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What not to do while divorcing

 
 
Germlat
 
Reply Wed 3 Aug, 2016 03:12 pm
Hi A2k friends....many may not remember me. It's been a while. I'm going through a divorce after 23 years of marriage. I'm wondering what advice you have as to what to do or not do. All help is appreciated, Thanks in advance.
 
maxdancona
 
  2  
Reply Wed 3 Aug, 2016 03:39 pm
@Germlat,
Sorry to hear that.

My best advice is to remember that divorce is all about dividing up the money (i.e. the hurt feelings don't matter). Deal with the feelings separately from the legal divorce process.
PUNKEY
 
  2  
Reply Wed 3 Aug, 2016 03:41 pm
Change your look.
Change your friends.
Change your outlook.
farmerman
 
  3  
Reply Wed 3 Aug, 2016 03:45 pm
@Germlat,
no matter what, make sure your kids are safe and not made pawns between your break up.

Also, try arbitration rather than litigation, I did w/ my first and it was relatively painless except when she tried to come back after I was blissfully happy with mrs F (who is waaaay smarter than me nd I love to be around people who are smarter than me cause Im lazy )
Germlat
 
  1  
Reply Wed 3 Aug, 2016 03:49 pm
@maxdancona,
Hiya max!
Yes...I have an attorney. It's difficult to remember it's not about the relationship anymore....I have to remind myself at least 4 times a day. Still... I fail at times. It's difficult to be in a house with your life partner of 24 years and realize he is your legal adversary...,we went on vacation and were sexually intimate 4 times the week before HE filed for divorce and notified me via e-mail. Still he cries and tells me he loves me...it's so confusing. .
0 Replies
 
Germlat
 
  1  
Reply Wed 3 Aug, 2016 03:52 pm
@farmerman,
farmerman wrote:

no matter what, make sure your kids are safe and not made pawns between your break up.

Also, try arbitration rather than litigation, I did w/ my first and it was relatively painless except when she tried to come back after I was blissfully happy with mrs F (who is waaaay smarter than me nd I love to be around people who are smarter than me cause Im lazy )


My only child is grown...I don't think either of us are interested in prolonging the process or being unfair to one another....but then I haven't seen a settlement quote yet. I'm still in shock. We were away vacationing 2 weeks ago and made love 4 times that week...then he sent me an e-mail notifying me he had filed...
0 Replies
 
Germlat
 
  2  
Reply Wed 3 Aug, 2016 03:59 pm
@PUNKEY,
PUNKEY wrote:

Change your look.
Change your friends.
Change your outlook.


I'm only here because of him. My wage dropped by 50% by following him here. There is nothing for me here. I plan to move out of state. I'm thankful for my friends...I have no close family and they have been supportive. Hey! I had highlights and lowlights done yesterday and I'm rocking my hair. I know I'll be moving. It's a frightening process. I'll have to start my life all over.
edgarblythe
 
  2  
Reply Wed 3 Aug, 2016 04:05 pm
It's good to move out of state. It is liberating to be free of the influence of people who make you sad or whatever. It is still possible to build your new life to suit yourself, at whatever age. Just do it and never look back.
roger
 
  2  
Reply Wed 3 Aug, 2016 04:09 pm
@Germlat,
I agree with Max. Another way to put it is don't make him mad just because it's satisfying. It will only escalate and make the process more difficult.
0 Replies
 
Germlat
 
  1  
Reply Wed 3 Aug, 2016 04:16 pm
@Germlat,
The crazy part of this is last night he was crying (I've only seen him cry over a death) telling me how much he loves me still and asking me if I could hold him. Really??? So he asked if he could come to bed with me and watch our traditional show before bed. My head was still spinning and I said yes. He held my hand, ask if he could kiss me...stayed in the bed. I was still in denial...his proceeding and on top of it wants my comfort while he's divorcing me. What is wrong with me? I thought he was reconsidering ....
0 Replies
 
Germlat
 
  1  
Reply Wed 3 Aug, 2016 04:18 pm
@edgarblythe,
edgarblythe wrote:

It's good to move out of state. It is liberating to be free of the influence of people who make you sad or whatever. It is still possible to build your new life to suit yourself, at whatever age. Just do it and never look back.


Yes...it's odd but--I'm excited and frightened at the same time.
0 Replies
 
 

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