No Sex for 4 months!

Stress is a real anti-aphrodisiac. I'm not a professional but it would be good if you two could get some counseling to help open up communication. Talking about things without getting angry is not always a prerequisite for an open relationship. Your wife might be holding in a lot of anger and perhaps it's not directed at you.

Panzade is right about the value of counseling. Discussion with a dispassionate moderator can be very helpful.

Meanwhile, can you try to do a bit of wooing and courting? A flower? A small box of her favorite candy? A paperback you think she'd like to read?

When was the last time you gave your wife a compliment on her looks or her wit or her charm? Have you told her lately that you love her? That you are proud of her? That she is necessary for your happiness--not your comfort, your happiness?

How are household chores divided in your world? Is your wife doing more than her share? Could you take over a bit of the laundry? Or the dishes? Or vacuuming? Are there any chores that are "yours" that you've been postponing? Small repairs? Errand running?

Get romantic. Being wooed and courted is excellent therapy.

There are also medical reasons for a lack of desire, including changes in birth control pills. I suggest you ask your wife to get a thorough physical examination, so that either that can be fixed or at least ruled out as a problem.

My only caveat dear Jes is that jeffer not approach his wife as if it were her problem only....that can seem very hostile.

I'm so sick of hearing the million reasons why women won't have sex and why men are supposed to be so understanding about it.....like it's a freaking disease or something......it's part of the slow but steady emasculation of men as far as I'm concerned...I realize that will be met with cries of pig and primitive but I don't care......

Primitive pig!

Naw! He's just firing for effect. Squinney is such an exquisite creature. You think she'd settle for a primitive pig?

Re: No Sex for 4 months!


You were having sex at a low frequency before "the drought." This tells me that one or both of you naturally have a low libido. That it has lowered more implies some sort of chemical imbalance, either depression or stress or from some sort of medication. (These answers have all been given to you before here.) If you don't want to talk to your dw about seeing a doctor for this problem, I would suggest some sort of short term boost to get her back up and running. #1) Get some exercise- it lifts depression and reduces stress. #2) Do something exciting to pump up adrenaline. #3) Feed her aphrodesiac foods: chocolates, oysters, etc. Then go in for the passionate kiss, and see how things go from there...

If those don't work for you, try getting a penis enlarger. It's probably the size that's making her uninterested... and if it isn't the size, then watching you strap that thing on ought to be good for a laugh, release the "good" biochemicals which will improve her mood, etc. etc.

I beg to differ. What can be "on a regular basis" for some could seem an eternity for others.

Me too, especially when many of those same women expect their #1 need to be met in different ways (their own language) such as emotions, feelings, hugs, etc.

I think you shouldn't ask for things IF you're not putting in your own share (his #1 need in MOST men being sex).

Joahaeyo, you're a woman after my own heart....at the very least :wink:

Agreed, you're absolutely right. :-D

I can't argue with you two nymphos. My honey just finished providing my "Afternoon Delight". I really appreciate the fact that she needs me for cuddling AND Hot Monkey Love.

thanks panz, now i can't get ( sing this next part) "sky rockets in flight! after-noon deliiiayht..aaaafternoon deeeelight..." out of my head.

Sorry Pam, I had no idea, for years what the song "Afternoon Delight was about.

BTW, The Starland Vocal Band were from DC, one of the few who made a hit record from our capital.

That song is like a virus.. it becomes part of your mitochondria...

In your own inimitable way Osso, you've hit the head on the nail.

OK I hate to admit this but when I was stressed I felt the same way as your wife about sex. I just kind of didn't want any emotional contact with anyone. It's like you are so upset with whatever is upsetting you that you can't spend any energy on any other emotion. In my case it didn't have anything to do with me not wanting to be with my husband.

I just needed time to work with my feelings and get over it and get back to normal

Maybe your wife is dealing with alot in her life and instead of turning to sex as something to make her feel better she just needs to be alone.

I wouldn't take it to heart. Just be there for her . Maybe just tell her you love her no matter what else is happening in your lives that you will always be there for her. That may mean alot to her. Women are very complex, what can I say !!!!

I guess I should mention that we who have been on a2k for a while really try to keep up and be sincere with new posters in the relationships and marriage forum, and we all keep learning and thinking along with the new posters, but once in a while we get a little batty.

None of us meant to grow up and give advice to others on these matters. We find ourselves here, sometimes being useful, and sometimes laugh about it. The laughing is never (or hardly ever) about a new poster.