I'm new here, need advice

Hey, welcome to Able2know.

Telling him you'd like to go out for coffee will not make you look desperate or like you're throwing yourself at him. Just say, "Dave (or whatever his name is), wanna grab some coffee some time?" or "Dave, there's a new Starbucks opened at __ (wherever, somewhere within reason), wanna come check it out with me and do some people-watching?" or "Dave, let's go get a coffee, I've gotta get some caffeine."

And then see how he reacts. If you don't like coffee, substitute soda or tea (obviously the Starbucks line won't work with soda, so just improvise).

Assuming you get him to grab a cuppa joe with you, talk to him. You need not pump him for information in order to find out if it'll go any further, just have a lovely time together and then, at the end, say, "There's a new film (or an old favorite, if you prefer that) playing at the cineplex. Would you like to go with me?"

See, coffee is somewhat ambiguous but it's a safe ice breaker. But a movie is a date, so if he says yes, or if he suggests something else, assume it's a date and behave accordingly.

If he doesn't go for coffee, all might not be lost, as, like I said, coffee can be ambiguous to some folks, so if he misses that hint it doesn't necessarily mean there's no interest there, although you may need to push ever so gently with something like "Oh, I didn't know you didn't like coffee. Maybe we can go get a soda instead?" And then, if he still says no, I personally wouldn't push it any more. If you do, then I think you can come across as needy or pushy, or as not listening to what he's saying. None of those things are good. It's a pas de deux, you walk forward, he steps back a little, but then he should walk forward on the next step. If he keeps moving backwards, then you need to know that there's no interest there on his part.

I doubt that the age difference will be an issue. You are fairly close, and certainly will have a number of shared experiences and, presumably, shared preferences. So those are areas where you can connect (after all, you need something to discuss over coffee - the weather is only going to last you about 5 minutes, 10 if you talk about all the hurricanes).

And best of luck to you.

PS How do you know him (e. g. where do you know him from)?

Hi jespah.....thanks so much for your quick reply.

ok, maybe i was too presumtuious (sp?) to say we are at a friendship level. I guess its more an aquantance level. Let me explain.

I have known him for a year. We live out in the country and he is the general Mr. fixit, roofer, plumber, carpenter and all around handy-man for our surrounding area. Basically he is real busy.

He was at my home about a year ago doing some work on our well.

3 weeks ago i had him come to shingle my roof. He came back a week later to insulate my attic.

That day i had asked him if he would like to stay and have dinner, he said sure, but also his helper/worker was included cause they came together.

Here are some of the suttle hints i mentioned. He enjoys having a cold beer after his work, which i offered him. As he was leaving i would say, i dont drink beer, so drop by again for a beer. He said he would.

The thing is....he is really busy, he has work coming from everywhere.
He told me next week he has 7 roofs to shingle.

He works (sometimes till 10pm), goes home, showers and goes to bed.

He may not even want to make time for a woman in his life.

I like what you said about i walk forward, he steps back a little, but then he should walk forward on the next step. That makes alot of sense.
Just trying to think if that is applying in our case.

Well he doesnt seem to moving backwards, so thats a good sign.
I am just being so impatient, i guess i know what i want and i dont want to pushyfoot around (guess thats my age). They say older women know what they want.

Thanks for replying, i appreciate it
A/C

Hmm I don't suppose you can just break stuff to get him to come over. :-D

And, you're welcome!

Thats what I was thinkin'!!!

Well, I do that, but it's so my father will visit. :-D

But Dad doesn't charge me for fixing stuff. Well, I do pay him with dinner.

hi jespah and standupforpessimissm......

Yes, I thought about that already, hahahahah

Trust me, i plan on using that as a last resort.

You know, i would really like to have a new front deck though!!!!

Could i ask a silly question?

He always says how tired he is, how he is not getting much sleep.
Would it be too forward to say.....

"Well, my couch is pretty comfy, if you want to take a nap before you go to your next job."

I just say this because he is friends with our neigbors, he was over their chatting with my neigbors husband, and he took a short nap. Actually they both did, haha. Must have been a real interesting conversation, lol.

I will wait a couple of weeks and if i dont hear from him, i will have to plan my next move (with you guys help of course).

You guys are great. I feel so sillly, like a schoo girl with a crush.

thanks again
A/C

No offense, but I think you are reading a lot into what sounds to me like pretty normal informal business... What makes you think he's at all interested in you? Was he checking out your butt or something? Did he mention something about you while at the neighbors' house?

workaholic
Hi there!

My man and I became acquainted because I asked him to do some work for me. (Our businesses are located right next door to each other.) I also was in my 40's and he was in his 30's. The age difference is no big deal.

No doubt this man must get the outdoor roofing jobs done before winter hits, but he will have more time on his hands this winter.

Look around your house and determine what you need done and what you can afford. Maybe you can't afford expensive remodeling, but maybe you can afford to have your kitchen cupboards refaced, or maybe new kitchen counters installed, or maybe new flooring.

Call him up, tell him you know he's busy, but tell him that you're thinking about doing some modest remodeling in your kitchen (or bathroom, etc.) on a budget, and ask him to come over, give you suggestions, take measurements, and give you an estimate for work to be done when he can fit you in after his roofing jobs. If you can get the work done as you can afford it, you can probably get the man to make SEVERAL visits to your home.

You'll be able to tell if you click. You'll be able to tell if he's interested in you beyond doing work around your house. I know I could tell . . . and nature just seems to take its course.

wow, i'm not usually the type to be attracted to an online description of a country boy handy man whose not attached...but this guy sounds preety good.

(envisioning a sweaty, shirtless, nice body coming down off of my roof...sigh!)

a/c, you're young and you are both adults...i'd tackle him the next time you see 'em.

go for it yourself - and DON'T have your neighbour/friend tell him you're interested. That is a bit too Grade 7 - and if he's at all grown-up, it'll turn him off.

Call him. It doesn't look like chasing - hasn't since about 1971.

Hi all

princesspupule....the only indication i have they he may be interested is this. The evening him and his worker finished the roof, it was about 9:30pm. I asked them both if they would like to come in for a beer.
They both said they were tired and were going home to bed. The worker had his own vehicle, and then he left.

So it was just him and i, and he then said well, maybe i will come in for that beer.

yes, i could be reading too much into this., but that aint gonna stop me, hehe.

pam.....yes he did climb down from the roof all sweaty and shitless, how do you think i got into this , lol.

Will write more later, kids are coming home soon from school
bye for now
A/C

All sweaty and shitless, there is a nice description.


Contractors, etc., have various opportunities. It is part of this kind of business, if the fellow, or sometimes now, woman, is lively at all.

Personally, I, (fooler-arounder of years ago,) if I was serious, wouldn't be one more woman on his route.

I'd ask and listen to who he is, and let things be slowish.


I guess - since you don't know me from being on a2k - I should add that I am a woman in the construction/design field. My knowledge of some of this shall remain mysterious, but doesn't have to do with my own clients.

In fact this kind of thing can gum up a licensed contractor's (or would be serious fixit person's) business and should be avoided, practically speaking. So reticence may have many possible motivations.

I say go for it. Age is just a number, especially at his age and your age are not kid anymore, and it certainly not those easy come easy goes crush like how teenage kids are.
I say ask him for dinner next time he come and fix your stuff. Maybe ask for his cell phone, say that you would like to be friends with him.
Am saying this out of experience, I use to have a crush on this guys but now I don't see him anymore, I guess if I can turn back the hand of time, I would tell him, too bad time doesn't wait for anyone.
Ask for his cell, in fact invite him out for dinner if he has a free weekend, Sat or Sun. Ask him about his life, like what he enjoy and stuff, maybe get to know a little about his past.
ALL I CAN SAY, IS MAKE THE FIRST MOVE, SHOW THAT YOU INTERESTED, IT DOESN'T HURT. IF HE REJECT YOU, FIND ANOTHER GUY TO FIX YOUR HOUSE. Hehehe!! I really dunno what else to say, but hope it help.

hi all

Thanks for so many replys, I really appreciate it. This is a nice forum, you guys are really great.

td8181.....yes, i thought about him getting away without saying anything.
I do have his cell number and his home number. I asked him for his cell one day, but the home number he offered (hmmm). Ahhhh, only cause he didnt know whether his was heading home at the time or not.

Anyway, this weekend is the fall fair locally. There is going to be a Demolition Derby. I think today I will call him and ask him if he would like to go. Hope thats the right thing. I dont want to chase him if he is not interested in me, but i guess i will never know if i dont make the first move.

Thanks so much again everyone
A/C0810

Good luck, A/CO!

Seriously I thought he does like you, for a FACT he does have good impression on you.
Cuze if a guy doesn't like you, am sure he won't offer his home phone to you, in fact he won't even give his cell to you when you ask.
I know that for sure cause I used to like a guy in my college, we sit next to each other and for that whole time, he doesn't even ask for my name.
So am sure the guy you mention does like you, maybe not like madly in love but if you willing to work towards it, am sure it can come to an good conclusion.

Just ask him out to whereever when he free. It doesn't hurt to ask, cook him dinner once, invite him to eat, am sure he be touch, guys are touch when girls do stuff for them, make them flatter.

Hey, remember to update to us what happen ok

Hi everyone......well he hasnt returned my call, i called his cell early this morning, its now almost 4pm here. I know one time before when i called him , he just showed up later, lets hope that happens this time.

I'll keep you all posted, thanks for reading
A/C0810

It is OK, no worries, maybe he busy fixing someone esle's roof?
hehehe sorry, am not a native english speaker, thanks for bare to read my post
I just want to chit chat with you and help you with your situation.
I say give him some times, as you say, he a busy guy right?
today is friday, maybe he got extra call from someone and busy fixing their stuff right now.
keep us update

Being a jane of all trades myself, work doesn't stop at 4pm. No worries, keep it cool! Good luck!