Advice on meeting ex

Forums: Relationships, Advice, Relationship, Ex, Breakup
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Hi, I'm a 22 year old male who 2 months ago got dumped by my long term girlfriend (5 years). After going through various emotional states I've now reached a point where I want to start moving on with my life. However, before I do this I want one last meet up with her in order to clear the air (I never had he opportunity to speak during the breakup) and so I can apologise for the role I played in the breakup. I look back at the way I acted during the breakup and have huge regrets. I just want her to know I am truly sorry for this.

However, so far she has been fairly unresponsive to my texts asking to meet to chat. How should I go about convincing her to meet up with me?

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@Dcapus1993,

Don't.

It's a pipe dream.

You want to indulge a tell her off for good fantasy and/or a makeup as if nothing bad ever happened fantasy.

Delete her contact info and find something else to occupy your time and your mind. She's smart to not want to meet with you. Absolutely no good whatsoever will come from this. If you need to apologize, send an email and then delete her info.

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@Dcapus1993,

I agree with Jespah. Having come out of a fairly harsh breakup in the last couple of years, I know how easily we can lie to ourselves about our true motives for wanting to talk "one more time". Let it go. If you just must say something, do the email and delete her info like it was suggested above.

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@Dcapus1993,

Ditto Jespah's advice. It has been two months. Meeting up will do you no good and she probably has no desire to meet up with you, so what is the point?

Quote:

so I can apologise for the role I played in the breakup.

What does this even mean? I'm sorry that I wasn't what you were looking for in a relatinship? I'm sorry that I have this personality quirk that you can't handle and so you dumped me? I'm sorry I cheated on you? Regardless of your role, the only reason to apologize for your "role" is the hope that you can win her back. Her unresponsiveness to your texts should tell you that is wishful thinking, so drop it and go on with your life.

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@CoastalRat,

Yeah, but... easy, big fella. Sometimes breakups are hard.

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@Dcapus1993,

We are all in agreement.

There is nothing good that can come from meeting with her again. It won't help you in any way. It won't help her in any way.

Breakups always suck. Regret and hurt are normal. Take a little time to take care of yourself, learn what you can from it, and then drop it. It is part of life; even the feeling sorry about things you wish you hadn't said part.

It will get better, and if you learn from it you will be a better person in your next relationship.

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Thankyou for the advice. Guess closure is something you find in yourself.

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@CoastalRat,

Mainly due to to the fact that the major damage done to the relationship happened because I went to university. I started to distance myself from her, keeping my life separate, becoming emotionally withdrawn from her. No I never cheated but I still hurt her.

Subconsciously I'm probably thinking if I can clear the air/wipe the slate clean maybe over time she might start thinking about getting back with me.

But you're right, time to move on etc.

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@Dcapus1993,

Number one, it is way toooooo sooooon, be patient, and one day in passing you will see her, Say hello, ask her how she is doing and tell her you were sorry for being a jerk, and you wish the best for her. You can't do this now... it won't mean anything. She is still mad. Absence does something, and it is necessary. Be patient.

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@clueless7321,

I have always tried to apologize for my wrong doings, if that is your true motive I find that a great quality... But sometimes it takes years or months...

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@Dcapus1993,

asked- "How should I go about convincing her to meet up with me?"
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Offer to treat her to a round the world cruise or trip on the Orient Express or something.

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Send her a card - a real paper one that just says hello.

Say you are sorry about how things ended and hope that you can get together again soon for dinner.

If YOU let things just fade away and now have regrets, then make a gesture telling her that you ended things in an immature way.

But, really, she may feel that she got dumped. So be prepared that she might not respond. At least you made a try. That ought to make you sleep better.

(PS After spending so much time at such a young age with one person, perhaps you should get out there in the world and experience things a little more, you know - it's called maturing)

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@Dcapus1993,

Why do you want to meet her? There's no reason, text her what you want to say, send and move on. I know she'll read that. Forget her, make your days busy, find new girlfriend... You can even go online there are tinder, match, cleveland.partyline, so many... Read, go out, have fun!

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