should I get a divorce and what is happiness

Harsh? I was being much nicer than I wanted to be. Having an affair - and then saying lying is the top of her list of pet peeves - pot/kettle/black.

I absolutely agree, ehBeth. I'd walk out the door before I'd snoop. I wouldn't necessarily have to live with him, but I would have to live with myself.
And snooping shows a real lack of integrity.

If you ever find yourself acting dishonestly in a relationship and rationalizing it as necessary, the time has already passed when you should leave.

not quite sure
Not quite sure where the affair thing comes into play. I've never had an affair and don't think that I mentioned anything about that.
I do have some serious trust issues that I need to work through though and we both know that. I definitely don't think that it's over yet. We hardly ever fight, maybe only once a month and nothing that ever lasts more than 20 minutes. I guess the problem is really me getting over my trust issues and him getting over his bad habits that I don't like. I just know that there are some things that I refuse to live with for the rest of my life and I need to discover if they are going to be a problem now before I waste too much of my time and energy. I was irresponsible for not doing this before we were married but we all make mistakes and have to learn to live with them, learn from them, and move on.

ehbeth, the author has not had an affair. she snooped and found that her suspicions that she had married a bratty bum of a guy were confirmed.\

I understand your point and i understand what eva is saying as well. we just disagree on this one, no worries.

from what the author has described, it sounds to me like she has a hubby who is too used to being given everything...sounds like he's attached to momma/daddy. i would hate to see her hang it out for a few more years, only to find that she's wasted them on an immature guy who isn't going to change.

yeah, i agree with you eva, on the part about her leaving him already.

yup
[quote="PamO." ehbeth, the author has not had an affair. she snooped and found that her suspicions that she had married a bratty bum of a guy were confirmed.\
from what the author has described, it sounds to me like she has a hubby who is too used to being given everything...sounds like he's attached to momma/daddy. quote]

you hit the nail right on the head.

yay! I win I win I win!

we're all on your side stoneylee, just diff. opinions sometimes.

keep us posted on what you decide. i'm sure you are going to have a lot of thinking/decision making to do. good luck to you.

Well, I have qualms about pushing someone else, even your spouse, into following your particular moral code. You don't have to stay in the marriage if you don't like his behavior, but the plans to change him so he is as moral as you, in your view... are (searching for the word..) troublesome to me.

update
Here's the update everyone's been waiting for *lol*. My husband lied to me. . .again, and I basically told him I would divorce him if he didn't stop looking at porn on-line, and so far it's been 2 and 1/2 weeks since he's looked at any. I think we're doing pretty good on that issue. I told him that if he picks it up again after our 1 year anniversary, I don't care if it's 20 or 30 years down the road, his ass is out the door. He knows I'm serious so I think he'll behave. I do expect a slip up every once in a while and I'll be a bitc# when it happens but I think I have the situation under control. So for those who really have a problem with it like I do, stern and true threats seem to work pretty well There's my two cents. Good luck to everyone who's suffering with a simular problem and don't be affraid to be honest with your feelings.

Hope it works long term, stoneylee. 2.5 weeks isn't much in the scheme of things. How many "slip ups" are you willing to put up with?

Sorry, seems to me like a recipe for disaster... doesn't seem like the core issue has been addressed, really.

Good luck, though.

And thanks for the update, I always am curious about how things turn out.

Thanks, indeed, for the update.
Good luck.

Ok sorry but now your controlling him and thats never good. He needs to find a woman that doesn't mind porn and you need to find someone who appreciates you..

He will come to despise you over time from controlling him..

You will have problems again I am willing to put money on that.