Desperately need some advise

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I met this guy @ work and gradually over a period of four months we flirted and joked with each other. He calls me silly cute names and before I know it I have a massive crush on him.
We were in a situation and I eventually told him how I felt and he said he was very flattered.
The convo ended abruptly as we were interrupted.
The next day he came to me and said that he'd thought about me that night and that even though he finds me highly attractive he doesn't fancy me and I'm totally left feeling crushed!
He still acts like nothing has happened, makes any excuse to be around me, still flirts and makes jokes, trys to make and hold my eye contact. He's always watching me when I speak to other guys and acts a little jealous.

The thing is he just came out of a serious relationship and in one of our previous conversations he said that he was just enjoying his freedom and being by himself.
Also I should mention that I told him that i only wanted a no strings attached fling( don't know if this info is important)!
I feel like he led me on, to feel completely comfortable and honest to say these things and now I'm left crushed!
What I want to know is, is this guy playing mind games? Doesn't know what he want? Or just like flirting but not interested?

Pls help
Reenie

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[+4] - jespah - 06/24/2016He made it pretty clear to you. You're just not listening. [list][*]He doesn't want anything serious [*]He was flattered but does not like you in that way [*]He knows how you feel yet continues...

@Reenie,

He made it pretty clear to you. You're just not listening.

He doesn't want anything serious
He was flattered but does not like you in that way
He knows how you feel yet continues to flirt with you and give you false hope

He's kind of a jerk, actually.

1 Reply

@jespah,

Thank you for some straight forward advice

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@Reenie,

Quote:

Also I should mention that I told him that i only wanted a no strings attached fling( don't know if this info is important)!
I feel like he led me on, to feel completely comfortable and honest to say these things and now I'm left crushed!
What I want to know is, is this guy playing mind games? Doesn't know what he want? Or just like flirting but not interested?

Maybe what he wants in the longer term is a committed relationship and you gave this signal that you are not up for that. This would make more sense of how he acts.

In feeling crushed by his rejection of a mere fling, maybe it is you who are the jerk.

1 Reply

@Leadfoot,

Fair point, I didn't actually look at it from that angle. Maybe you are right and I am the jerk!
I wanted to be with him and said that because I thought that's what he would have wanted.
But clearly this is not the case.
So should I now just leave it alone...

1 Reply

@Reenie,

Just be friends and see where it goes. If there comes a point where it is appropriate to let him know your 'no strings' statement was a blunder, do it.

But don't rush it.

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@Reenie,

"He calls me silly cute names and before I know it I have a massive crush on him.
We were in a situation and I eventually told him how I felt and he said he was very flattered."

"Also I should mention that I told him that i only wanted a no strings attached fling( don't know if this info is important)!"

This makes no sense, Lady. No sense whatsoever. You admit to having a crush on the guy, and the best you could do was to offer "no strings attached"?

You don't have the guts to simply tell the guy that you like him very much?

This might not be the absolute truth, but it's one possible model: you tested him, and with his response, he passed the test. Proof: if he had failed your test, you would not be posting here.

If you had genuinely meant "no strings attached", you would not be posting here; by definition of "no strings attached".

1 Reply

@StAntonius,

Thank you for the advise

1 Reply

@Reenie,

I have though about it since posting
And the "no strings attached statement" was probably not the best thing to say
But I'll just be friends and see where it goes if anywhere
Thank you all for your reply's

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@Reenie,

His thought is still in his previous relationship and he doesn't dare to start a new one so if he could come out, he will come to you. so now just relax and keep your distance from him.

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Desperately need some advise

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