In a serious relationship but having doubt

I KNOW ITS LONG BUT PLEASE READ AND TRY TO HELP /: I've been in a relationship for over 2.5 years, he's a gentleman and amazing, I lost my virginity to him and am with him just about every day.

The past 3-4 months have been different though. Hes still perfect in every way and nothings changed with him, but I've felt almost a feeling of doubt. Or unhappiness. And i love him so much but I feel like I don't really love him in the same way anymore. It's happened twice before in the past several months that I tell him I feel unsure and i would take a few days but we'd get back together in no time. But the last time when I was taking space I hate to say it but I felt a sense of numbness, not exactly happiness or release, but not depressed or upset that we were ending.

Sometimes I feel as if he is controlling, and my close family has told me before he's a bit controlling. And i see it. I feel as if I have to be somewhat of a different person to please him in the sense that I can't smoke marijuana and i cant say certain things or be angry at all even if he's angry at me if I say anything about me being mad or act on me being mad then he's get even more pissed at me and will make me feel as if I shouldnt be speaking my emotions out loud because no matter what I'll always apologize and it's gotten to the point where part of me doesn't care about speaking out anymore because I know it will just end with him being mad and me feeling bad for saying anything and saying sorry for upsetting him. I haven't really been sexually attracted to him for awhile either.

But he's literally like my best friend I only have a few friends at work and I just hungout with one of them the first time sunday. He really is my everything and I am so comfortable around him literally I talk to him about everything he's always been there and I've always been there for him. It's about relationship but also a best friend relationship.

We were briefly okay right after we got back together the past two times I felt unsure. But then it fade back to how I feel now. But part of me loves him so much because he is an amazing person and takes me out and will give me affection and do everything for me, but part of me feels as if I'm not happy and I don't want to be with him anymore. And what makes it worse is I feel so terribly bad for feeling this way because I have caused him so much pain and depression and i feel as if I can't leave him because I just can't hurt him. I don't want to hurt him because it breaks my heart seeing him upset.

But what makes it worse is the past few months maybe 2 or 3 I started having a crush on a coworker, and I've read online that it's kinda normal for people to develop crushes and it will pass but the thing is the crush has only gotten stronger to the point where I think about him alot and literally have had dreams about him almost every night whether being with him, breaking up with my bf to be with him, or just not having a bf and ended up dating him. I just don't know whether I've ever felt likethis with my bf because it's been so long that I've felt so butterflies aND i dont think I've ever dreamt about someone so much in my entire history of dating. and I feel so terrible because I just wish I didn't have a crush on him because it's so wrong and unloyal in a sense and I wish I didnt but it's like I cant get over him. He likes me as well but he's single but he's never tried making a move or getting my number because he knows I'm in a relationship we've just talked, and he complimented me once recently within the past week. But he does like me, and i like him too, everyone of my coworkers/friends see it as well as some of his friends/coworkers.

I just feel terrible saying this but I don't know what I want because one moment I'll be so happy with my boyfriend that I'll think I want to spend the rest of my life with him but other times I think that I'm unhappy with him and need to move on because we're both so early in college and I want to be happy and find that other person I'll be unconditionally in love with and idk what to do and I've been so confused lately and Its so hard breaking up with him and I feel like crying thinking about it but at the same time part of me feels like I need to. I just can't imagine being without him I've spent so long with him and he's such an amazing person and I can't hurt him idk what to do.

I just need some advice or stories of people that have dealt with similar experiences. Help tell me what's happening/: my first serious relationship starting junior year of highshiol.