he felt she wouldn't take care of him if he were truly sick, that they had married "for better, or worse, in sickness and in health..." And that perhaps she was just using him... I took that conclusion as the ramblings of one delusional from illness, but after he removed the first post b/c he felt it identified them, while I still thought he was behaving like someone in the clutches of paranoia, perhaps brought about by fever, the further removal of all his posts made me feel that he had trust issues -and actually thought his wife (or others) were going to secretly follow his cyber trail and check hs whereabouts online, or was just embarrassed by his original premise, that she was using him because she wouldn't iron his clothes for him when he was sick.

Ironing
I suspect that "goodhusband" is feeling that his wife doesn't love him as much as he loves her . . . and he figured that out because she didn't iron his clothes when he asked. Therefore, she didn't marry him because she loved him . . . she married him to USE HIM.

However, he's allowing his imagination to run wild. He's jumping to faulty conclusions simply because he's having a bad day. I suspect that goodhusband and his wife are madly in love with each other. She might not have had time to dress her husband in the morning, but she might find time to undress him at night if he stops his complaining. If he's extra nice, she might even make him purr like one of her 4 cats when scratches his back until he falls asleep . . . .