If you have time, plz read this and lmk what i should do?

So Me and this girl, Let's call her J. Were in some kind of a relationship for about a year. It started last september. Basically our whole freshman year of college. So here's the story. In late august i noticed her hanging out with another kid that i had met so i went to go hang out with them to make friends. Then (as she puts it) “I kept giving her looks that gave away that i liked her”. Which i did. Then one night in like early september all of our friends (so like 10 ppl) came to my room for a movie night. She chose to sit on my bed to watch the movie and it was late (like 10ish) when we started the movie so we both ended up falling asleep together on my bed. I woke up at like 11:30 and the movie was going off and everyone was still in the room watching. When i put my arm around her and then she snuggled closer and next thing you know we were snuggling till the movie went off. I had a boner the entire time and i'm sure she felt it but she didn't say anything or move away. Then on my birthday (about a month after we snuggled) we had sex. In between that we had just made out and a bunch of foreplay.


Anyway that's how we met. So I really liked her from the beginning and when i told her that in october, she told me that she had just gotten out of a 4 year high school relationship and wasn't ready to get into another one. (I had not know of that) So when i asked her the “What are we question?” she said “I don't want to put a title on us”. I told her that, that wasn't fair because I wanted to be her boyfriend and that she treated me like one. In that i mean, we talked everyday, and she would be sad if i didn't text her or if I didn't see her all day. Literally everyday. Unless of course, when she was going out then she didn't need me. Anyway, she started to cry and begged me to just “keep doing what we were doing” and i told her no that i wanted a girlfriend. So she cried more and and asked to be friends so i told her “I don't want to, because i really like you and i want to be more than friends with you. Then i left and she blew up my phone. So the next day i went back up to her room and she said that i made her happy and that she just wanted me so then I gave in and told her nvm. And we kissed and made up.

So that whole previous thing would happen about once a month in school. So almost 6 times. Anyway, i found out later in the year, like March that she had hooked up with 3 other guys. All of them my friends. Not close friends but still, i hung out with them from time to time. She along with other ppl have told me that she was justified but idk, it still hurt. While all of this was happening she was obviously still talking to her ex. Which i didn’t have a problem with, until, winter break. When she got back to school, i read her text messages and they hooked up and fucked. So i was feeling really crazy but i didn't want to tell her because i didn't want to start anything and get in an argument, plus i felt like i was invading her privacy and i like to give people their freedom. A month later we had that conversation when we were drunk and denied it and lied to me. So i left it alone. Then we got into a bigger argument when one night my boi was drunk and mad at me and wrote me a letter stating all the guys she's been with, thinking that it would hurt me. She got pissed and now she hated him and my twin brother but that's a different story. So i said that i read her messages and she froze. Anyway, we got into a argument and i left her. Then she blew up my phone and was crying so when i went to go talk to her she was upset and “I told her that i loved her” and that's why I keep giving in and coming back. She said that she wanted to tell me that earlier but thought that i might be weirded out. So anyway now it's May and we got into another argument because she told me,While talking about her ex getting her a Michael Kors bag, (I started the conversation) that we weren’ in a relationship so she didn't expect me to buy her fancy gifts. I was just like “WTF” in my head. If we love each other and we have sex and we spend every ******* day together doesn't that mean we’re in a relationship.

Then started the “no wonder” she would always say “No wonder why i don’t want a relationship). During every argument that we had. Which was 2. Then one night, i had a party in my room and everything was going fine when my brother called her a “hoe”. Referring to not just her but another girl as well. He said “somebody get these hoe’s out the way.” I thought he was joking and so did everyone else except for J. She flipped her **** and started calling him out then got mad at me and said that i didn't defend her. She slapped me a trillion times and tried to kick me in my nuts. But I didn't hit her back. Anyway she blew up my phone again calling me a pussy, bitch, lowlife, just like the rest of them and other stuff. I wasn't answering because i knew she was drunk and couldn't mean it. Then came the sex pics. She sent me nudes of her and her ex *******. Like 100 and my brother had my phone cuz i was sleep. Then i woke up and went to go talk to her and she told me that she didn't want to talk to me anymore, after i had apologized a billion times to her and on social media. She blamed her flipping out and looking crazy on me. So then i cried a little bit in front of her and left so pissed that i punched the water fountain and dented it. My knuckles still hurt from that lol. But i left then she blew up my phone again, which i didn't understand. So i told her that, I'm done trying to please you. And that i'm done. So she called a billion times and told me that she would apologize if i came back. But i didn't for about 2hrs. Then when i came back she never apologized for slapping me and going crazy but instead acted like i was supposed to say something. Anyway we “Made up”, i guess basically i was still mad at her and she made up to me. School was ending in 12 days at this point but we still had sex on the last day. Which was a tuesday, then, that friday i went to her house and we went to a movie and had car sex. Then about two weeks later i came over again and he basically just had sex all day. And we went and got icecream.

After that is where i’m confused. She kept texting me and snapping me nudes and stuff. But she was always too busy for me. Even if i asked to see her in a month. She'd say “oh idk i might have work. This got me upset because i just wanted to see her. Then the facetime stopped, then the phone calls, then the nudes. But she still would snap me once a day. Then on June 27th she snapchatted me saying that “I've been thinking a lot these past couple of days and coming out of my highschool relationship, I really don't want a relationship right now” So obviously i protested and she told me that she “had to do this for her”. So i said fine, “although i don’t agree you're entitled to do whatever you want, goodbye” and then we got into an argument about being friends and i gave in AGAIN. And said fine.

It's been about 23 days since that conversation and here comes the problem. I think i’m over her, but i'm not completely sure. I still think about her everyday. ****, i'm writing this long ass essay on her. Im reading online to do the “No contact rule” and that some girls need to know that you're willing to lose them. Other places i'm hearing that i'm supposed to fight for who i love. Next thursday me and 10 other people, including her, are going on a trip and we rented a house and everything. When she got back together with her ex, he told her that he didn't want to have sex with her but she just knows how to influence him. What if that happens next week. What if she tries to have sex with me. I have ran the scenario a billion times in my head. Each response something different. One person told me to **** her but show no emotional connection and to still not text her afterwards. I feel like i should just say no. But the sex we had was good. But i want all of her or nothing. I just don't know what i'm supposed to do. It's not like a real break up where there's a reason. At least to me it's not. I still love her. But i don't know how much more pain i can take. Sorry for the length of this and i hope you can help.