i need advice bad

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first off i love my wife to pieces and will always love and be in love with her.
we are both 23 and have been married now for 3 years.

this is the same old problem in marriage and i bet you know what it is about....
sex, yes sex. my wife and i's sex life has never been what you would call hot. even when dating it wasn't hot. so i knew early on that she had a low sex drive and i learned early on not to mention sex or make a pass at having sex with her a whole lot, because it made her think i just wanted sex all the time and thats all i want with her. so i try very hard to be careful with my urges.

the once a week we have sex, which was always on saturday night if i was lucky and never on any other day. i know thats the one day a week i have a chance. the once every other week or so. same deal with saturdays.

now the problem is that i have a very high sex drive on tests i've taken i've always been a 10 in sex drive. now i live my wife but an mention to her about our sex life results in a fight and with me on the couch no matter how i approach it and no i'm not saying "you need to change our sex life or i'm leaving." i do not approach it like that. i am calm and very careful of choosing my words. if she ever caught or thought i was looking at porn i'd be a dead man also. helping myself is not a fun option.

so i have all this sexual energy and don't know how to control it. i am able to surpress it around my wife, (pretty sad eh?) but at night i am very naughty to her in my sleep and it pisses the hell out of her. i can not control this and it's been happening more frequently as in every night for a week or two so i have been sleeping on the couch just so she can get some sleep.

what do i do with this energy, what should i do? this is all becoming very irritating to me and i'm really about to lose it. i don't want to leave my wife or make her unhappy, but somethings got to break. i am very miserable.

thanks in advance.

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Go out and rent a copy of Godfather I...and watch the scene in which the godfather deals with the whining of his godson...the singer who wants the part in the movie.

Then get someone to slap you around the same way.

You gotta wake up and act like a man.

If your wife won't take care of your sexual needs...you ought to take care of them yourself. It won't be as much fun as getting together with a woman...but a clenched fist can be incredibly beautiful if there are no alternatives.

And if your wife gives you any shyt about it...beat the piss out of her.

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You definitely need to take care of yourself, even though it's "not a fun option". Being "naughty" to your wife while she sleeps isn't sweet or cute - it's barely this side of rape. She is not consenting to whatever you are doing. If you penetrate while she is not in a state of consent, it is not cool - it's actionable.

Sorry if that scares you but, hell, I'm not sorry. It's intentional - be scared. There is such a thing as marital rape and you need to watch yourself and take responsibility for your actions. You don't have control my foot! If you pleasure yourself, you will have control. Don't jeopardize your marriage over this.

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yeah i understand that and it does scare me which is why i'm asked the post in the first place. its nothing forceful just touching and she wakes me up and i move to the couch.

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Nocturnty

When I read your post it all most fell on deaf ears.

You get to have sex once a week? From my point of view you are fortunate.
For spiritual reasons I don't have sex unless I am in a monogamous relationship, I have not had that type of relationship in 3 years.

I am not the only person I know who has had to abstain from sex for such a period.

You also have other blessings single people don't have, such as a companion who has given herself to you and you alone!

I'm sure your wife has MANY qualities which is why you "love her to pieces" focus on them.

Perhaps a "hot" shower before going to bed (except for saturday night)

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Nocturnity: welcome!

You should have a serious and loving talk with your wife about this. I really think that she's either a complete louse of a wife, or something is wrong with her medically.

Your post sounds like you are being held in a prison! You even sound scared! Give more details....is she just a real b-word? (controlling, self-centered, bully type)

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PamO. wrote:

Nocturnity: welcome!

You should have a serious and loving talk with your wife about this. I really think that she's either a complete louse of a wife, or something is wrong with her medically.

Your post sounds like you are being held in a prison! You even sound scared! Give more details....is she just a real b-word? (controlling, self-centered, bully type)

It's quite possible that the wife might be scared herself. Talk is good, so is a hobby.

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what's the wife scared of? he does sound scared, am i reading his post wrong? he sounds like he's walking around on eggshells trying to appease her every whim.

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Good post Paula...made me see another side.

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PamO. wrote:

what's the wife scared of? he does sound scared, am i reading his post wrong? he sounds like he's walking around on eggshells trying to appease her every whim.

Simple answer, they are not compatible sexually. So....where does our poster go from here? I'm not saying your reading of the post was wrong, but I don't see it as a matter of 'appeasement'. They have widely different approaches to sex, that might require therapy if it's going to work.

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Frank just found me and brought me over....looks like I got here just in time......but here's what we need to happen....we don't have enough information. I'm going to smoke a joint, get a cocktail.... when I get back I want all the details on EXACTLY what you mean, and I mean in full detail, of how you're being naughty to your wife while she sleeps. Then and only then can I advise you.

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paulaj I think I can help you too...... :wink:

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Re: i need advice bad

nocturnity wrote:

. my wife and i's sex life has never been what you would call hot. even when dating it wasn't hot. so i knew early on that she had a low sex drive and i learned early on not to mention sex or make a pass at having sex with her a whole lot, because it made her think i just wanted sex all the time and thats all i want with her. so i try very hard to be careful with my urges.

Why did you marry her?

Seriously... if it's that big of a problem, and has been such a big problem, you have a lot of complicity in this. Imagine for a minute a post written by a woman, saying that she never liked sex, she knew her then-boyfriend liked sex a lot, and she just kinda hoped he would change after they got married. This imaginary poster would get all sorts of guff -- rightly -- for marrying him based on what she HOPED he would morph into rather than what he actually was.

Same here. This was a problem from very early on, you weren't conned into anything. You had an opportunity to say, "This won't work for me, I have a much higher sex drive than you" and see how she reacted to that -- and you didn't take it.

You can still do that now, of course. After you are already hugely frustrated, and after you have lost credibility by making her feel unsafe in her own bed. (As Jes says, that's bordering on -- or maybe even already is -- downright illegal.)

You obviously have to deal with this somehow. As always, I recommend professional counseling.

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Bi-Polar Bear wrote:

paulaj I think I can help you too...... :wink:

That's what I like about you BEAR! Alway's thinking of others :-)

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paulaj wrote:

Bi-Polar Bear wrote:
paulaj I think I can help you too...... :wink:

That's what I like about you BEAR! Alway's thinking of others :-)

honey that's not even my best feature :wink:

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Bi-Polar Bear wrote:

paulaj wrote:
Bi-Polar Bear wrote:
paulaj I think I can help you too...... :wink:

That's what I like about you BEAR! Alway's thinking of others :-)

honey that's not even my best feature :wink:

TEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Go SOZ

Counciling, before it gets worse.

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Nocturnity...

If your sex drive is as 'high' as you say it is, then you've likely already been helping yourself out for years. That's always an option.

Counseling for both you and your wife is also an option to find perhaps a middle ground. Your wife's sex drive may not be as low as you think it is, she could simply feel sexually repressed and embarrassed by the act. That's something that could be changed and then you might end up with a tigress on your hands.

I won't get your hopes up, but do take action either in counselling to resolve the issue and relegate yourself in the bathroom with some lotion and tissues.

And as Jespah so noted--your being 'naughty' in the night to your wife IS just short of rape. Marital rape IS actionable and she could jail you for it.

I hope you find the right guidance in your situation.

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MAYBE
Maybe you should take the emphasis off the act of sex and back on to your wife. Treat her to something simple and pleasurable, but dont act like your doing it for the reward of sex. Start your seduction early in the day with compliments, let her know how sexy you think she is, embrace her. Give her something to think about. Take a step into her shoes, find out what she desires. And dont forget women love talk. And also make her feel as special after sex as you did when you was trying to get some.

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Welcome bellavu, nice post

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i need advice bad

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