I am 18 and he's 45

You are 18 - Ever see a 45 year old man naked?

Yup, he looks like your dad.

RUN the other way. Change gyms and find a nice 20 year old stud.

Your answer made me laugh, it's true.. But I mean should I see him tomorrow or clear things up through messages?

I agree with Punkey, but no, you should not seek him out for any reason.

I would advise to delete him and to miss that meeting.

Just ignore him with no explanation? I'm about to send him and end things, all those comments helped me I must say.. But I feel I owe him an explanation since I continued talking to him and gave him hope..

He is not worthy of your time, to be cheating on his family like that.

You owe him nothing.

Just tell him that he reminds you of your dad and walk away.

Alright guys thank you, your comments were useful.. I already knew those things but it's different when you hear it from someone else. I hadn't spoken to anyone about it since it's totally unacceptable and I knew the reactions.. I sent him what I had to, he will probably see it tomorrow. I feel such a relief in my head..!

That's okay. No need to have him hanging around waiting for a meet up. I agree you owe him nothing, but maybe it's better than having him standing around waiting and expecting an explanation later.

Delete/block/move on.

I wonder if you appreciate how very inappropriate he is acting: coming on and trying to seduce a young girl old enough to be his daughter.
You say he is good looking and fit. He knows this and uses it as his way to flirt. It's how he gets attention.

Being around a pretty young thing boosts his morale and feeds his ego. You would be his thing on the side and waste your time - because he would never give up his wife and family for you.

There are certain men that you need to learn to apply your brakes: little boys, priests, and married men. (I'd add smokers to that, too)

Make good choices in men.

Gamblers, Scientologists, Brexit supporters (UK only), people who don't like cats.

BMW drivers too. They are self centered liberteens.

Don't believe farmer Annie. He just gets his ideas from the movieS. They always have the assholes driving bimmers.

But for dating advice, even though you took the right action (I think) use this experience to figure out Why you were attracted to this guy. And don't settle for the bullshit answer that you have daddy issues.

What's with the anti-age thing? I have dated 45 year-olds. Their naked bodies are just fine.

There are advantages to dating a much older man.

- He will be financially secure (20 year olds are often broke and irresponsible)
- He will likely wine and dine you (20 year olds are often cheap, and have no sense of class).
- He will be experienced in bed (20 year olds are inexperienced and clumsy).

There are special hurts to dating someone with a wife. I agree that unless you are getting something from the relationship that no one else can give you, then stay away from married men.

It is my belief that any consensual adult relationship that benefits both people is a good relationship. If you find a 45 year old man who can give you what you want or need, and you understand the relationship that you are getting into... then go for it. If something makes both of you happy... why not?

There seems to be a lot of prejudice here against middle aged men. I don't believe it is warranted..... and if you choose to have a sexual relationship with a middle aged man because for whatever reason it makes you happy, then everyone else should just shut up.

What could a married cheater give someone that nobody else could give? Not emotionally. Not time or attention. Not physically. Not financially.


I suppose sex is good for the cardiovascular system.... I can't imagine anything else mutually beneficial in such a tainted/skewed relationship.

Open your mind , DrewDad. Not every good relationship follows your traditional script of what is acceptable.

First of all, my basic premise is this: "Any adult consensual relationship that makes both people happy is a good relationship." I am curious if you accept this premise. Once you allow social norms to dictate what is a good relationship beyond that, you lose something.

You will notice that I didn't argue very strongly for marital infidelity, however I have no problem going there. If a married "cheater" (your term) makes both herself and her lover happy, I would say by definition that this is a good relationship. You will rightly point out that this could hurt other people (the spouse or children)... but this is a matter of definition. To me a good relationship involves the people intimately involved (and no one else).



I will play along your hypothetical. If I, as a single man, finds a married lover with whom I have fantastic sex like I have with no one else... that might be something I can't find with anyone else. Or maybe I want a sexual relationship with with a Congresswoman (of whom I believe most are married), that would be another example of something that a "married cheater" could give me that no one else could.

I would have to weigh any benefits with the difficulties in a such a relationship where another spouse is involved. That is why I generally keep away from such things. But it doesn't mean that it couldn't be a good relationship.

People enter relationships for all sorts of reasons.



I don't know what "tainted/skewed" means. These words say more about your prejudice that about whether other people's relationships are good or not.

There are many people who have had great, meaningful relationships that made them happy with much older people. I believe that Dan Savage talks about his first boyfriend who was significantly older than him, I will have to find the transcript. Just because these relationship don't meet your ideals for what a relationship should look like doesn't mean that they aren't good, meaningful, relationships.

If two adults are happy in a consensual sexual relationship, who are you to judge?

I tend to see all sides on this, depending on the details, including depending on the vows/promises, depending on the cultures and religions people hold dear. A blunt surprise to the spouse and children can be life wrecking, or just a non surprise assumption that some people do this.

In the poster's case, there is an obvious power imbalance, and I think she is well out of it for at least that reason. The guy is fishing at the gym.

Probably true, but a walk and talking wouldn't hurt anyone unless you feel you are incapable of controlling your biological urges while finding out what your attraction is about. If it's just sexual then just set your priorities and make your choice.

I'm 68 and have married and single female friends in their 30s. Not sleeping with them but OTOH, they haven't asked me to :-)