I am 18 and he's 45

I wasn't arguing that the OP should sleep with this guy. It sounds like she made up her mind that she shouldn't even before she wrote the post, with good reason, and wanted to get confirmation. Based I on what I read here, I suspect that people telling her to run are probably correct. I would never say that as a rule 18 year olds should find a 45 year old to sleep with (although would anyone here, old enough to know this, say that sex at 20 is better than sex in your 40s?)

I was arguing against was the blanket statements. That's all. I stand by my point that any relationship between consenting adults that makes both partners happy is a good relationship.

Osso... why are you now "temp"?

I don't know our poster's knowledge of the world, but I'll hold to my present opinion re being wary re her handling it.

I remember being seventeen and having a crush on a guy that was 34 or so, on my father's crew. I'm sure he knew, I was probably saucer-eyed. He was nice to me, the ultimate dumb 17 year old, as described before on a2k, but didn't flirt. Sometimes we talked about the country we were driving through. Plus, he would go out at night to clubs, whatever. I wasn't in his sights. Not to mention my father was around for the whole film trip. But, I still remember him a zillion years later; I was very interested, if quiet.

Years later, I figure he might have been gay, but I don't know that either. That would have been pretty feisty re clubbing in the late 50's, (or maybe not, but in Nebraska?).

Our poster may not be anywhere as much of a relationship dummy as I was, but I still see power imbalance at this point. Early twenties, I would but quite so sure of my take from afar.

Is a power-imbalance always a problem in a consensual relationship between adults?

This is a broad question, and I am not actually sure where I fall on this question in real life, but for now I am going to argue that it is not as long as both people understand the relationship and both people are benefiting from it.

I dated a woman who as a high powered researcher. She had a fair amount of fame, had been interviewed on national media and made at about 5 times as much as I made. This relationship didn't last, but it could of... I don't think that her high-powered position means that we couldn't have made it work.

(Again, I am arguing the point. I am not arguing that the OP should date this particular guy.).

No, I don't think it always is. Depends, probably in a variety of ways, re the level of insistence by one person or another. No argument re your paragraph 2.
In my marriage relationship, a longish one, all that stuff was resolved early.

My main beef here, if it is beef and not pork, is that 18, at least in my experience of myself and others, can be a tricky time.

meantime, I seem to recall some famous May and Decembers. Too bad I don't remember the couples.

go for 18 year old ones. Live your life, you don't want to get in a serious relation ship outright.

Your post isn't clear Luke. Is your advice directed to the 18 year old, or the 45 year old (or both)?

No, I don't. There are more people to be considered than just the two folks carrying on an affair.

When I sit down to a nice rare filet mignon and a glass of Merlot, I am going to say that that is a great dinner. It is a great dinner because it is a perfect piece of meat, cooked to perfection and paired with a great wine.

When I say this is a great dinner... I am only talking about the quality of the experience and the flavor of the food. That is what makes it a great dinner. When I am eating it the plight of cows doesn't matter at all to the experience. How the cook is treated doesn't matter, the farmers don't matter... none of these things influence my enjoyment of the food, drink and company I am with.

Now, there are many people who will point out that beef is bad for the environment and irresponsible because it takes so much energy and water to produce compared to other food (not to mention the fact that an animal gave his life). It may also be that the cooks and the waitstaff are being mistreated, or that the money I am using for the dinner would be better used doing something more worthwhile.

The fact that there may be valid reasons to not do something enjoyable doesn't take away from the fact that they are enjoyable. Any of these reasons may cause me to choose not to enjoy such a fine meal...

but it doesn't change the fact that a perfectly prepared rare filet mignon is a great piece of meat.

Know what you mean but had to lmao about the 'piece of meat' part.
And you only got one thumbs down for it so far!

That is a really bad analogy; not least because it makes you look like a completely selfish asshole.


Christ, what an asshole.



I get that people cheat. I just don't find the people who are doing the cheating to be very nice people. I prefer to spend my time with people who respect themselves and others.

I will ignore the vulgar personal attack from a person who "prefers to spend [his] time with people who respect themselves and others" (although the irony made me chuckle).

I think my point is valid. If you are going to sit down to enjoy a nice dinner that includes a well-prepared steak, is it really a bad thing that you aren't at that moment, worrying about where the steak came from?

I wonder if DrewDad is a vegetarian?

Not sure why that would make a difference.

You're saying that your own pleasure overrides any concerns about how your actions might affect others. Not sure how else to characterize that, other than being an asshole.

You're an apex predator walking among sheep, right? The only commandment that matters is the 11th?

Can you stop the name calling DrewDad?

I am not saying that at all. I have never said that my own pleasure overrides any concerns about how my actions might affect others. As a matter of fact, I said the opposite of this if you care to read what I actually wrote.

It isn't possible to have a rational discussion with if you keep flying off the handle with your straw man.

This is a public forum where people with diverse points of view can exchange ideas. If you are just here to call anyone who disagrees with you an "asshole" for something that he didn't even say, then what is the point?

Did he really compare someone's 18 year-old daughter to a piece of meat?

Yup. And the cheater's wife to a cow, if I'm not mistaken.

Very nice EhBeth, piling on to DrewDad's abusive posts without cussing me out yourself. Well done.

But your straw man is a little backwards. In this thread I am arguing that the OP, a young woman, has the right to choose for herself which relationships are enjoyable for her outside of societal expectation. These posts are addressed to the young woman. I made the point that "every relationship between consenting adults is a good relationship if it makes both people happy".

So in your strawman attack, this young woman is the diner at the restaurant. She is the one who has the ability to choose whether she wants the steak or not (and we all agreed that in this case she should pass). The piece of meat is the 45 year old man (I wonder if EhBeth is as upset that I referred to someone's son as a "piece of meat").

But there is an interesting discussion here whether the basic point about relationships between consenting adults is valid. DrewDad brings up the issue about marital fidelity... which may have some merit but needs to be weighed against social expectations. But we can't have a reasonable discussion if he insists on cusses and strawmen.

I assert that this young woman has the right to choose to be in whatever relationship makes her happy, as long as it is a consensual relationships between adults.

I suggest that you go read up on what constitutes a strawman logical fallacy.

You cussing me out for an argument I didn't make meets my definition of a straw man.

Not really, but it was impossible to avoid making that connection.
I would have used the example of driving a fine car, but that too could be construed as demeaning if one wanted to.