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How to Discuss Problems

 
 
Reply Tue 21 Jun, 2016 08:16 am
THE CHALLENGE

When you and your spouse discuss a problem, do you seem to end up further apart than when you started the conversation? If so, you can improve the situation. First, though, there are a few things you should know about the different communication styles of men and women. *

WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW

A man thinks of ways to fix a problem while a woman thinks of ways to talk about the problem
Women usually prefer to talk out a problem before hearing a solution. In fact, sometimes talking is the solution.

“I feel better when I have expressed my feelings and know that my husband understands me. After I talk about it, I’m over it—usually within just minutes after the conversation.”—Sirppa. *
“I can’t move on if I don’t have a chance to explain to my husband exactly how I feel. Talking it out is a form of closure for me.”—Ae-Jin.
“It’s like detective work. As I talk, I’m analyzing each step of the problem and trying to get to the root of it.”—Lurdes.
Men tend to think in terms of solutions. That is understandable because fixing things makes a man feel useful. Offering solutions is his way of showing his wife that she can rely on him for help. So husbands are baffled when their solutions are not readily accepted. “I can’t understand why you would talk about a problem if you didn’t want a solution!” says a husband named Kirk.

But “understanding must precede advice,” warns the book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. “You have to let your partner know that you fully understand and empathize with the dilemma before you suggest a solution. Oftentimes your spouse isn’t asking you to come up with a solution at all—just to be a good listener.”

What are your thoughts?
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Type: Discussion • Score: 4 • Views: 1,072 • Replies: 13

 
jespah
 
  3  
Reply Tue 21 Jun, 2016 08:26 am
@anthony1312002,
I think you really want to make this about Jehovah's Witnesses.
maxdancona
 
  2  
Reply Tue 21 Jun, 2016 08:29 am
@anthony1312002,
I have had far fewer problems to discuss once I divorced my spouse.
0 Replies
 
anthony1312002
 
  1  
Reply Tue 21 Jun, 2016 08:45 am
@jespah,
Why do you say that?
jespah
 
  3  
Reply Tue 21 Jun, 2016 08:46 am
@anthony1312002,
Because that's how you post about everything.
anthony1312002
 
  0  
Reply Tue 21 Jun, 2016 08:49 am
@jespah,
Well, true, I am one of Jehovah's Witnesses. But this subject is common to all people regardless of their background or religious view. Wouldn't you agree?
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Tue 21 Jun, 2016 08:54 am
@anthony1312002,
anthony1312002 wrote:

Wouldn't you agree?


I hate when people say this in an effort to get you to agree with them.

It's so obvious.
DrewDad
 
  1  
Reply Tue 21 Jun, 2016 09:43 am
@anthony1312002,
Remember, God will love you even if you are not "in the truth."
0 Replies
 
Leadfoot
 
  2  
Reply Tue 21 Jun, 2016 09:49 am
@anthony1312002,
So you read 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus'.
What else is new...
0 Replies
 
anthony1312002
 
  1  
Reply Tue 21 Jun, 2016 09:51 am
@chai2,
Okay, maybe a bad choice of words. But honestly, my only reason for posting this is to stimulate discussion. It doesn't matter if we agree or disagree.
InfraBlue
 
  1  
Reply Tue 21 Jun, 2016 10:14 am
@anthony1312002,
anthony1312002 wrote:

Okay, maybe a bad choice of words. But honestly, my only reason for posting this is to stimulate discussion. It doesn't matter if we agree or disagree.

So, what's the JW's dogma on the topic? Aren't you going to post JW interpretations of Bible passages?
anthony1312002
 
  1  
Reply Tue 21 Jun, 2016 10:44 am
@InfraBlue,
Lol, no, no dogma and no personal interpretation. But one of the Scriptures I've found to be very helpful in my marriage is James 1:19 which states: "Know this, my beloved brothers: Everyone must be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger"

Man has this really benefitted us when we apply it. It helps in other relationships as well, business or otherwise.
George
 
  2  
Reply Wed 22 Jun, 2016 09:18 am
@anthony1312002,
I've found this to be helpful in my married life:
Never assume your spouse will act according to a gender-specific role.



Oh, and I like that passage from James.
anthony1312002
 
  1  
Reply Thu 23 Jun, 2016 07:18 am
@George,
That a good one!
0 Replies
 
 

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