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~I Trusted You~ Read & Rate My Rap, Please. Thanks. ❤

 
 
Reply Mon 7 Jul, 2014 06:43 pm
Hey. Please leave your comments/suggestions. I'd like to read your feedback. If you don't mind, can you tell me what you think it's about? Okay, here goes:


~I Trusted You~

My hearts breaking
While your just standing there
I knew you were faking
But it isn't fair

I gave you my all
I trusted you
And you just let me fall
How could you?

I thought it was love
But it was really a game
Now I'm going to rise above
And you're the one that's gonna be a shame

You're gonna feel like I did
And I'm not gonna care
You joked like a little kid
But now I'll do my share

One day you're gonna come back
But I'm gonna keep moving
Because you threw me away like an old knick knack
Now I'm gonna be the only one improving

Your gonna be on your knees
And I still won't be kind
A simple please
Won't change my mind.
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Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 2,684 • Replies: 2
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Procrustes
 
  1  
Reply Tue 8 Jul, 2014 09:10 am
@ShyanneRae,
I just tried to rap this to a slow beat and in some bits it's still wordy (After "but it was really a game"). Some syllables feel rushed. In saying that, I get the intention of your songwriting. What helps me is to use a template beat and figure out the structure of syllables and keeping the important points of the song making sure they have some punch or are emphasized. Also, creating a flow that suits you is important.

Hope this helps.
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bobsal u1553115
 
  1  
Reply Tue 8 Jul, 2014 11:46 am
There's nothing like fine lyrics.
0 Replies
 
 

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