4
   

Is he starting to forgive me?

 
 
JAM1989
 
Reply Fri 8 Jul, 2016 02:48 pm
Long story short...I met a guy last July. We became FWB in November. He works at a bingo hall and I play there once a week with my parents. I told him back in April that I'm in love with him. He didn't take it well. He got mad, said some things - then I said some things. Neither one of us has apologized or have even talked about it. And that's mainly because he only talks to me when he has to and up until about 2 weeks ago, he wouldn't look me in the eye. If he had to look at me, he looked like he was furious. But about 2 weeks ago, he started looking at me in the eye again (which he did a lot before I told him my big news) but he still looks mad. He still doesn't talk to me unless he has to but now he's giving me free items. I know he has to be paying for them with his own money. He won't tell me why he's giving them to me - all he'll say is that they're free - and I know they're not. Is it safe to say he may finally be starting to forgive me? I'm not sure why he's so mad that I'm in love with him. He was divorced in May of 2015 after being married for several years. It didn't end well, and I knew he wasn't ready for a romantic relationship when I first met him but I thought he'd be ready almost a year later. I guess I was wrong. So my main questions are, if he's looking me in the eye again after not doing so for a couple of months, even though he still looks mad and he's starting to give me things for free, and I know he's paying for them - is he starting to forgive me? I want to write him a letter since I don't think he wants to talk yet. Would that be a good idea? I want to apologize and tell him I miss our friendship. I don't know what to do. It's like neither of us have wanted to make the first move. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
 
ehBeth
 
  3  
Reply Fri 8 Jul, 2016 02:57 pm
@JAM1989,
JAM1989 wrote:
We became FWB in November.

I want to write him a letter since I don't think he wants to talk yet. Would that be a good idea? I want to apologize and tell him I miss our friendship. I don't know what to do. It's like neither of us have wanted to make the first move. Any suggestions would be appreciated.


leave him alone

he wanted someone to have sex with and you stepped over the line by telling him you'd fallen in love

he's not looking for a relationship with you

he wanted a fuckbuddy

if that's not who you want to be, find someone who is looking for a relationship
0 Replies
 
FOUND SOUL
 
  1  
Reply Fri 8 Jul, 2016 02:58 pm
@JAM1989,
Fwb. To me the fact that you acknowledge that means that was discussed. You state you thought after one year of divorce he should be ready so you went in knowing that it was fwb but in your mind believed it would change. Sleeping with someone can and usually always ends with emotions. One falls for the other. He got mad? That's not a mature reaction. He has ignored you. Move on you are worth something aren't you?
ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Fri 8 Jul, 2016 03:09 pm
@FOUND SOUL,
FOUND SOUL wrote:
He got mad? That's not a mature reaction.


I disagree. He went into this with one expectation and the poster changed the game on him. I think it's really unfair of her to expect more from him.

I know in my FWB days, I'd have (and did) end things with people who tried to move to a relationship. That wasn't what I wanted at the time.
JAM1989
 
  0  
Reply Fri 8 Jul, 2016 05:23 pm
At this point, I'd honestly just be happy to be friends with no benefits. My main reason for the original post was to find out if anyone could tell by the information I provided, if it seemed like he was starting to forgive me. I don't really know exactly what he's mad at. There were a lot of things said the night I told him I loved him. None of it was good. He told me he was having a lot of issues - and that none of them were about me - but that he planned on moving out of state. That's when I panicked and told him I loved him. I was hoping that would make him think twice about moving. He's still in town - so maybe that's a good sign. I'm not 100% certain that my telling him I loved him is what he's mad at. That could be part of it but I also said it with a negative tone in my voice because I was upset. After I told him I loved him, he said he didn't want me causing him any drama. I told him he was obviously just a player and that he had won the game. He asked me to explain but I didn't. I just ended the conversation and we haven't spoken since. I feel like he likes me more than he lets on. If he doesn't love me, why didn't he just say so? His only response was to tell me he didn't want me causing any drama. I actually thought he loved me also. Some friends have told me that he's going out of his way to act mad when he's around me. They say that's a sign that he might like me more than he's letting on. They say people don't put in such an effort to be mad at people they don't have feelings for - especially not for 2.5 months. I've read that online also. Plus I'm wondering if he's partly mad because I haven't apologized. I've just been going on with my life like nothing happened. I have decided to write him that letter. I'll tell him I'm sorry. Tell him I'm sorry it took so long to apologize. Tell him I miss his friendship. Tell him I'm willing to just be friends only. I'll see where I stand if and when he responds. At least this way, I'll feel like I tried to make amends - even if it took me forever to do so. This way, I'll feel like there's closure. I don't feel like there has been any yet. It feels like we're both waiting for the other to say or do something.
Real Music
 
  0  
Reply Fri 8 Jul, 2016 05:36 pm
@JAM1989,
Quote:
He got mad, said some things - then I said some things


What things did you say to each other?

Exactly what you said to each other may prove to be important in order to get the whole picture.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Fri 8 Jul, 2016 08:00 pm
@JAM1989,
JAM1989 wrote:

I don't really know exactly what he's mad at.


After I told him I loved him, he said he didn't want me causing him any drama.


His only response was to tell me he didn't want me causing any drama. I actually thought he loved me also.



how can you not understand why he was mad

he was in a FWB set-up and you messed that up

leave the poor guy alone already

forget about writing a letter - it won't make anyone feel better
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  4  
Reply Fri 8 Jul, 2016 08:02 pm
@JAM1989,
JAM1989 wrote:
This way, I'll feel like there's closure. I don't feel like there has been any yet.


whoever came up with the crazy closure idea needs to be whacked

people just end up more pissed off when others try to ''find closure'' with them
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Sat 9 Jul, 2016 08:30 am
What's with all this "love" stuff.??

Geez, the guy just wanted a romp in the hay after being divorced for a year. You jumped right into an intense relationship. Guys don't verbalize "love" things so fast.

He's not angry - he's pushing you away. Too much, too soon. So he pushed the entire thing away.

Now time has passed , perhaps he processed the situation, and he at least can talk to you.

If you want this guy, then start acting a little less pushy. Accept the "gifts" and smile. Maybe he wants to start over with you - on HIS timetable.

What are your ages BTW?

0 Replies
 
FOUND SOUL
 
  2  
Reply Sat 9 Jul, 2016 03:11 pm
@ehBeth,
Nope. It's obvious she knew it was a friends with benefits situation and she from get go expected it to change i get that. Not what she went in for. But what is with people. He got mad. Now months later giving her gifts again . Why could he have not been mature enough to say . "Fwb" end of story you knew that and know that" Instead of ignorance and prior to that trying to get out of it by suggesting he was going to go away. It's not you it's me... My point is be mature, speak not hide behind silence and ignore. And to the op. Maybe he is giving you free gifts to get layed again. Maybe you should get out instead of playing bingo with your Mother. You are settling and for someone who just wants sex from you but too blind to see it
0 Replies
 
 

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