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Putting your parents in a carehome?

 
 
Reply Mon 12 Sep, 2016 06:06 am
Has anyone had any experience of this?

My mum had to do it to my granny. I don't want to have to do it to my parents at all, but I'm looking at our ages now (I'm 28, they're 68/71) and I'm just thinking that what MAY happen is that I might end up with a small baby, trying to afford to pay for the baby (all my work is in London) at the same time that they can no longer look after themselves and I won't be able to afford to give them good treatment and although I will try and do as much for them as I can, I was wondering if I would be able to rent their house out to other people (they own it) to pay for the care bills. Or do I have to sell the house?
Does anyone have any experience of this?
It's all a bit far away, but I'm just trying to think a bit about the possibilities in case I get really stuck.
 
PUNKEY
 
  2  
Reply Mon 12 Sep, 2016 08:05 am
Unless they are sick, then don't worry about it now. Don't let other people be your anxiety.

They should set up a trust, anyway. That will give you directions for what they want to happen.

BTW - They are YOUNG for American standards!!
ossobucotemp
 
  1  
Reply Mon 12 Sep, 2016 09:22 am
@PUNKEY,
I had to sell my mother's house in order to pay for her care. Back then, I was your age. It took nine years of expensive care for my mother to die, very hard on her. Your considering these issues now is not silly.
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  6  
Reply Mon 12 Sep, 2016 09:49 am
@PUNKEY,
TPQ is British.

@The Pentacle Queen - at least in the US, they have to spend down their $$ in order to get aid, and the system looks back a few years to make sure the money isn't being socked away in the Cayman Islands or anything.

Talk to your parents and bring in their solicitor. Your folks are competent so these are, currently, their decisions, but talk to them about your concerns. If they don't have a will, urge them to make one (hence the solicitor) or update theirs if it is more than 5 years old. Ask them to consider their future care situation and a few scenarios.

I think you are thinking - and a lot of folks fall into this trap - that the whole thing is all or nothing. They are in their current home or it's full-time care. But there are several stages in between. These depend on your parents' health and what it is down the road.

For example, your parents may be otherwise healthy and perfectly competent but have mobility issues and may need a place with one story but not much else, and that might work for them for a while. Or they might get cancer and require treatment but remain with it mentally and just need help during chemo. Heart or lung function problems can cause weakness which can make mobility an issue even if legs are fine. And arthritis in hands can make daily tasks difficult even if they can run up and down the stairs like champs. Or they could go deaf or blind or both. None of that gets into Alzheimer's, which is not guaranteed but is far more prevalent the older they get. People in their nineties are often going to have some sort of mental or judgment impairment. See: http://www.alzfdn.org/AboutAlzheimers/statistics.html

So you should also talk to your parents about their medical issues. Get a full list of their doctors and the medications they are taking. In the US, so long as they are considered to be competent, their doctors can't divulge care information to you. I suspect things may be similar where you are. But talk to them about drug interactions because often there are a bunch of doctors and they are not necessarily perfectly communicating with each other. Five medications are almost guaranteed to have some sort of interaction issue. See: http://www.consumerreports.org/drugs/taking-multiple-meds-can-trigger-drug-interactions/

Plus there can be some nondrug alternatives. Your parents might benefit from some forms of exercise even if they aren't gym rats. Even daily or almost daily walking can be helpful for some issues, such as higher blood pressure. Even if they have mobility issues, getting outside is good for other things.

And by that I mean depression. It can be an issue for people, particularly if they are dealing with chronic pain.

Anyway, this is a lot to throw at you, and getting started early is not a bad idea at all. But your parents deserve to be a part of determining what their future is going to look like.
cicerone imposter
 
  5  
Reply Mon 12 Sep, 2016 03:32 pm
@jespah,
Walking every day is good exercise for seniors. My wife and I go for walks every day without exception. Some times it's for 30 minutes, and other times it's more depending on our environment.
I'm 81 and my wife is 79. We're still living at home, and believe we can still stay at home for several more years. I hope we can live here until our death.
I can't stand the smell of institutions, and living in one bedroom.
When we were in San Francisco two days ago to attend the Ghirardelli Chocolate Festival, I slipped and fell. It pulled some of my muscles on my left leg, and it still hurts a little. I'm thinking of using a cane to walk, so I'll have some support.
I don't want our son who now lives in Austin to have the burden for our care.
izzythepush
 
  2  
Reply Tue 13 Sep, 2016 04:37 am
@The Pentacle Queen,
This website may help. It's UK based.

https://www.nidirect.gov.uk/articles/your-home-your-assets-and-your-residential-care-or-nursing-home-fees

Quote:
Setting up a family trust is one way of transferring the ownership of your home or other assets to someone else while you're still alive. You should get advice from a solicitor on this because the law surrounding trusts is complicated.
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  2  
Reply Tue 13 Sep, 2016 07:13 am
@cicerone imposter,
I think you're doing great, CI. I hope you're feeling better.
cicerone imposter
 
  1  
Reply Tue 13 Sep, 2016 10:23 am
@jespah,
Thanks, jespah. The pain is now fully gone. My wife and I went to McDonald's this morning for our senior coffee. We're going to go see "Sully" today at 1pm.
https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=sully&view=detail&mid=80B2E2DAEBB1348CBC9A80B2E2DAEBB1348CBC9A&FORM=VIRE0&mmscn=tpvh&ru=%2fsearch%3fq%3dsully%26form%3dAPMCS1%26PC%3dAPMC
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Tue 13 Sep, 2016 10:24 am
@The Pentacle Queen,
Have you talked to your parents about this? do you know what plans they may have already made for their future care?
0 Replies
 
The Pentacle Queen
 
  1  
Reply Tue 13 Sep, 2016 11:21 am
No I haven't spoken to them or anything because they're not ill or anything yet, they're doing pretty well. I guess we won't know until we know exactly what kind of care they will need.

Osso, couldn't you have rented out the house and used the money to pay for the care? I looked at what kind of rent the house would be worth (it is not a really nice house but is in a good area) and it is about £1000 a month, I don't know how many dollars that is.

pq x
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Tue 13 Sep, 2016 11:25 am
@The Pentacle Queen,
You need to talk to them about their plans. There could very well be something in place that you are not aware of.

It may be different where you are, but here a child can not rent out a parents home unless they have legal guardianship - for financial purposes. That financial guardianship is different than guardianship for care decisions. You should be looking at having that documentation available at this point. My parents prepared for that when they were younger than I am now (and I was a bit younger than you are).
0 Replies
 
ossobucotemp
 
  2  
Reply Tue 13 Sep, 2016 11:29 am
@The Pentacle Queen,
I did that. It wasn't near enough to pay for her care; she had alzheimer's and wandered, so needed to be in a special facility for what turned out to be for a long time. I did have legal guardianship, which was costly too. That time was a nightmare, certainly for her, but affecting me as well. Also, most of that house money was gone by the time she died. I did move her to a less expensive facility after she was no longer able to navigate long or even short walks on her own. Still, something like 95% of the sales price was gone after all the years she was ill.
The Pentacle Queen
 
  1  
Reply Fri 16 Sep, 2016 01:36 pm
@ossobucotemp,
Hmm. I need to ask them what their plan is really but I can't imagine them telling me.
0 Replies
 
vishal1
 
  1  
Reply Wed 5 Oct, 2016 06:49 am
They should set up a trust, anyway.
0 Replies
 
cicerone imposter
 
  1  
Reply Wed 5 Oct, 2016 10:48 am
@The Pentacle Queen,
1000 British pound is about US $1274.
0 Replies
 
 

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