Thu 23 Jun, 2016 05:31 am
Hello 47 male uk, will keep this very brief! i met my wife as a teenager got married done the 2 kids, mortgage thing by early 30's. She cheated on me whilst my youngest was 8 months so instantly i left the home moved back to the folks nearly killed me. For nearly 18yrs i did the part time daddy thing and most of it was good although heart wrenching - i got a flat, started getting back on track, met a girl, my girlfriend of 16yrs (whom is 15 yrs younger than me, (keeping up?)) brought my lads up as upstanding men of the world.. The ex wife - i kept my mouth shut i obeyed her every whine, paid my maintenance yagga yagga. I sold my flat I got a house, now my girlfriend had an affair last year with some vile little fat thing which completely broke my heart, he splashed it on face book too - never seen it coming thought we were v happy - we have a house together and the thought of moving down the ladder again was so terrible that ultimately I've stayed and she thinks everything although not ok is very much on track. i still love her, but not sure i want too anymore, and nearly 2yrs on everyday I think about leaving but the thought downgrading to a fleapit really drives the misery deep, think i'm just trapped. I think my self esteem over the time is now all time low i'm fed up with thinking i'm second best - i have so many positives, energetic, caring, loving, thoughtful, giving, trusting, respectful, funny! generous, fit, healthy, i cook, clean, fix the cars, it goes on and on so now ive decided i want to meet someone in a very similar situation to myself some one whose fed up thinking their second best, someone who wants abit of enjoyment out of life. i think if i did this it would help me get back on track with my other half? after all she was, still is young.. i'm 47, 2 partners in 30yrs! so i feel i have missed out.. rant over what you think!!
I'm gonna throw down the counseling card. Go with or without your long-term girlfriend. Figure out why you think you deserve to be treated like that.
You need to make better choices.
YUP - go to counseling to find out how to avoid repeating your past mistakes and learn how to recognize quality women. (not little girls)
This will sound like I'm saying the answer to your problem is 'lower your expectations' and in a way, it is.
Your 'love life' experiences sound strikingly similar to my own. My takeaway from it was that happiness is not to be found in the universal dream of wife, kids, house with the white picket fence, etc. Still, life alone is not in our nature so I'm not saying give up.
If I may ask though, why would leaving a girl friend cause such a catastrophic outcome to your living style? Split the house and move on if that's what you need to do. The psychological price of staying for half a house is far too high.
Your current girlfriend (if the numbers you provide are correct) was 16 when she got together with a man in his 30's (you). Not sure which one of you was missing on the common sense side there.
and now you're thinking of getting someone on the side to pep up your current relationship? sounds pretty messed up
if you've been doing the part-time father thing for close to 18 years, you'd have started at 29 or 30 ... not 2 kids/mortgage by early 30's
I'd suggest you missed an opportunity to have your girlfriend leave your home when she had an affair. If it's shared ownership, time to sell up and split the proceeds. Get a nice, small place on your own.
You need some time on your own to find out what you're actually all about. You went from being a teen in your parents home to being with your ex-wife to being back with your parents to being with your girlfriend. Try to step back from all of that and learn what you're like on your own.
Thanks for the comments guys indeed knowing the true answer in my heart. I was hoping it Was going to get easier. Forgive and forget approach. She was 19. When I met her Forgive my math!