2
   

I wonder if this paragraph make sense and there is no grammatical error.any idea to improve it?

 
 
sky123
 
Reply Wed 29 Jun, 2016 09:40 pm
Having graduated at M.S. from the University of*** and gaining about 2 years of experience in the field‎ of oil and gas, I have decided to continue my education toward Ph.D. Recently, along with my work in one of the best companies of the country, I have submitted a paper from my master's thesis to the journal of **** and currently I have one paper in preparation from the problem I faced during my work on selecting the right side for the fluids to go in a heat exchanger. I believe that I am highly Determined ‎to ‎handle a‎ ‎Ph.D ‎project.
 
View best answer, chosen by sky123
roger
 
  1  
Reply Wed 29 Jun, 2016 09:49 pm
@sky123,
I think the grammar is okay, but it really seems as though 'Having graduated at M.S.' would be better written as 'with MS'. While you're at it, why not specify the field in which you received the degree? Capitalize the degree field, by the way.

Quote:
Having graduated at M.S. from the University of***


Also, believing you are highly determined (no capital D), doesn't mean anything at all. Better to say you are highly qualified. Forget about your personal beliefs and make it a statement of fact.
sky123
 
  0  
Reply Wed 29 Jun, 2016 09:59 pm
@roger,
very useful to me. thank you very much. also for advising me to replace highly determined with highly qualified.
0 Replies
 
cicerone imposter
 
  1  
Reply Wed 29 Jun, 2016 10:13 pm
@sky123,
Having graduated with an MS from the University of *** and gaining about 2 years of experience in the field‎ of oil and gas, I have decided to continue my education towards a PhD. Recently, along with my work in one of the best companies of the country, I have submitted a paper from my master's thesis to the journal of ****. I currently I have a analysis and proposal concerning the problem faced on selecting the side for the fluids to go in a heat exchanger. I am highly determined and motivated ‎to ‎handle a‎ ‎PhD ‎project.
roger
 
  1  
Reply Wed 29 Jun, 2016 10:19 pm
@cicerone imposter,
Excellent! I would still use qualified, maybe instead of determined?
cicerone imposter
 
  1  
Reply Wed 29 Jun, 2016 10:31 pm
@roger,
I think self-qualifying is a danger.
roger
 
  2  
Reply Wed 29 Jun, 2016 10:37 pm
@cicerone imposter,
And I think 'determined' is not only highly subjective, but with the addition of 'motivated' it's also redundant. It's not worth an argument, and certainly not worth confusing the OP. The important thing is what will sway the admissions committee, and your guess is at least as good as mine.
0 Replies
 
sky123
 
  1  
Reply Wed 29 Jun, 2016 10:55 pm
@cicerone imposter,
"I currently I have a analysis and proposal concerning the problem faced on selecting the side..."
I was searching for something like this dear cicerone imposter. it is more prestigious.Thank you very much. although is "I currently I have" true? what about removing the first I ?!!isn't it redundant? and also "an analysis" instead of "a analysis"?
however dears I think both of you are right. better not to make a personal belief a statement of fact and better not to self qualify. maybe removing this sentence is the best choice?!!!
nacredambition
  Selected Answer
 
  3  
Reply Wed 29 Jun, 2016 11:09 pm
@roger,
Quote:
Excellent!


You're are such an easy marker Roger!

Quote:
Having graduated at M.S. from the University of*** and gaining about 2 years of experience in the field‎ of oil and gas, I have decided to continue my education toward Ph.D. Recently, along with my work in one of the best companies of the country, I have submitted a paper from my master's thesis to the journal of **** and currently I have one paper in preparation from the problem I faced during my work on selecting the right side for the fluids to go in a heat exchanger. I believe that I am highly Determined ‎to ‎handle a‎ ‎Ph.D ‎project.


Having graduated MSc majoring in petrochemical engineering from the University of Bangalore, and gaining two years experience in the field, I have decided to continue my education toward a PhD.

A paper from my Master's program is currently before the Journal of Energy for peer review and publication. Aside from my employment with a pre-eminent oil and gas company, I am currently working on another paper detailing aspects of fluid dynamics applied to heat exchange and oil cooling.

I believe that my qualifications and experience afford me the opportunity to successfully contribute to your PhD program.
sky123
 
  0  
Reply Wed 29 Jun, 2016 11:26 pm
@nacredambition,
Oh!Excellent dear nacredambition,.tnxxx.this is what I was searching for..
but I have no idea where Bangalore is??!!
Thank uuuuuu.



roger
 
  2  
Reply Wed 29 Jun, 2016 11:30 pm
@sky123,
India. I think it has been given a new name, but people call it Bangalore anyway.
0 Replies
 
nacredambition
 
  2  
Reply Wed 29 Jun, 2016 11:31 pm
@sky123,
Bangalore is south of Xi'an Jiaotong University.
0 Replies
 
cicerone imposter
 
  1  
Reply Thu 30 Jun, 2016 08:42 am
@sky123,
Quote:
"I currently have a analysis and proposal ....

Remove the second I. It's not needed.
0 Replies
 
cicerone imposter
 
  2  
Reply Thu 30 Jun, 2016 08:45 am
@nacredambition,
nacredambiton has the best proposal. Written like a pro.
0 Replies
 
 

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