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Sat 2 Jul, 2016 10:01 pm
Hi,
My wife caught me chatting in romantic manner with other woman in social network twice, I have quitted since 4 months back, but she could not forgive me, and have sleep separately since.
How do I win her back?
We still dine together, go marketing and exercise together, and I sent her to work almost everyday, but I am not allow to touch, kiss or hold her, not to mention sex.
How can I improve this relation, and tell her that I am wrong and need her forgiveness.
@Greywolf,
This sounds like a bit of an overreaction on her part, but perhaps it is more to (I assume) you saying you would stop and then being caught in a lie the second time you were caught.
You will have to prove trust. I would also suggest marriage counseling in order to get an impartial professional third party in, in order to referee.
@Greywolf,
You violated her trust. Do you know why you felt compelled to be romantic with other women? Has your wife complained about your behaviour with other women before she caught you online? Understand that I'm not accusing you of anything but your wife seem very angry and very hurt.
Counseling could be helpful, but only if you both make an honest effort. I hope this works out for you and your wife. Marriage can be a wonderful thing, but it takes some skill, understanding and mutual respect.
@jespah,
It was mot the first time, but second time catching me chatting with girl romantically. I know I was stupid. But I really want her back.
@glitterbag,
No, she was very dependence on me for her happiness, and this she is extremely hurt. She never hear my side of story, and I did no say anything, as I do t want to be seen as giving excuses.
@Greywolf,
Well, who do you depend on for your happiness? At this point, I think you are right, any explanation will be seen as an excuse. I think counseling is your best bet, because if you disappoint her enough she will lose respect for you. I don't know what the social norms are in your culture, perhaps there are no ramifications for cheating husbands. But if your wife loses her respect for you, it won't be a happy marriage.
@glitterbag,
it happened to me something similar with my last gf and my conflict was not really not trusting her anymore but the fact that i didn't see it coming so..... i didn't trust my judgment any more... i knew ill be unhappy and emotionally suffering thinking i was happy and trusting while she was flirting .... how can i tell if that is not happening in the future again..
@momoends,
Sorry to hear that from u, I do not know how to win her back.
Guess my problem is directly opposite from yours.
@Greywolf,
Just keep trying to win her back. Make romantic dinners, ask her out, buy her flowers. If she still hadn't left it means she's ready to give your relationship one more chance.
@LilyWilson,
If she really loves you, she`ll forgive you, just give her some time
.
@Greywolf,
I would suggest that you begin by arranging counselling for yourself to determine why you did this a second time.
Once you've sorted yourself out, you can invite your wife to join you in counselling, if you and the counsellor both see there is a benefit. It could take several months to come to that point but you need to invest the time if you want the marriage to be healthy for both of you.
@ehBeth,
Thanks,.
Yes,, I'm into counselling on my own, but she won't go, because,she said there is no point as she is giving up on me.
I think now I just have to give her more time. She always ask me to leave her,but I will not leave. I am happy just being around to serve her, like just now, she called me to tell me she is leaving work at certain time, and wanted me to pick her up. But I do those physical intimacy moment.
Thanks for replying.
@LilyWilson,
Thanks, she did told me to leave her, and she told me that she is not happier if I leave, but she doesn't want to be hurt again.
One reason why she is not divorcing me because she is a Christian and do not believe in divorce.
But nevertheless, I will try to win her back.
@Saintest,
Thanks for replying me.
She has stopped changing dress in front of me, and never come to toilet together any more. I'm also not allow to touch her, nor kiss her, she said she don't want me anymore, I am not sure what she wants.
But we do go out jogging, do marketing together. And also discuss children's issues together.
What are your ages and those of the children?
Your wife is HURT and feels BETRAYED. Do you understand that?
Consider separating for a while. Ask her to go to counseling (to her own pastor)
@PUNKEY,
My kids are in late teens.
Yes I know she's hurt.
This evening, we still go for exercise together follow by marketing. I carry all the bags of food.
We behave normal, except no sex nor imiimercy.
Mind asking, do I have hope?
I did ask her to go counselling, but she said no eyed, as she don't want me any more. How?
@Greywolf,
I think your wife is way overreactive from the description of what happened, and that she is may be done with you, which could be a bit of luck. I'm a woman saying this. Granted that if you want to be together, the social network x 2 by you is poor, but her closing you out for all this time while you are sorry is puerile.
Why do you want to win her back? Tell her why, if you mean it.
@Greywolf,
Your wife feels betrayed.May be the key is you.If she still can do daily things with you,may be she still cares about you.But it isn't tolerant to touch with you for her,not pure any more.But for an adult,if she doesn't let you touch her,it will drive you mad gradually.So you speaks different love languages.
You try to find what she really wants,and tell her the what you really want,speak the same love language,may be it works.
@ossobucotemp,
I think all I can say is,she is really hurt. We just spend few hours just now doing grocery shopping, and I did carrying stuff for her, but she will notallowanything physical.
May be I just have to wait.
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