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Mon 4 Jul, 2016 11:21 pm
First of all sorry for my English and my poor grammar, this is my second language.
About three weeks ago my boyfriend broke up with me, we were together for almost two years and had a lot of ups and downs (I’m 20 and he is 22). He told me he needed to find himself since he thought he hasn’t changed in this two years, he also wanted to work on himself and start a business of his own. Before the break up, we were good together (he broke up with me on a Sunday it was June 12) on Saturday we saw a movie and went to eat everything was fine; we had a lot of fun. When he broke up with me I didn’t begged but I have tried to convince him that we can work things out together and we didn’t need to split up. He told me he was really straight with his decision and told me he would love to have met me in 5 years when he was more mature and settled down and he says he will never find someone like me, that he would love to marry me, and that he is really sorry for hurting me. He also said that he loved being with me but it wasn’t the right time. I felt horrible because he broke my heart; being serious, I’ve never felt like this before (and I have had other boyfriends) but respected his decision.
One week later (Saturday 18 June) I wrote him a letter to see if a week may have calm his thoughts or he regretted his decision. We saw each other and talked about it for hours, but he still told me he wasn’t going to change his mind, and told me that he didn’t want us to stop talking or seeing each other because he misses me, but he cant be in a relationship right now. I was confused and asked him if it was because he wanted to be with other girls and he said he didn’t want that, that he would never ever do that to me and I really trust him because I know him and his past I live in a small city so we know each other pretty well, he also told me he wasn’t going to change his facebook picture or whatsapp picture that are with me (here in my country it’s a big deal, I know it sounds really stupid) his reason was because he doesn’t care if people know that he is single and he wants me to know its not about girls. Another week went by, it was difficult for me not to talk to him or even think about him over the week because I didn’t want to break up and because I really love him, but I did my best and did things for myself, like do sport or study more, go out with my friends, etc. That Sunday (June 26) he talked to me (via text) and asked me how was I, we started talking until I realized that it was hurting me, because I knew he wasn’t going to get back with me, so I went to his house and talked to him in person, I told him It wasn’t okay to talk because it really hurt me and I didn’t deserve this even though it was so difficult for me to say that.
Once again I tried to open his eyes and make him see that there was no point in breaking up, but he again tried to explain to me that he didn’t have time for me or to make me happy since he is finishing college (last semester) and working (btw for the last months we were only seeing each other for like two times a week, because of his college work [thesis]. So he just hanged out with me and he didn’t really had time for his friends, like I was the priority) okay so, he again said he was sure he would never find someone like me and I thought he was saying that so he wouldn’t hurt me, but I talked to his sister about it and she agrees with him, and so does his mom, so there’s that that gives me some hope. When we finished talking I was crying my eyes out and we ended the conversation in a really dramatic way, I was crying and he felt so bad because he said he felt crazy that he was doing this to me, knowing I didn’t deserve it, but he needed to do it for himself, bottom line we kissed for the last time and I went home completely heart broken.
I felt like crapp and he texted me again with a paragraph that said I was the best, the nicest blah blah and that I had grown a lot in this two years, that he was proud of me and to please understand him. That he was sorry he was hurting me that much but he needed to do this and that if love is real between us it eventually will come around. I replied short but mature saying I will try to understand him and that I had a great year too. Then he told me he was hoping we could see each other but maybe it wasn’t the right time for me, so I said to him that it was okay, that I wanted that too but to please give me time. Then he said I love you and well I said I love you back. Since that day (Monday 28 June) a week has gone by and I’m okay, I’m really sad but keeping on with my life, I cry some days because I miss him but I try to distract my mind. I really want to get back with him though, because I love him a lot (Btw I went to a therapist just to know if I have an obsession with him or it wasn’t love since I already told you I’ve never felt this way before, hopefully she cleared that to me, she says I’m in love and its not an obsession hahaha thank god) So I just wanted some outsider opinions, if you guys think he will come back eventually or not. Btw I won’t talk to him but I don’t know if I should wait a month or two or four or what to do. I know time will figure things out, but it’s always good to have an outsider opinion. I forgot to ask his birthday is coming soon (September) and I don’t know if we will talk or see each other until then, so should I call him or visit him for his birthday? Or continue with the no contact rule?
Thank you!
@lola123456,
So, which country are you from? I guess we must come from the same country.
I must warn you of that "The conclusion is still at the hand of yourself. Don't let others guide your decision, even if they pretends or really pleasing you."
For you, I think you must have be chased him too close, that he didn't have an private time(well, if he is honest, then he will tell you) according to his behaviour as long as he is not a lier.
Love cannot accept any suspect. If there is any it shall be broken.
Well, unlesss you can make any detail on what you talk about, nothing can be concluded. It's better that you list the questions of yourself, and the questions of him, then you may go to him and strike to the kernel of the problem. This may lead to a disaster, but it's quick and would not make any further hurts.
@lola123456,
First off, the break up and then contacting again, or pleading to get back together? That's all a bad idea. If you're going to break up, then be broken up. Otherwise, it is confusing. So maintain no contact, at least for a while.
Give yourself an opportunity to have a life without him. Take a class. Spend time with your friends. Go to the gym. Hook a rug. Read a bunch of books. Do whatever it was which you enjoy and could not do, or do a lot of, because you had a boyfriend. Occupy your life and your time with other things, and don't spend every moment considering what could have been. And maybe you'll get over him. Give him an opportunity to miss you. Or maybe he won't.
In the meantime, September is about 8 weeks away. You don't need to settle on
any of that now. Don't buy him a present, don't consider it. If you are back to talking the day before his birthday, then feel free to text him a happy birthday greeting if you feel the need to do so, as if he was some person you were cordial with but not special (he's an ex, so that is his status. No, I am not kidding here).
Then go about your business with other things in your life. If he wants to be in your life, then he knows how to reach you.
Something sounds strange here. A 22 year old usually does not push away a wonderful girl who he dreams of marrying -unless he is being influenced by something or someone else.
You don't mention a father. Perhaps father has told this young man to separate from you?
Are there cultural or religious issues that would be of concern to his family?
Did he explain what exactly he needs to "work on"?
(He re-connects with you to see how you are doing. That does not sound like a BF who would push his GF away to go and "work on" something in his life)
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