2
   

Am i enough?

 
 
Reply Sat 12 Nov, 2016 06:32 pm
My boyfriend and I have been together for going on 4 years. We have lived together for most of that time. I know he loves me but he gets so frustrated that I don't make a lot of money. He pays for almost everything. I pay my car payment and insurance and help buy grocerys. We talk about getting married but then he says we won't get married until I make more money. This really hurts my feelings. I feel like i'm not good enough for him now. Part of me wants to say if i'm not good enough to marry now as the wonderful woman and girlfriend I am then I don't want to marry you when you deem me marriage worthy just because i'm making more money. Am I being overly sensitive or is that just a mean thing for him to say?
 
chai2
 
  3  
Reply Sat 12 Nov, 2016 07:02 pm
@stephblais,
Why don't you ask him why he doesn't just make more money, so this wouldn't be a problem?

You really want to be married to someone who's going to complain about your earning power in your relationship?

Cause honey, he's not going to stop.

0 Replies
 
gorff
 
  -1  
Reply Sun 13 Nov, 2016 05:31 pm
@stephblais,
The guy should be the provider. If you want to do a together thing, that is fine. But if he is making an issue such as you HAVE to make more in-oder to marry, then he isn't a guy who can provide for you. If he cant grasp that, then he is not in a position to marry anyway.

Id talk to him: Does he need you in his life? Does he want you in his life. Is money a deal breaker? If it is then its not you he is really 100% after. You should persue a guy who at least wants to be the one to look after you financially. Again, if its a group effort (you and him) fine, but that should not be the end all. Such as, if you dont make enough.. that should not stop him from wanting to marry you. You should chip in so to speak out of the goodness of your heart and wanting the relationship to be financially sound. Any more than that and he is sorta using you.

You are not marrying him.. he is not marrying you. You are both marrying eachother. See my point? Its his responsibility to financially attept to make things work. If money is that off.. then tell him to get a better paying job or make changes. If he does not want to, then you know where this is going
0 Replies
 
Debra Law
 
  1  
Reply Sun 13 Nov, 2016 06:19 pm
@stephblais,
stephblais wrote:

My boyfriend and I have been together for going on 4 years. We have lived together for most of that time. I know he loves me but he gets so frustrated that I don't make a lot of money. He pays for almost everything. I pay my car payment and insurance and help buy grocerys. We talk about getting married but then he says we won't get married until I make more money. This really hurts my feelings. I feel like i'm not good enough for him now. Part of me wants to say if i'm not good enough to marry now as the wonderful woman and girlfriend I am then I don't want to marry you when you deem me marriage worthy just because i'm making more money. Am I being overly sensitive or is that just a mean thing for him to say?


People involve themselves in romantic/intimate relationships for selfish reasons ... it's to get their most basic and important needs met, including but not limited to their needs for love, respect (mutual admiration), companionship, conversation, financial security, sex, etc.

You and your boyfriend have been together for four years. Perhaps getting married and having children is in your future. But how will you care for those children? How will you support them? Will you be able to afford day care, or will all your earnings go to pay for day care and you will have no money left over to satisfy your other financial needs?

You are certainly at a cross roads. Both of you must identify your most important needs, talk about them, and determine if and how those needs can be met by staying together. If you have no future together and are incapable of fulfilling each others most important needs, then the two of you should consider moving on with your lives as individuals and not as a couple.
lat123
 
  1  
Reply Mon 14 Nov, 2016 08:40 pm
@stephblais,
Definitely do not let him degrade you in that way. If he feels as if it is a problem that he does not want to deal with, then bring this up with him. It is always hard, but it is always better to be completely happy.
0 Replies
 
reasoning logic
 
  1  
Reply Fri 9 Dec, 2016 05:12 pm
@Debra Law,
Quote:
People involve themselves in romantic/intimate relationships for selfish reasons ... it's to get their most basic and important needs met, including but not limited to their needs for love, respect (mutual admiration), companionship, conversation, financial security, sex, etc.

You and your boyfriend have been together for four years. Perhaps getting married and having children is in your future. But how will you care for those children? How will you support them? Will you be able to afford day care, or will all your earnings go to pay for day care and you will have no money left over to satisfy your other financial needs?

You are certainly at a cross roads. Both of you must identify your most important needs, talk about them, and determine if and how those needs can be met by staying together. If you have no future together and are incapable of fulfilling each others most important needs, then the two of you should consider moving on with your lives as individuals and not as a couple.


You must be very old. Wink Very Happy Shocked Cool How else could you have the wisdom that you have? You seem very smart to me.
Debra Law
 
  1  
Reply Fri 9 Dec, 2016 06:19 pm
@reasoning logic,
reasoning logic wrote:

Quote:
People involve themselves in romantic/intimate relationships for selfish reasons ... it's to get their most basic and important needs met, including but not limited to their needs for love, respect (mutual admiration), companionship, conversation, financial security, sex, etc.

You and your boyfriend have been together for four years. Perhaps getting married and having children is in your future. But how will you care for those children? How will you support them? Will you be able to afford day care, or will all your earnings go to pay for day care and you will have no money left over to satisfy your other financial needs?

You are certainly at a cross roads. Both of you must identify your most important needs, talk about them, and determine if and how those needs can be met by staying together. If you have no future together and are incapable of fulfilling each others most important needs, then the two of you should consider moving on with your lives as individuals and not as a couple.


You must be very old. Wink Very Happy Shocked Cool How else could you have the wisdom that you have? You seem very smart to me.


Yes, I'm old and I have relationship experience. That doesn't necessarily make me smart, but I read a lot. I rely on information gleaned from the marriage builders website. It is extremely useful information for people who are interested in genuine self-reflection and improvement.




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