However, beyond that, where the problem lies, is her attitude. She likes to state that she is queen of this household.[/i] She says it in jest, but also means it on some level, expects things to go her way, bullies the little people to have her way... 
The babies told me that she would push them and pinch them and yell at them and sometimes lock them out of the house. 
Cutting back on my workload cuts back on our income. Paying someone outside cuts into our income. So she and I talked and talked, and I would be told what I wanted to hear from her, and she doesn't lock them out of the house any more, but she forgets and barks orders like a drill sergeant at them! Often unreasonable orders ("Pick that puzzle up, now!" 2 days ago- I was doing a 700 piece puzzle with the babies- we had about 500 pieces together at the time... ) And she was on the phone w/one of her girlfriends the other day, and dd7 came knocking at the side door, dd13 opened it up, shouted, "What do you want?" and when dd7 said nothing, she slammed the door shut in her little sister's face!) At one point, after volley ball started up (she's a fantastic player- drives herself hard, pumps up the team...) she got that we were a family team and she needed to lift up her team members, not tear them down, but that message didn't stick... I don't quite know what to do with her... And ds5's whining is really very unnattractive! It's a reaction to her treatment toward him, I am convinced of that! Dd7 gets caught in the middle, she has always been closer to her brother than her sister, but she's a little kid and shouldn't have to run interference. I could opt not to work evenings, but I make $50/hr giving massages, and we need the money; when work is out there, I need to take it... I am willing to consider any ideas...
Also, sometimes, it's me time I'm taking... And also, although I get paid $50/hr, it takes about 2 hours to go and do a massage total... And a lot of time there is something I need to pop in to buy at a store on the way home, etc. She gets credit toward things she wants or permission to do things she really wants to right now... Besides, when she walks the dogs for the neighbors and makes $40/weekend, her attitude still sucks... Maybe to their faces she seems nice enough, but it's different to your family; we know what she thinks about us and have to put up with her... Bottom line is I don't think she would stop bullying little people if I were giving her money at the time, and then what, dock her for them complaining? That would put them in graver danger. Right now it's just frustrating stuff: like, will she forget to make them dinner? Or make them stuff they won't eat, then berate them for not eating? Or force them to eat outside for some infraction of her rules? Or will she pinch ds5 for spilling something? Or for spilling something and not cleaning it up fast enough? Or what will happen? (All of these have been the dinner scenarios since she began babysitting... some didn't come out until some time after the incident b/c she threatened them not to tell...)
I'm not sure whether the title of your question is a pun or a Freudian Slip. Don't you want to "rein in" your little princess (as in controlling a spirited horse) as opposed to letting her "reign" like a little despot?
Also: What is the difference between a dd and a ds? I assume the numbers are ages?
Thirteen is the beginning of the tempestuous teens and it doesn't sound as though you and the Little Princess are off to a good start. You are the adult. The burden of child rearing (and she is still a child) is on your shoulders.
She thinks that she is far more grown up than she is. I'd guess that in addition heartlessly exploiting a sweet and innocent girl that you are
also guilty of treating her like a Mere Child.
Does she have any special privileges as a 13 year old? Or only extra responsibilities? How big a vote does she get in picking her wardrobe? Setting her curfew? Setting her bedtime? Does she have a room of her own?
You spoke of a boyfriend and I gather that your daughter's father is no longer living with you? Always keep in mind that from her point of view, you and her father Ruined Her Life by Putting Yourselves First and Shattering Her Happy Home.
From her point of view, you make the decisions and she has to suffer.
I agree with Sozobe that she deserves some payment for babysitting--providing that the babies are pleased. Babysitting is part of your overhead--you can't go off to clients and leave the little ones alone. You've made your overhead your daughter's problem and she resents it.
Pay at "X" an hour is a possibility.
So is a weekly or fortnightly mother/daughter shopping trip--just the two of you. Think creatively here--you know your daughter better than I do.
Could you upgrade her sports equipment?
Publically recognize your Little Princess's advanced age and superior wisdom. Do the younger kids give her any respect--or do they yammer and tattle? Does she have privileges that they do not?
Think of the babysitting battle as a symptom of a larger problem, not the whole problem.
Hold your dominion.
I think I'll leave it stand... 
) Dd13 has issues about that + about me dating, but they've gotten better since my bf gave us a new car... 
During my well-deserved bath, the penny dropped.
The Freudian Slip: reign/rein
She calls herself a princess.
Your on line name is "princesspupule".
I'm not a psychologist--just an English major--but you and your daughter are in a classic power struggle about just who is in charge in your house.
Believe it or not, she's saying that she wants you to be in charge. She doesn't want to babysit--and she's doing her damnedest to get you to replace her as a sitter.
She resents your absence in the evenings (aside from being stuck with babysitting your kids--and they are your kids).
She's bratty and bitchy and self-centered and unhappy. She wants more of her mother's time than she has right now. I grant you, she sounds very unloveable at the moment--but this is the time she most needs love.
Is she showing any signs of puberty besides the emotional turmoil? Hair? Breasts? Does she get her period? Is she fertile?
If she goes looking for love.....are you ready to be a grandmother?
Is there any chance that the two of you could go for counseling together? Single mothers need all the help they can get. A professional referee can accomplish more in an hour or so (or several months) than an emotionally involved mother can.
Stop competing on the Princess Level. Promote yourself to Queen, take charge and move a few mountains in your spare time.
Hold your dominion.
She is definitely a teenager, fully developed~ hair straightened for 8th grade~ popular, but a little too competitive to draw boys desire (apparently it's not so great to cream them in sports: their precious egos and all that 
) She is interested, but wary of boys as a species... (The phone call when she slammed the door inher sister's face was about a boy who dumped her friend for another girl at the fair over the weekend... 
) But she has agreed with me that she prefers the rule to remain that she doesn't date, mom said. (She apparently looks good to the 8th grade boys when she wears her pink skirt and tanks w/a flower behind her ear and newly straightened hair as she did the first few days of school... but that look was too hard to maintain, and after trying it out for a couple days, she was back in shorts and shirts she can play sports and run in.) She recently was allowed to go to a friend's house, but unbeknownst to me, the friend's mom was in Vegas, and the friend's older sister was driving the mother's car w/out permission or a license. She crashed it while my dd was watching. So the rules tightened back up about where you go and why... It has been a struggle this past year with her body changing and her hormones rushing... and mine, as I approach peri, rushing in the opposite direction... ) My adult sons never treated the babies badly (dd13 and my girl who died were babies watched by my older ones- and they were, um... let's see, 10-> watching them 1st w/help, then on their own, just like dd was. I do remember having power struggles w/the boys, just different ones... I shall hold my dominion, I like that phrase.
Stumble It!
Tweet This
Bookmark on Delicious
Share on Facebook
Share on MySpace