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Considering an Affair but VERY New to This: Advice Needed

 
 
Reply Wed 29 Jun, 2016 09:17 am
Hey everyone. Long story short, there's a woman at the gym where I go that I've had my eye on for some time. Never approached her before, as I'm married (and she's married too) and gyms are sometimes a difficult place to pick up women anyway. Last week I saw her at the pool with her two kids. I didn't say anything because my wife was there also, but I noticed her looking my way on occasion. A few days later at the gym, she came up to me out of the blue and said "Hey, I saw you at the pool with your kids!" Mind you, we haven't said more than "Hi" in a year's time of working out at the same gym. We talked a bit and as we parted she said, "By the way I'm..." We saw each other a few more times in passing and just said "Hi." But yesterday I decided the ball was in my court and I approached her and struck up a brief conversation. She was receptive and smiling during the conversation...caught her playing with her hair a few times too. If we were both single, I'd figure, she's into me and I'd ask her out. But since we're both married, I'm at a loss as to where to go next, or even if I want to or should. So my question is: How does a MARRIED GUY know if a MARRIED WOMAN is looking to have an affair?
 
jespah
 
  5  
Reply Wed 29 Jun, 2016 09:34 am
@cubfanforlife2016,
Perhaps your wife has some helpful insights.
cubfanforlife2016
 
  0  
Reply Wed 29 Jun, 2016 09:41 am
@jespah,
Yea. I'll definitely be asking her opinion.
0 Replies
 
mark noble
 
  0  
Reply Wed 29 Jun, 2016 10:12 am
@cubfanforlife2016,
'Do as thou Wilt'

A. Crowley.

Personally - There are greater things to deal with, than where you prod your penis.
0 Replies
 
Leadfoot
 
  0  
Reply Wed 29 Jun, 2016 10:55 am
@cubfanforlife2016,
How about "Would you join me for lunch sometime?"

Aside from the complication of marriage (which I assume you know), what's the difference?

You being single wouldn't ask a single girl "Want to ****?" Would you?
0 Replies
 
lala222
 
  1  
Reply Thu 5 Jan, 2017 07:25 am
@cubfanforlife2016,
she wants it
0 Replies
 
izzythepush
 
  3  
Reply Thu 5 Jan, 2017 09:26 am
@cubfanforlife2016,
Tell her that native Americans have the longest staying power and that Scotsmen have the largest penises, then introduce yourself as Geronimo McTavish.
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Thu 5 Jan, 2017 10:04 am
Dip only your toe into that pool, buddy.

So what if a woman flirts with you? Are you that vulnerable?

Tell your wife what happened.
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Thu 5 Jan, 2017 10:08 am
OP

Wed 29 Jun, 2016 10:17 am

he's figured it out, one way or another by now
Leadfoot
 
  1  
Reply Thu 5 Jan, 2017 02:20 pm
@ehBeth,
Based on his question, I doubt it

But maybe our answers made him forget about it for awhile
0 Replies
 
Married-with-a-BF
 
  1  
Reply Fri 27 Jan, 2017 04:55 am
@cubfanforlife2016,
Could you just see if she wants to have coffee or something one day? Or see if she wants to go for a walk/jog somewhere away from the gym? Keep it casual and see how it goes! See what vibes you both get!
0 Replies
 
TheGoodGirl
 
  1  
Reply Sat 28 Jan, 2017 08:40 pm
Don't do it! It's not worth it. Think of your children and wife and how such an act of selfishness will destroy your family and the other woman's. Think with your brain and not with your ****. Im speaking from experience and realized the destruction I caused after it was too late. It's not worth it!
0 Replies
 
Krumple
 
  1  
Reply Sun 29 Jan, 2017 12:52 am
@PUNKEY,
PUNKEY wrote:

Dip only your toe into that pool, buddy.

So what if a woman flirts with you? Are you that vulnerable?

Tell your wife what happened.


Punkey, I usually agree with you on most posts but I think this is bad advice.

He hasn't done anything yet except talk. Although he obviously wants to. Telling his wife over nothing yet could make a mess before he even does anything.

I think he should examine why he wants this affair and is he trying to have cake plus an affair?

What's wrong in the marriage?
What's wrong in her marriage?
Are you not concerned about her position?
You just want to bag her and let the pieces fall where they do?

****? The kids are doomed on both sides. Some people shouldn't be allowed to have children.

I'm all for open sex and I'm not a fan of monogamy but at this point you need to consider more than just your self gets fucked over when it goes south.
Leadfoot
 
  1  
Reply Sun 29 Jan, 2017 08:04 am
@Krumple,
Quote:
I'm not a fan of monogamy

The society we have now is based around monogamy and it doesn't seem to work very well.
If you had your choice, what kind of society would you live in?
Krumple
 
  1  
Reply Sun 29 Jan, 2017 08:33 am
@Leadfoot,
Leadfoot wrote:

Quote:
I'm not a fan of monogamy

The society we have now is based around monogamy and it doesn't seem to work very well.
If you had your choice, what kind of society would you live in?


Well, I'm not saying that we should all adopt a certain mindset for how relationships should be.

If you personally want to have one love interest for the rest of your life and your partner in turn wants the same then why not?

My stance on it, is that for a majority this dies not work, so we should be flexible. I think marriage is a silly concept but if someone disagrees that's fine, they can and are allowed it. I just think it's silly.

We as humans rarely if ever maintain anything for life. Our likes and dislikes change constantly. Interests, ideas, pleasures and goals change and love is fickle.

I just don't think we should have a one size fits all for how society should behave in romantic relationships.
Leadfoot
 
  1  
Reply Sun 29 Jan, 2017 12:46 pm
@Krumple,
Sounds good to me. Personally, I'd ban the institution of marriage in favor of contract law where children are a factor. Write whatever terms the two (or more) people agree on.

On the emotional level, people are so insecure I think most would be terrified of a society like that. I don't know if that's because they have been so acclimated to the idea and false security of a 'partner for life' or not. Giving people the benefit of the doubt, I think they would get used to and grow to love the idea of no strings attached relationships where there is never any question about why someone is in your life.
0 Replies
 
ossobucotemp
 
  1  
Reply Sun 29 Jan, 2017 02:45 pm
I had a couple of sharp friends who said something like "we will promise to love each other until we don't" and that is not an exact quote as it is from years ago.

Far as I know, still together.
Leadfoot
 
  1  
Reply Mon 30 Jan, 2017 06:30 am
@ossobucotemp,
wise couple..
0 Replies
 
 

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