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Wed 29 Sep, 2004 07:46 am
i dont know if you remember me but i am the girl who had a crush on the guy at the gym. well guess what? I never saw him again! Very weird. I have gone back to the gym same times i saw him and he was never there. So i gave up a while ago, lol. Since then i have gone out a few dates with a different guy. I met him at a party and since then we have hung out 4 times. I have no clue what is going on. I dont feel that he's the interested in me yet does call me to go out. I'm starting to feel like i'm just someone for him to hang out with when he has nothing to do. He has not told me how he feels about me at all.
We have hooked up a few times, but havent had sex. to be graphic i have given him a hand job, and gave him a bj the other night. 2 of the 4 times we've hung out i've had my period, the other 2 times i just didnt feel comfortable having him do anything to me. I just dont know if he's only interested in hooking up. On saturday we went to a really nice restaurant, had a great time, then at 10:30 we were deciding what to do. He said he wanted to go home so he could kiss me. I feel like he is attracted to me, but at the same time it feel like he just wants to hook up. nothing about us having sex has come up though...i stayed at his place saturday, he dropped me off sunday, didnt say anythign about calling or hanging out again (which is how it always is) and i havent heard from him yet. Normally he calls on a wednesday or thursday after the weekend, but i guess i'm kind of getting annoyed with the whole situation. Am i being unreasonable?
Maybe he (the guy you're currently dating) just wants to move slowly. How long have you been going out? A week? A month? Six months? These amounts of time are different enough that his behavior can easily mean different things.
Have you tried asking him about this?
re
well i did kind of ask if he was just looking to hook up with. I asked this on the 2nd date and i think it weirded him out a bit. He said he couldnt make a decision like that after 2 dates. So because of that i have not asked anything else. He has no problem hooking up with me...yet he seems to have problem telling me he'll call me again when he drops me off. If he wants to take things slow that's fine. But i guess i get mixed messages when he wants me to spend the night but then doesnt make plans again when he drops me off.
I think you moved on too fast to physical stuff... How can he know you, know if he likes you after just a couple meetings? How can you know if you like him? Maybe your actions made him feel cheap, like you'd give a handjob to just any guy you dated twice? I don't know. You ought to ask him...
re
well the handjob thing was his idea...i mean it's not as though i slept with him. Perhaps it did move a bit fast there, but i dont think it's a dealbreaker. I have friends that slept with guys on the first date and are still dating them a year later. I could see it being weird if i forced him but that certianly wasnt the case. I understand that he doesnt know how he feels...i dont know how i feel either, but i just dont like how everything is up in the air or wondering if he'll call again....
Re: re
class241 wrote:I have friends that slept with guys on the first date and are still dating them a year later....
That's definitely the exception rather than the rule, class241. I agree that you allowed the relationship to become sexual too soon. Now the only way you'll ever know if he likes you for yourself, and not just the sex, is to put the brakes on and see if he still comes around. Live and learn...
Class241...I'd like to help, but I can't get past the part about the handjob. I think I've fallen for you...
Tell him that you're worried about being swept off your feet and moving too fast--and stay out of his apartment.
I'm not talking "hard to get" I'm talking about giving the relationship some time before you get physical again.
re
ok so he called wednesday night and left a voicemail because i missed the call. I called him back a half hour later-got his voicemail and left him a message. Thursday i go out with friends-he calls, i miss the call again he leaves a voicemail. I call him back, get his voicemail. I havent heard from him. I assume he had plans last night since it was friday. No clue if he'll call me over the weekend or just wait until next week. Who knows, maybe he wont call at all, but i figure he must be somewhat interested if he called me twice. I am frustrated because i try to take the advice of, dont sit by the phone. Well sometimes when you dont sit by the phone you miss calls hence the reason i had nothing to do last night.
So do guys get sick of phone tag and decide to just not call?
When they find someone else to jerk them off or blow them off, yeah, they don't call.
While you're doing all of this for him, what is he doing for you?
re
Is there any need to be so rude?
yeah, they don't call
can you read? he did call...twice.
Sorry darling. I'll stay off of your thread.
Good luck to you.
class, welcome to A2k.
Sometimes an honest opinion can seem rude. eoe is a thoughtful, lovely and caring member and though she may have ruffled your feathers I have to agree with her.
From a no longer a teenage boy point of view: I spent many years trying to wheedle hand/blow jobs from young ladies for the simple reason that all my friends were acting that way and bragging about it to each other. I don't remember ever caring much about the girls, I just wanted another notch on my belt.
Over the years I have come to realize that good , deep caring love is a pyramid with a solid foundation. Friendship,unselfishness, empathy, sympathy, devotion, maturity, respect and the ability to provide intimacy are part of the base and one of the cornerstones is sexual love.
Unfortunately intimacy, if it is broached too early can actually stifle the development of the other building blocks.
My suggestion, and I know this is weird coming from a former hippie who believed in "free love"; is that you develop the other important features of love before you explore intimacy with a b/f.That way at least you'll retain a measure of self respect and you might save yourself a hell of a lot of time to boot.
That's just what I've learned.
Thanks for sharing that very well-expressed life lesson, panzade.
I suspect more than one person is going to learn something from it.
class--
Eoe asked you a provocative question--not an insulting one. Any rudeness was not on her side.
Class,
Please know that you asked the question, provided the info, and the responses are heartfelt and honest. eoe simply asked what you were getting out of this relationship--which doesn't sound like much.
panzade is giving the guy side of it with profound insight from experience.
You pretty much implied that you weren't bowled over by this guy or even that overly attracted to him which was why you 'didn't let him do anything to you; yet you willingly gave him a hand-job and a bj.
I'm guessing you are quite young. It worries me that you feel obligated to perform such services of intimacy with a man you feel so little for. I'd suggest you need to boost your self-esteem and self-worth well before you venture into any relationship in the future. Don't be so needy.
Good luck.
I couldn't agree more with Angry Waves, and would only add that you probably feel pressure because many of your friends go into 'intimacy' this fast. Hand and blow jobs are intimate sexual acts, whether or not in the current jargon they are considered sex. As Panzade also mentioned, going there too fast can short circuit some real intimacy and pleasure later.
I'm a woman (you can't tell by my posting name or avatar) and not prudish. I'm not against fast sometimes. preferably as an option when you are older and have some range of experience, but as a way of being a grownup lover, it is dumb as a routine with people you have just started to spend time with.
re
thank you for the advice that most of you have given me. My question was simply about calling back. As i said we were playing phone tag, i was the last one to leave the message on thursday adn i havent heard from him since. I really am a bit ticked off at this point and if he does happen to call this week i dont know if i'll even answer. I know we have only gone out 4 times, but i guess i'm not as laid back about calling as he is. he could have taken a few minutes to call me even if it was just to say i'm busy.
I agree class...sometimes a cigar...is just a cigar
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