Am I A Slut?

I have been with my current partner for 23 years; we have always discussed our previous partners as and when the need seemed to arise. They are part of the history of each of us, after all. The good, the bad and the ugly.

Are you sure you're not just looking to create an argument?

So you, or someone else expresses disagreement and that's giving their opinion. I do it and it's arguing?

I suppose I could say the same to you, but I wouldn't as I know that's not true and I understand you're simply giving your thoughts on the subject.

Reverse the above and apply to me.

Btw vikorr, someone is going thumb down crazy, and I see has given you a few. Wanted to let you know it wasn't me.

I asked whether or not you were looking for an argument because:

- when you quoted me, you removed all the qualifying context of the remainder of the paragraph. If I ignored the context, your post would 'make sense'...but with the context left in - your reply makes no sense.

- our OP explained why she posted, and what specifically she wanted advice on...and the first sentence you reply back with is 'So why the hell did you come here with this topic?"

- Your last few posts came acrosss as insistent that your way of looking at this is right. You didn't acknowledge any validity on the OP's part. And your tone (towards the OP) came across as aggressive.

I'm guessing there's no intent on your part to have replied in this way, but it did come across as looking for an argument.

In relation to the downthumber - whoever the nutcase is, they are quite obsessive. He/She created multiple fake accounts. They then become a 'follower' of you using these multiple accounts (just have a look for the accounts with almost no posts to their names, and if they do have some posts, posting in the same tone / style / area of interest). It's a shame that A2k has no way of dealing with such, but in the end, it has little meaning to me..

Curiously, I have a suspicion of who it is, but who other than an administrator could tell for sure.

Edit: I also wish that whoever voted this up didn't. It is not my intent to one up you.

Oh for god's sake!!

Tell him about All your past lovers -- including all the details.

See how he responds.

I think this is your way of getting him to drop you.

I think people should upvote posts that they agree with or approve of, and downvote those they have the opposite feelings about. It should not involve partisanship or factionalism.

Ah. Now I see where you're coming from.

To explain...
I wasn't trying to quote you out of context. Sorry it if seemed that way. I know when I see someone else quoting another poster with the entire quote, it just seems at times like overkill doing the entire passage. I was simply trying to eliminate some verbage, and didn't realize I making you think I was cherry picking. Sorrrrry.

As to my "why the hell" response, she made it clear in her opening post what she wanted to talk about. Something like "I was thinking about telling him", and she was getting several answers saying in essence, "not a good idea perhaps, unless you're looking for trouble."

Looking back at her post prior to my "WTH", meh, I'm still fine with saying that.

While she did it more eloquently than some others in her situation might of, in essence her message was "you don't know me, we're not the same, not everyone thinks the same way, maybe he'd like to know, you can't tell me what to do, that's not fair, I made the right choice, etc."

Which is actually pretty funny, her saying some of that, as I'd already said the same thing to her in a prior post,by the 3 words "He's not you"

She began the thread, and I saw it in the first post, that she wanted to tell this guy, was going to tell this guy, and for some reason needed to share this with strangers. At the most, she was hoping her already made decision would be validated by others, maybe other 21 year old women, telling her that, yes, you need to do that, and discuss and talk about it late into several nights, and be upset that he doesn't understand, because if he really cared he would want to bare his soul too, and so forth. All pretty much stuff no guy wants to do.

So yeah, I realize I was whistling in the wind trying to share real life experience, because, no offense at all to her, she's living in the bubble of own experience, which is much smaller, simply because not enough time as gone by for her to enlarge that bubble. When I realized that was when she said something about me being secure in my relationship because of the number of years, etc. seemingly with no understanding I got into it one day, then woke up the next and it was decades later.

Like I explained later, I got into this when I was something like a dozen years older than her, so was ahead of the game in the first place. So, 8 months into our dating/living together, I had already done same as she had, and learned from my mistakes. She'll get there. Time takes time.Will she end up like me exactly? Of course not. But the 32 year old her certainly won't respond to the situation like the 21 year old is. That said, we all know mileage varies.

I can distinctly remember going through situations at a particular age, and having someone older/been through that, tell me how I could avoid a lot of heartache. I course I did what I wanted. But more times than I'd like to admit, much later on, I would think, "Damn, she was right"

So yeah, you've made up your mind already, what the hell do you want? Obviously not what she heard. That's ok. I get it. It's her life. From the tiny bit of it I know of it from her sharing her situation, all I can do is look at it, sigh, and think, "oh dear, this won't end well" It's watching the train wreck in slow motion.

We're not all the same. I was pretty much a soul-barer at 21.

You know, you could be right.

Taking into consideration that at 21 she's had sex with 10 guys, been in "relationships" with some of them....let's say for fun she's been in a relationship with half of them, so 5.

She's been having sex for what? 6? Maybe 7 years at the most? That is if she started young.

Doing the math I don't see how these, what she calls "relationships" could have last more than than the length of time she's been with this one. Maybe it just coming up to the cut off point.

Then, with the next guy, she can share how she been to bed with 11 guys.

<shrugs>

Ha! just had a memory. This is not directed at our initial poster. Just smiling at it. Totally off topic.
We hired a young receptionist once, and a few months after starting, she had her 19th birthday. For some reason she seemed to have expected squeals of delight, and a halt put to work for the entire day, to celebrate her "special day" A birthday card and small gift card was obviously not what she was expecting. She was going on about how her boyfriend was going to do this that and the other for her. Thank goodness he was around, he only had to wear the ankle while he worked, but apparantly he got some extra time.

Anyway, in the course of all this boyfriend story, she was sharing how many other men had fallen in love with her, wanted to marry her, etc etc. I asked her "You're turning....19.....right?"

Uh huh.

"you just got out of high school last year, right?"

uh huh.

"All these men have fallen in love with you, right?"

uh huh.

oy.

Damn!
I knew someone would say that.

WHY didn't I remember to put in that qualifier we're all supposed to add to everything we ever say.

"I know this isn't true for everyone"

Baring my soul (or at least uncovering it a bit) worked quite well for me among the arty girl students I hung out with. If nothing else, it had novelty value.

I meant that we always have to be so f#cking aware to add these disclaimers to every damn thing we say in order to not offend someone.

Or course there are men like you.

Gawd.

Pretty sure you've nicked off by now.

You know TYPING in CAPITALS generally is showing anger or making a HUGE point.

Your question is only one thing that's on your mind. You have a lot of other things on your mind all relating to the same thing however, fear of loosing this guy.

He called you loose.
He acts jealous
He will stop you from being friends with males eventually, or leave you if you won't
He can't fathom other guys that he knows being with you before him.


Yes, I think he will nick off too.

No you are not a Slut.

What is a Slut? I mean he slept with 8 before you, does that make him a Slut?

"What's meant to be will be" The bottom line is, if he does nick off, who cares. You have a right as an individual person, as a human, to be with who ever you want, when ever you want, how you want, it's your life. If a guy can't fathom that, then he is in-secure or judges people, you don't sound in-secure and you don't sounds as if you judge people. So you know, this guy man actually not be "the" one.

Actually, I'm not all that sure of the eight priors. There's an old joke that ends with the preacher asking "Is you confessin' or bragging?'" A man is much more likely to overstate the case than a woman.

That's actually very true Roger, pride or something?

Then again, he's 27..... Then again, he could have had 2 x 4 year relationships, or, 3 x 2 years and 2 trials, or..........