The art of gift giving to each other when coupled.

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I just ordered my bf a hammock for his birthday. He's dropped a couple of broad hints that that is what he wants, or would like. The one I ordered is an Island Bay Executive model, big enough for 2 people. Then, I had to choose between cotton, or polyester. The polyester is more durable in wet climates (I live in the rainiest city in the USA) but he is a natural fabrics kinda guy, so I ordered cotton. Embarrassed

With shipping, it cost about a car payment. Embarrassed

Last year for his birthday, I got him a tangerine tree, but we weren't as serious then as we are now. For Christmas I got him an electric wok, because he likes to cook, and often cooks for us. He's used it maybe 4 times since Christmas... I also got him some massage lotions, and told him to ask for massages (I am a lmt) but he never asked, so I finally, reminded him he had it and pulled it out and used it while working on him. The Christmas before, my creative present wasn't well received, either (homemade kinky coupons in a box with fruit which looked like balls on it.) And my practical one was a cd it turned out he already had (sort of, he already had the whole opera; I gave him excerpts.)

He usually gives me little crafty jewelry pieces, along with a book, or a puzzle, or a blender... So now, have I upped the ante? Too much? Embarrassed

I'm wondering what other people give their partners, and whether the value reflects the state of the relationship... I'm trying to listen and understand how his mind works, and what he values, and also putting more effort into selection. I'm not very good at gift-giving to adults, ever. I adhere to the thought being what counts, and hope this was a well thought out gift, for him...

So, I was wondering about other people's criteria for gift-selecting... And whether it changes with the age of the relationship...

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RP and I usually leave each other catalogs with everything spelled out - page, size, color preference, etc. But we also select too many things, so it is something of a surprise when we get stuff.

He recently got me, hmm, two prs of sweat pants, two nice sweaters, a long-sleeve tee shirt, a moleskin shirt and a winter jacket. I had picked out all of these but forgotten about all of them except the winter jacket. Everything fits, looks good and I'm happy.

Last year or maybe it was 2 years ago he got me a grill plate, a set of 3 oval baking dishes and a big cutting board. I love them all and use them every week.

I tend to get him CDs, VHS tapes or books, as he often goes clothes shopping on his own.

The gifts we give each other are vacations, this year's is a second trip to Cape Cod.

We've been together since late '88, married since mid-'92.

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For my hunny bunny's birthday, I plan to give him a year-long gift. He is always complaining that his bedroom isn't a place he can relax in. When I first met him more than 3 years ago, he had the most depressing blue walls, so we painted them an extreme melon-y green just to get away from that blue, but now it's just annoying. So I plan to re-decorate his room little by little, as I don't make enough to do it all at once. But, hopefully that will change since I start at my new job on the 13th... ^^

Anyways, hunny bunny has no taste in style, so instead of asking him directly what color walls, which furniture, and types of accents he would like, I just asked him what kind of feel would he like. He said he wants to be able to come inside his room and relax. Some serenity and calmness. I'm thinking a light woodsy-green walls, a natural wood frame bed (right now it's just a mat on the floor cause we got rid of the bed earlier), black and white photos, a warm lamp, one of those mini-fountains that runs water over soft round stones, and bamboo. We definately need to get rid of the metal desk with all glass surfaces. It's too modern and steely.

I think best gifts are ones that the person actually wants and has meaning. I think it would be a shame to spend so much on a gift and not be used. I personally, wouldn't like jewelry as a gift, as I'm always losing it. Ask your man what he wants, it shouldn't be a secret. Good luck!

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I got a hand made gold ring from an ex and I hated it. Now it's one of my favorite posessions. It takes time sometimes for a gift to reveal its preciousness.

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I definitely don't think monetary value has a lot to do with the state of the relationship. Well, it depends on the relationship I guess, but not as a general concept. My husband has very very specific taste, and is a terrible liar, and getting gifts from anyone is excruciating for him because there is so little he'd actually appreciate and he knows that if it's something he doesn't want, it'll be written all over his face.

So I started out with bigger more high-concept gifts, and then have gotten much smaller -- and that's what he LIKES. I especially get him books that he knows he'd like but forgets about; "Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim" by David Sedaris for father's day for example, we hadn't talked about it at all but he really wanted it and was thrilled to get it.

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The best gift I ever managed was during the 70's for the First Mr. Noddy's birthday. He was the sort of man who liked to check works of fiction against the real world. If spies and counterspies were chasing each other around Berlin or through the European countryside, he wanted to be able to follow the action.

We were living in NYC at the time and I called every Embassy in the telephone book and asked for maps of the country and the principal cities.

A "free" gift--except for time which I had a lot of as a full time mother--and a great success.

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I guess I'm a lot like Soz's hubby. I have very specific tastes and people generally go wrong by "winging it". My B-I-L used to laugh because we'd do family gift exchanges at Xmas and I'd send a list of books with the ISBN listed. I don't just any book on the topic - I want THAT book! Smile

But, I also don't think $$ has much to do with the whole thing unless it's very early in the relationship (i.e. him buying you a car after the 3rd date!). I go for what I think she really wants and (if possible) something that I don't think she'd spend money on for herself.

My honey likes marbles. If I think a bag of marbles is what would make her happy then that's what she'd get.

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what a great idea, noddy!

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For our first anniversary my ex gave me (I kid you not) a hose. Which was odd because we were renting at the time and didn't have a lawn, plus I hate anything to do with gardening.

In retrospect, I believe she was already trying to tell me something....

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Yeah, you shouldn't have given her that vacuum cleaner...lol

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I like the hammock
I have to keep alert to any clues. We were at the mall a few weeks ago and he admired a book. The next time I was at the mall--I bought that book, hid it, and will give it to him for one of his Christmas presents. Hmmmm. What else?

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An entire service category of Gift Consultants exists to help folks in your situation. They can shop for specific gifts on a list you provide or be on wide area shopping mission for creative and unusual special gifts. Start in New York, Beverly Hills,Westchester,and San Francisco. This requires networking and homework but many busy career-heavy types really swear by it. Good hunting.

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Debra, is there something you can make for him? And I mean anything, wherever your talents lie, such as hooking a rug, making pottery, painting, whatever.

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I never know what to buy my wife for birthdays or for Christmas. This past year it was easy - a group from Camp was going on an eight or nine day trip to Rome right after her birthday, so I sent her on it. But apart from special "once in a blue moon" trips, I never know what to do.

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Jim wrote:

But apart from special "once in a blue moon" trips, I never know what to do.

A little tip for guys in the same boat (and there are a LOT of us!) - Make an effort to go shopping with your S/O every now and then. You don't actually have to buy anything - just follow her around and pay attention. Note the things she picks up off of the shelves and makes positive comments about and then puts back on the shelves. All of those are "possibles".

Sometimes you'll hear her comment that "That would look great in the living room", "I'd buy it if I had the money", etc..

Well... Go back a day or two later and BUY it! Don't wait until the occassion comes up, you'll forget what it was. Then take the item home and stash it until an occassion arrives.

I really HATE going shopping (I do most of my own on-line) but it seems to be the only way to figure out what really catches their eye. Give it a try (Xmas is coming!)

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panzade wrote:

Yeah, you shouldn't have given her that vacuum cleaner...lol

I don't think I'd like to get a vacuum cleaner, but one of the best gifts I got from a beau was my very own crow bar. I was just starting to work on this house (will it ever end?) - ripping up carpet, taking down panelling ... having a heck of a time ... he brought me a crowbar with a bow on it for my birthday. That guy listenened. Sometimes.

Setanta got me a digital camera a couple of Christmases ago. That was a dang near perfect gift - I LOVE LOVE LOVE photography - have since I bought my first second hand 35 mm camera just about 35 years ago.

Shopping for Setanta? Yikes! It's not easy.

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I consider cash (in large amounts, small denominations, non-consecutive serial numbers) an acceptable substitute . . .

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jespah wrote:

Debra, is there something you can make for him? And I mean anything, wherever your talents lie, such as hooking a rug, making pottery, painting, whatever.

Those are bigger projects to do, and usually hard to hide, so the element of surprise would be lost. I rather like that element, but have seen that look soz mentioned, where the receiver hates the gift for some reason or other... Maybe a piece of pottery would be hideable, but how many men get excited by pottery?

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What about an uninterrupted block of space or time?

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Re: I like the hammock

Debra_Law wrote:

I don't know what to buy my honey. He owns his own store; orders truckloads of merchandise all the time; and anything he (or we) could ever want--he can just bring home from his own store!

I can shop for everyone else at my honey's store (imagine that--shopping in a store where you don't need money!)--but what am I supposed to do for him?

I have to keep alert to any clues. We were at the mall a few weeks ago and he admired a book. The next time I was at the mall--I bought that book, hid it, and will give it to him for one of his Christmas presents. Hmmmm. What else?

Mine doesn't own a store, but he saves his money and buys what he wants/needs when he wants it... which is why I took him mentioning the hammock 2x as a sign he was hinting for his birthday... But when I went to the local ACE, and Sears, and Walmart, they were sold out for the season, so I had to shop online, and where the shipping is normally $7 anywhere on the mainland, it is $90-something to the islands. Embarrassed

so the present became much more costly... but the quality is much much better (I am telling myself) I want to please him, I want him to be surprised, I want him to think I am a delightful gf, thoughtful, worth keeping around, etc. The gift has intimate value since it will hold 2 comfortably, but practical value also... so I think it'll appeal to him...

Men are so hard to buy for when they are likely to buy whatever they need/want when it occurs to them to...

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The art of gift giving to each other when coupled.

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