Two for the price of one

Like a lot of husbands throughout history, Webster would sit
down and try to talk to his wife. But as soon as he would
start to say something, his wife would say, "... And what's
that supposed to mean?"

Thus, Webster's Dictionary was born.

***

A divorce in Texas

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce,
and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"

She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the
middle of the property with a stream running by."

"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"

"It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded.

"I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?"

"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my
husband's parents."

He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"

"No," she replied, "We have a large carport and have never
really needed one."

"Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your
marriage?"

"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't
necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions
is 'yes'."

"Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"

"Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier
than I do."

Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you
want a divorce?"

"Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted
a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with
me."


Yeah, I know. The 2d one is old.