Neverending Rap Battle

Erm .... can’t think of anythin’ to start this with
So I’ll just kick a loose style from my lips
So loose you’ll need resin to harden it
‘Til it stays in the same place and goes hard as dick
Nobody knows the rhymes I’m gonna kick ‘til I say ‘em
The way that I make ‘em sound slick when I spray ‘em
Smooth talk like I do to chicks ‘fore I lay ‘em
Many days have passed away, and yet I’m still sayin’
these verses like a sermon, call me a vicar or a preacher
Or better yet like a lesson, call me a principal or teacher
English is my subject which is why I’m good with words
Whoever would have thought that I would rhyme so good a verse
So divine just like church when you’re goin’ every Sunday?
So rejoice my good talent, man, my flow is like a fun day
When I blow ‘em out like candles and cut ‘em up like spongecakes
So sweet and enticin’ like a chocolate flavoured sundae
One day, I hope I make it there through my talent
Then someday, my flow will rake in cheers by the thousands
They’ll love me, the hoes will shed me tears by the ounces
And they won’t be cried in buckets or in pouches – far from it!
So I guess I’ll keep spittin’ as a straight hobby
From my home to the streets to the workplace lobby
I’ll keep castigatin’ these dumb ones who fob me
Keep on beratin’ these young guns who try me
Hip-hop is my passion and fashion
As opposed to a grunger who keeps smashin’ and trashin’
That’s just what happens – when music and poetry come together
And I don’t need to have ‘North Face’ sewn across my sweater
Or wear Lugz boots or smoke one or two joints
Or play basketball with Jordan just to score a few points
There’s only me and a lot of you boys
Whose objective in life is to hunt and destroy
Any ************ out there who decides to cause a fuss
Even though it’s not their fault, you just fight and rough ‘em up
Cut ‘em up and **** ‘em up and stick a dagger through their gut
‘Cause you love to stick the knife in and keep stabbin’ ‘til they’re cut
And they have to call an ambulance to dash and pick ‘em up
Paramedics breathe inside ‘em – even that isn’t enough
There’s nothin’ they can do to save ‘em, man, they’re runnin’ short of luck
And the thugs that got away with it, they just don’t give a ****
It’s time for action, let’s “Heal The World” like Michael Jackson
Make this world a better place for all Asian, white and black friends
Before these violent-ass men put more kids and guys in caskets
All ‘cause of this silent bastard’s violent actions
And I’m askin’, how did this ever escalate
From talkin’ about myself to gang violence in the inner state?
I’m just a common guy tryin’ to opinionate
There’s no reason why I shouldn’t set it straight
I’m Illustraight after all, and I just illustrate
Pictures that run around my mind like a dinner plate
Or a roundabout or cars drivin’ round an interstate
In circles, parallelograms, tri’s and other different shapes
How has this guy ever been so great?
How does things revolve around I? Wait a minute, mate!
Methinks people talk a lot in my presence
I find it ridiculous and snide, they can’t hint a take
Or take a hint, take a whiff of the gossip powder
Take a whiff more then they can talk **** for hours
But all I do is ignore it and doubt ‘em
Keep settlin’ scores ‘til I score about a thousand
Like hittin’ switches, playin’ a game of pinball
Hittin’ those bumpers in order to gain a big score
My mind ain’t electronic – I’m not a Gameboy
Methinks you’re playin’ games with this boy
I aim and deploy words until your brain is destroyed
Boy, quit playin’ ‘cause my brain ain’t a toy!
I must have spit about 68 bars
And that was the sixty-ninth one
I feel like spittin’ 68 more
Like a finger up the pussy or a Pantene shampoo, I penetrate more
Into your head ‘til your brain can’t digest no more
**** like this can’t get ever more raw
Raw to the floor, raw like Reservoir Dogs
Open you up like an Avensis 4-door
When I go hard, I stomp the floor like an elephant
You abstain from messin’ with me like you were celibate
Looks like you just spurned the hand of fellowship
So don’t expect me to mellow it
Because my temper is - uncontrollable, and as hot as a kettle gets
When you put water in it and switch it on
When I flip the switch, they know that it is on
You would know it when you see the power light flicker strong
This is just somebody, who picks some **** to gossip
I express these things so calmly you would think I was impassive
I’m not tryin’ to be a Sheikh, I don’t live in Abu Dhabi
It’s what I do – after all, this is just a hobby

I grab the microphone
Despite im white and prone
To sniper any rhymer who steps in the cypher zone
Yh i might just blow
Yh these lines are cold
Coz when im alone at night i play with my microphone

I'll steal that mic from ya, mechanically ill grab a rench
ill steal ur presents to, just call me the Grinch,
Im sick with my flow, Tic Tac Nic's the name, im not a playa
hata but your stepping in my game
I'm the boss like Randy Moss, even my dentists hates when I floss,
My rhymes are slick thats why they call me Slick Nick,
they can hitcha anywhere, chest or the dick,
that sounded sort of gay, but im not, but hey, dont judge a nigga when u see him
I leave you left in my dirt, callin me gay? Your the next Adam Lambert
The names Tic Tac Nic so dont forget the name.
I'm off.
Imma let Mic-Holder finish you off.

Tic tac nic
illiterate bitch
forgot the W in wrench.
take a glimpse at this pimp
he's the cream of the crop.
did i say pimp i meant shrimp,
believe it or not.
i flow like the seas,
you stay stagnant like algae on the back of a rock,
where the catfish dwell, in that little cove under the dock.

Look.
Really dog, I hope for you, this rap ****'s not a habit,
cause you're hopeless fool,
you really do sound like a faggot.
Why don't you do me a favor,
and quit using words you can't define like invigilator.
Unless you examine examination candidates to prevent them from cheating,
then swallow a bag of dicks you little faggot bitch, keep eating.
And if you had a chick strapped down,
said I don't have the cash now,
but i'll pay you later,
it proves that you're a just sorry excuse for a faker.

I can't believe this fool thinks that he's awesome,
I'm a heavy weight, look at the sweat he breaks when I'm startin' in on 'em.
Leave you in the dust of the wake, when the ground starts to shake,
earth is begging to quake, oops mother ****** did you make a mistake, i wonder how much more of this **** he can take.
now that I've called you out out of your cave,
we'll see if charlie got the force of a bear,
or the sense of a snake.
I doubt it, really he's a silly ass fake.
The truest sense of a waste,
I'd use your name in a line of my rhyme one last time,
but honestly I don't know how much more **** I can taste.

aright thnks mic what the hook thoug?

You couldn't have picked a better name.
random manDUMB,
cause the way you structured your lousy attempt at a hit,
was like a child throwing a tantrum.
Your flows are whack, I hope you were serious
when you said that pile of **** was your second rap....As in ever.
Are you feelin the pressure?
You're a turtle on a half shell, consider me shredder.
My flow is when better, aged longer than sharp chedder,
I'm over you like prosciutto, you just bruschetta.

Illustraight.
Does that stand for the illusion your straight?
You're delusional, like Oprah's hope to lose weight.
Get off the sofa bro and get you some steak,
what are you gettin sick, how much more beef can you take?
I know you won't be pleased when you read what I say, but
I didn't have to ask for it, your bitch was givin it away.
Now, now, don't take it personal, first of all:
I didn't hit it, cause I'm straight, and she was a he.

Ive got the universe Engaged for ages when i spit the multis
Kids or oldies can listen for days, whilst i keep persisting slowly
I consist of only lyrics spit from my soul and spirit
Exploding all over the show best hope you dont come over near it
Your careers are over finished, mines still loading the beginning
Im hoping the woman will notice my spitting rather than my hopeless singing

Mic-holder,
your whack bars are kosher,
they're like light beer filling me up but keeping me sober.
I'll admit it, a couple of your lines had me impressed,
I realized there for a minute they had me nodding my head,
for real, they put me to sleep quick dozing to bed.
Poser, loaner, no boner, F+ on his homework.
You lack the three things that decipher the great from the whack,
composure, exposure, but most of all FACTS ON YOUR TRACKS.

more like enshrouded in rage with a venomous pain from your **** multis,
you're good at being a fake and getting beat to ****, Mick Foley.
You get bread, but your dough's moldy.
You an old phony.

Shittalker extraordinaire.
If you're a father I'll touch your daughter as long as her bush could grow hair.
Intelligent wit sharp as the tip of a bic razor,
mince you like ginsu if you're a liar and a faker,
a police informant or a hater,
please do me a favor and get you some seasoning and extra flavor.

... Don’t give me that cobblers! Only I can say I’m straight
Nobody said you hit the “he”; I just think you’re gay
I’ve skimmed through your verse
Your ****’s too absurd
It’s not that I’m pleased; it’s the crappiest **** I have heard
“****-talker”, the man who lives up to his name
Give up the game, shameless; your **** is so lame
that even the crutch you use as a support would laugh at you
Shitty man, I feel bad for you
But I admire you for steppin’ up to me
But you might as well step back down ‘cos you can’t **** with me
Go on, walk right back down those steps
And don’t come back up again, you down-low pleb!

To both mic-holder and charliesforce: Who's up for destroying this "****-talker"? All those in favour, say aye!

[Verse]
Well, it’s the I-double-L-U, givin’ it to you straight
Never spittin’ too early, too little or too late
This little dude Illustraight nibblin’ off a bigger plate
Methinks Illu is gettin’ phat, puttin’ on a little weight
Let me introduce myself to you little ‘uns in a different way
A devout child that’s gifted, primarily of Christian faith
And I’m takin’ things to a higher level, on a bigger scale
I’m explainin’, resolvin’, theorisin’ experimental-lay
Like a scientist, a professor or someone who studys physics, space
And the time continuum, quantum things, celestial plates
Spreadin’ like wildfire, skyrockets straight up into space
‘Cause my talent reaches forth and spans across the Milky Way
Right to where the Sun shines at its hottest
And back around the Solar System where my Earth and Mars is
Venus and Mercury, a hundred thousand light years to my knowledge
I’m so high, that outer space may very well be my quarters
I’m a ...

Spaceman
I always wanted you to go into space, man
Intergalactic Christ

I, cruise across the galaxy like Battlestar Galactica
You speed around like Tron while my battleships come after ya
Cruise across the Final Frontier and back home
‘Cause I boldly go, where no other rapper’s gone before
Like Picard and Riker when they travel into hyperspace
Warp 10, engage! The captain has no time to wait!
Let’s go, into, another dimension
And explore the world beyond and lay the smack down on some Klingons
Or Cardassians/Kardashians – no, I’m not talkin’ about Kim’s ass
My crew is thick like they’re forbidden to take Slim Fast
Muscled up, toughened up, they just went through gym class
Droppin’ motherfuckers like a sailor ship that sinks fast
They’re small fish in my pond, I’m the Great White Shark that swims past
Feedin’ on emcee’s like a Monster Munch six-pack
Or ten packs of nacho dips or Golden Wonder Nik Naks
I blow a bitch away like somebody who’s got wind gas
Let the wind pass, and the weatherman says there’ll be typhoons
You’re gonna die soon, ‘cause you tried to **** with a tycoon
I’m the czar of hip-hop, kinda like Russians
I drop a MiG bomb on your ass – no discussion!

Aye!

Yo yo
This pricks so nerdy, he makes the kkk look black
I heard you was the snitch when Biggie smalls cooked Pac
But now your lips are sealed, I bet you wish you could rap
You should have known what i meant when i asked for a good chat

This faggits gone red, i think he needs a breather
No not a breeder, he already looks like a japanese akita
I react like a cheater but you been passing round the reefer
**** this im done with you. and you done with rap
So now get your ass back to the hut and serve some pizza

lool i kind of violated you considering i beat you with a 2 minute rap i maade lol

**** talker, more like a man stalker
You nerd, correcting my grammer bitch who gives a damn
I'm so hot you could catch a tan off me
You punk ass nigga better flee because I'm from the 313
Put the beating on you, Tic Tac Nic would never break a sweat off you
Lyrically you never beat me in this game
Make sure you remember my name, I'm a animal you could never tame
Beastly, I grab the mic and hold it tight, the way this battle starts, theres going to be a fight
If your gonna check my grammer bitch do it right
Get at me boi, my rhymes are gonna take flight
Im done with the man, hes wasting my time
Espesially that he made that rap just to rhyme!

Listen.
I don't come with the writtens.
This **** is freestyled off the top, non scripted.
I write as think, no backspace.
You biters are weak, no track plays.
Yes, yes I'm sure, white kids stuck in a black faze.
I'm not kiddin, these rhymes lacking conviction
would be a crime, and I'm never imprisoned.
But I got bars that are thick and,
I topple you bitches off the top like I ripped off your kickstand.
Hurry better think quick man.
I think it's funny it takes four emcees to try and bury one kid,
Damn.

(I don't expect you to understand how amazing this is)

wow stupid bitch grab a thesaurus
cause reading your raps is the meaning of whack,
your ****'s extra boring.
I be touring, around the definition of great, and I can tell that you fake,
cause the **** that you make is laying to waste.
You like a hyena, eating my scraps, I'm the lion,
spittin fire hotter than a heater,
plus highest recorded temperatures of the Serengeti
couldn't begin to be a simple recreation of me.
You just an entity, I'm the symphony, sick's what I was meant to be,
peace vaminos bitch you just history.