Age difference in relationships

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I am a wise beyond my years 19 year old. I moved out of my home when I was 16 and have since been supporting myself. I really like a man who is 38. We have went on vacation together and spent a lot of time together. He is very smart...and sucessful a harvard grad and I am wondering if this could actually work out.

Replay...I dont know how to use this site...here is my reply to what I have read so far..I just did an edit to my post..
My bad grammer from the past imput was due to my lack of time......stuth
I am not uneducated...noddy and yes he does help me to enlarge my mental world and my percpective on many things....we share much in common reading, traveling, a good bottle of wine....
As far as the father figure...maybe. I grew up seeing my father only once a year. I had a trerrible childhood that I would not wish upon my worst enemy so I do probably want a little sucurity for once. He is very handsom, charming and smart -
I always did everything very young..partying...sex...going out all the time, so I feel I have experienced more than most my age..I always had a fake ID. Do I like him for the wrong reasons? I know what I feel and I know what he tells me he feels. Though he probably just suduced me with his charm. Even if it doesnt "work" whats wrong with gaining some knowledge and traveling the world...I will only be one more step above the rest my age

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scintillating00 - Welcome to A2K!

You are 19, and he is 38. He is older, wiser, and probably lots more sophisticated than you, and most likely the other guys that you date. I am sure that you find his attentions very attractive. This brings up a question. What does a 38 year old man want with a 19 year old girl?

If you were 25, and he were 44, IMO, the relationship might have a chance of working out. But you are not long out of high school. Whatever does he want with you? Does it soothe his ego to have a young chick on his arm? Many men, nearing middle age, will go through a "mid-life crisis".
One way these men deal with the fear of aging is by dating girls who are young enough to be their daughters.

What do you mean by, "work out"? Do you mean marriage? Let's say that you married him. What do you think that life would be like when you are 55, and he is 74? Think about it!

There are many happy couples that have large differences in their ages. You and your man friend might be one of them. But you need to understand what is going on, before you become more deeply involved with him. Good luck!

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Well, since you asked....

No, I don't think it will work out.

Here's why:

The fact that you describe him as a "sucessful a harvard grad" instead of someone who is sweet and tender and treats you well shows me that your priorities are misplaced.

He's most likely in it for the sex - not that theres anything wrong with that. Sometimes just sex and fun is great. Enjoy it. Use a condom.

It sounds like you might have had a hard life and are looking for security. Look to yourself and learn what you need to know to make a secure future for yourself.

Thats just my opinion.

Good luck to you.

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I do not mean any offense by this, but your writing shows very little education. As a Harvard graduate, I imagine that this sort of gap (which is evidenced here in your grammar, but surely manifested in other areas) would be very apparant to him and prevent him from respecting your intelligence. I do not think it is possible for a relationship to continue "sucessfully" without some degree of mutual respect...even if he tries to ignore the differences now, they will surely come up: he would not trust your opinion as much, would not give you as much responsibility, perhaps even talk down to you. The age difference is also a significant factor. So I'm sorry, but the relationship (long term) does not sound viable to me.

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Does he help you enlarge your mental world--or does he like you dumb/innocent/unspoiled ?

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scintillating00- you're great. You're willing to look beyond the surface and kick it with older guys. Women like you are a God-send. Don't feel guilt or shame.

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Scintillating, the age factor is really not as huge a hurdle as it seems. My own father was twenty years older than my mother and their marriage was long and happy.

However, I would like to say that at 19, wise as you may be, the age gap is of much more sigificance than it would be if you were just a few years older. You are going to have a very demanding few years ahead of you as you start to build a life for yourself, his priorities are going to be much different.

Pheonix made a good point, you really do need to know where he's coming from, love does happen, but so do mid-life crises.

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I tend to agree with the consensus that being older, more educated, and more sophisticated could also bring deeper complications emotionally. I wouldn't say it could never work, just that you should tread cautiously.

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Well Im 40.....and I personally would not even consider a relationship with anyone under.....say 24-25...unless it was just for sex...heheheh, After I divorced at 35...I dated a few of the younger type girls....other than sex..we really had nothing in common...I had kids, not very old...but still..I did not want anymore...My friends and their spouse were all around my age....so having a younger girl with was somewhat uncomfortable. Im not saying this is your senerio...but a lot of factors will play into your relationship if you continue to move forward with it....such as kids...do you want some..does he have any???...have you "partied" yet?..you know club'in....drinking Drunk

....generally acting like a 19 year old who is trying to gain perspective on the life ahead of you? Have you ever been with anyone your own age...and see what you and that person may have in common???...This may be fun for now...but if it gets serious....you COULD be spinning your wheels....try some other dishes from the buffet line before you select this as the main course......

just my 2 Cents

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I've heard time and time again that such age differences usually represent someone reaching out for a parent.

In this case:

You: wanting a father figure

This won't always be the case, and even in these cases, it doesn't mean two people can't live like this. It would have to depend on what the others above said.

No matter how hard you try to catch up to where "he's at" on that road of life, he'll be that much further down that road by the time you come close to reaching him. imo.

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Gosh Artboy, you really know how to live.

As for the author: you may be able to have a long lasting relationship with this gentleman. It all depends on the both of you...your personalities and needs.

I think we all end up at the same place in life, just at different times. Maybe you two connect. ?

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PamO. wrote:

Gosh Artboy, you really know how to live.

As for the author: you may be able to have a long lasting relationship with this gentleman. It all depends on the both of you...your personalities and needs.

I think we all end up at the same place in life, just at different times. Maybe you two connect. ?

Im confused????
Is that a good statement Embarrassed

or a bad one Crying or Very sad

???...heheheh Question

Im 7 years senior my wife.....Im also 235 lbs and 6'4+"...my wife is 100 lbs soaking wet and maybe 5'0" on her tippy toes....so aside from the small age difference there is a huge size difference. We get some really strange looks sometimes Shocked

...heheheheh..some folks have even suspected I was her father....shees....no where near the 20 year age gap from the poster....but the perceptions others have on us was somewhat confusing in the beginning......but now.......it has no effect on us Razz

...in fact we use it to our advantage...or to just fu_k with folks..heheheh Shocked

Mrs. Artboy will get a thong in the panty section at Wal-Mart..hold um up and say to me.. "Dad...do you think these will look good on me"? Shocked

Holy crap

...you should see some of the looks we get..heheheheh

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My bad grammer from the past imput was due to my lack of time......stuth
I am not uneducated...noddy and yes he does help me to enlarge my mental world and my percpective on many things....we share much in common reading, traveling, a good bottle of wine....
As far as the father figure...maybe. I grew up seeing my father only once a year. I had a trerrible childhood that I would not wish upon my worst enemy so I do probably want a little sucurity for once. He is very handsom, charming and smart -
I always did everything very young..partying...sex...going out all the time, so I feel I have experienced more than most my age..I always had a fake ID. Do I like him for the wrong reasons? I know what I feel and I know what he tells me he feels. Though he probably just suduced me with his charm. Even if it doesnt "work" whats wrong with gaining some knowledge and traveling the world...I will only be one more step above the rest my age

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scintillating00 wrote:

My bad grammer from the past imput was due to my lack of time......stuth
I am not uneducated...noddy and yes he does help me to enlarge my mental world and my percpective on many things....we share much in common reading, traveling, a good bottle of wine....
As far as the father figure...maybe. I grew up seeing my father only once a year. I had a trerrible childhood that I would not wish upon my worst enemy so I do probably want a little sucurity for once. He is very handsom, charming and smart -
I always did everything very young..partying...sex...going out all the time, so I feel I have experienced more than most my age..I always had a fake ID. Do I like him for the wrong reasons? I know what I feel and I know what he tells me he feels. Though he probably just suduced me with his charm. Even if it doesnt "work" whats wrong with gaining some knowledge and traveling the world...I will only be one more step above the rest my age

I'd go for it, if I were you, and have fun with it while it lasts, but not expect it to be the final soulmate destination, if it's anything like that for you now. The age gap is too extreme to be equal unless he has some sort of arrested emotional development, in which case, some day you will pass him and leave him behind. Also, the disparity between your educations will be continuously problematic. I say this as a person w/an A.S. who is dating a physicist w/a Ph.D.: it bothers him and he is paying for me to continue in college to be more his equal because it does bother him, that I was somehow unmotivated/not sensible/didn't look at the big picture. I've been around long enough to bet a Harvard grad would feel similarly. I'm sure you are educated in the worldly things, but your spelling and grammar are atrocious (reread your last post- it wouldn't pass the muster at the episcopalian girls' school I attended which fed its best and brightest into the Ivy League colleges.) Just remember, spelling and grammar are man-made, and therefore, less important than a sensible mind... Then go out and approach this situation and everything else with sense. Good luck!

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Scintillating--

Your rotten childhood already has you walking an uncommon path towards maturity. If you enjoy your Harvard guy, hang out with him for as long as the relationship lasts. If he's a needy type who requires a lot of admiration, you may have a life together--or you may not.

You wrote:

Quote:

I always did everything very young..partying...sex...going out all the time, so I feel I have experienced more than most my age..I always had a fake ID. Do I like him for the wrong reasons? I know what I feel and I know what he tells me he feels. Though he probably just suduced me with his charm. Even if it doesnt "work" whats wrong with gaining some knowledge and traveling the world...I will only be one more step above the rest my age

I live in a rather stodgy world--lots of emphasis on books and family and personal ethics: Art galleries, museums, concert halls, volunteer activities; cooking; gardening: vigorous and courteous discussion....

I did my share of hell-raising in the '60's, but the life-forming experiences that have contributed to my maturity aren't the sort of experiences that you can accumulate with a fake ID.

In some ways you're a precocious party girl--and undoubtedly this is part of your charm in the eyes of your besotted swain. In other ways--such as choosing not to edit your question about the chances of love between a 16 year old dropout and a much older Ivy League man--you've got a lot to learn.

Enjoy while the band plays---but keep in mind that this romance may not last forever and keep an eye out for your lifeboat.

Good luck.

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noddy...I moved out at 16..I did not dropout.....

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Quote:

I always did everything very young..partying...sex...going out all the time, so I feel I have experienced more than most my age

This has been a common scenario for many young people nowadays. There is one problem. I call it, "sophistication without maturity". Seeing the seamy side of the world does not necessarily make you more mature, or able to cope with life's challenges in a functional manner. IMO, only time, long experience, reflection and hindsight can do that.

The fact that you had a rotten childhood, should send up a red flag for you. One of the jobs of young adulthood is working through the emotional baggage that a person accumulates during his childhood. If a person does not do this, the usual upshot is a series of dysfunctional relationships.

Know what you are doing, be aware of your motivations, and don't get in over your head. Good luck!

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scintillating--

More power to you having finished high school under those conditions. I'm sorry if I seemed to devalue that character building experience.

My estimation of your chances for survival--in or out of that particular relationship--have increased.

Good luck.

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38 and 19, that's... yuck?? No really, that makes me want to vomit. I apologize if I am being rude but I really can't help expressing my feelings on this one.. It's worse than the one about about the 14 and 18 year olds. I am 21, 2 years your senior, and I don't even consider myself "wise beyond my years." I have also experienced the hard realities of life as well, and if there's anything I've learned, it's to tell myself I am not wise. I do not know everything. I know nothing. I am an empty glass waiting to be filled. (I know that sounded corny, but it's true.) Just about everything everyone has said is true. It won't work it. Dammit, I just can't understand why young woman want to freakin' settle down!!! Stand behind a man's shadow all their lives! Give birth to their babies! Cook their damn dinner! I've seen too many of them! Whatever happened to the feminest rights and and girl power?!?!?! Jeez... All the things that woman worked so hard for... and now that we finally have stepped up a notch, ya'll want to go back to the way it was!! ARGH!

IF I WERE YOU I WOULD ENTER A COMMUNITY COLLEGE, EARN YOUR ASSOCIATES, EXPLORE WHAT'S OUT THERE!!!!!!! THINK ABOUT THE POSSIBILITIES! WHY CAN'T YOU BE THE ONE WITH THE HARVARD DEGREE?????

Sorry bout the caps... (breathing in.... breathing out... breathing in.... breathing out....) Sorry, I better get out of here before it really turns ugly....

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mchol:
I do go to community college..while working full time. As far as the cooking and babies...I hate cooking and don't want kids until I am at least 27. Who said anything about settling down and living behind his shadow?? Sure as hell wasnt me! I am going to be succesful on my own I just think it you should surround yourself with people you can learn from.

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Age difference in relationships

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