Why am I like this? I am only seeking abusive relationships

It sounds more like you would fit into the S & M scene.

Please note: I know nearly zero about it, but those folks absolutely have relationships (e. g. it's not just sex) and so that could potentially satisfy your desire to be dominated yet, at the same time, not be thought of as, in your own words, a 'whore'.

As for how to hook up with those folks, you might have to do some creative Googling. It's probably not the sort of stuff you'd find on OKCupid or the like, but maybe it is. Craigslist might also be worth a look. Keep in mind, for your own safety, you had best get to know people before you do much of anything with them. Don't bring them to your home. Meet in a public place. Don't go home with anyone you don't know, etc. I realize you may feel I am being overly cautious, but your life is not to be trifled with here.

You can also ask discreetly at places which sell sex toys. It's worth a shot.

You can also, of course, attempt more conventional relationships and then see how they go. However, this will be a dealbreaker for a lot of people (albeit not everyone).

More than with conventional relationships, you will need to be careful and cultivate and maintain a higher level of trust. You need to use a safe word and know your partner will honor it. You don't want someone who'll think it's funny or sexy to ignore it.

I would strongly urge that you consider an S & M relationship rather than some abuser. You want someone who will take you to the emergency room if they accidentally break your arm during sex, for example. Plus, regardless of the trappings, you are a worthwhile person who deserves a loving relationship, aren't you?

Thank you, but I don't feel it has anything to do, or little to do with sex. I am talking about emotional masochism. I feel atracted to abusive people or at least those who are dominat. A good boy bores me and almost annoys me. I would never ( ot at this point) get involved in a sexual relationship with a good guy. I am a virgin, but I have the feeling I am not that innocent..But I don't know why most guys think I am a saint, a good shy girl. I am not.

You may have had a good childhood and I'm sure you're perfectly "normal" (if there is such a thing), but your behaviors are learned, not inherent. Think about your childhood and those that influenced you the most (not necessarily your parents). Your take on relationships is something you picked up (consciously or subconsciously) from someone close to you. When we are very young the situations we are in are what we consider "normal". They become the template for how we build our own lives.
An example is the life of natives in the Amazon Jungle. They grow up not wearing shoes, seeing everyone almost completely naked, and roasting and eating giant spiders. To them, this is their "normal". To us it may seem gross and disgusting.
You sound intelligent. If you think about it long enough, you'll discover why you feel this way.

I agree with Jespah.

And you can find an S&M relationship that does not include sex, but could include the kind of interaction/fettish you desire.

That would be the safest place for you to realize your fantasies. (Heck people like to be spanked, pinched, tied up, peed on, whipped, yelled at, etc - all in a safe place and with agreed upon boundaries. Explore this in your community (large city)

Otherwise, if you look for it in the mainstream, you will get a man who might be dangerous to you.

Be careful out there. There's a lot of nutcases around.

I strongly urge you to figure this thing out either by long introspection or by talking to a counselor. Please DO NOT go actively seeking an abuser. This will only reinforce the problem.
I have personally known several women with feelings similar to yours. Most of them have only figured out their issues after a string of bad relationships and years of self abuse with alcohol and drugs. If they get involved with a "good" man, they end up bored and sabotage the relationship. If they get involved with a "bad" man, they endure years of abuse and turn to alcohol and drugs.
The key to solving a problem is understanding. Once you realize the cause of your behavior, you are free to change it; you know HOW to change it.
You mentioned that you don't feel the connection between sex and love; that sex is purely physical without an emotional element. It's this separation that will prevent you from building a lasting relationship with a partner.

There is so much here it is hard to know where to start. There is some reasonable advice here but ultimately it is you that has to find what you want and do it in a safe fashion.

It appears you want to have a serious relationship before you have sex. Nothing wrong with that. It is probably a good thing. Intimacy is very important in a relationship. Intimacy can also be a great thing to have during sex. Intimacy doesn't mean you have to have "romantic sex". It only means you know and help fulfill each other's emotional as well as physical needs.

You state you love to be dominated by a guy but you don't really say what that means in a non sexual fashion. Abusers use many ways to dominate someone. Often by isolating them and belittling them. Abusers often start out overly nice before turning over time. You might not be at risk of the classic abuser but if you go searching in the S&M world there are abusers here and there that will be only too willing to prey upon you given the chance.

As to Dominate/submissive relationships, they come in all shapes and sizes as well. There are couples that only practice it sexually and not all the time and there are other couples that try to live the lifestyle 24/7. A couple may only need that feeling now and again or life can simply intrude in the relationship. Many D/s couples you meet would seem perfectly normal. They have kids, jobs, other commitments, etc. Like Jespah said, you can find all kinds of info on line. Many submissives write blogs. Do a Google search for "submissive blog". Some of them will be all sexual in nature but there are many that deal with the more mundane things in life. These are the people to turn to for advice. (JenniferFrance.com came up in my search and has a list for beginners. There will be many more. Many of the bloggers link to other blogs they like.) You may find you aren't interested after reading some of the posts. If nothing else it will give you lots of healthy advice on how to stay healthy, safe, and sane.

The one thing to remember is that in a true D/s relationship the Dominate will care a great deal for their submissive. Be careful and be safe. Talk to others that have similar feelings. Get advice. Go slow. Find an on line forum to talk to others. Eventually, you may find a "munch" that meets near you where you can start to meet people in person if you feel you want to go down this road.

Thank you for advice. Well, I do not really know what I seek. I do not want these thngs, I do not want an abusive boyfriend or someone who treats me bad physically or emotionally, but this is what I subconsciously seek. It happened to me several times: a guy( a guy I liked, or a guy who I dated) rose their voice at me or even lightly physically hurted m( not anything serious-maybe pushed me out of anger or grabbed my hair). I felt so scared at the moment and told they guy I don't wanna see him ever again, but a few hours later this made me want the guy more. I was the one calling him and asking him to forget everything and come back. So, I am not talking about sexual S&M. I also don't feel like I would want to be kicked or punched or anything like that. It would be too much. But I think I seek a game like relationship. Idk, have no ideea. But the ideea of a good boy doesn't appeal to me, not at all. And yet very few " bad guys" would want a girl like me..a virgin

Are you kidding? You're a bad guy's dream come true. You get excited by being dominated and abused and don't associate sex with love. Perfect. He does whatever he likes and you don't feel used afterward!
All this BDSM advise would be fine if you were older and more experienced. But you haven't even begun to explore your sexuality. For your first ice cream I recommend vanilla. Wait until you have a more developed palate before you go for the cayenne double fudge.
Sometimes as children we learn by negative example. I have a friend who's mother was an alcoholic. She witnessed her mom's disease up close through her whole childhood. She is now nearly 50 and has a lifelong aversion to alcohol.
I know another woman who grew up in a home with an alcoholic father. She is now and has been an alcoholic mess her whole life.
Sunshine, tell me about your father. What sort of a man is he? How does he treat your mother? How does your mother treat him? Are your parents still together?
Give me some more information and I can steer you down the right path.

Maybe a bad guy would like those other stuff but bad guys do not date virgins.

My father is OK, he is a bit distant, but he loves me and my mother. He had been married before, once, but his wife died and the he re-married my mother. Sometimes he drinks, but never gets drunk and he is funny when he drinks:)). My mom sometimes gets angry because he would rather spend him time with his friends playing Poker than with us, but I have always thought this is normal. But I have a closer relationship with my mom. She also sometimes has the feeling my father is cheating, but I am sure he is not. My father makes a lots of money and have friends all over the country and this is why my mom thinks he may be cheating. I know he likes a good view( a hot girl) but never goes beyond a smile or a friendly touch..I guess. Even if he did cheat, I told my mom, I would not see it a big deal..like a one night stand( with a stranger!), I would only see it in a bad way if he had a long term relationship outside the marriage.

It's interesting that you think it's OK for your father to cheat on your mother. He probably dismisses her concerns as "silly". It seems that both you and your father minimize your mother's feelings. You say he spends a lot of time away working? And then while he is home he spends time with his friends. Was he unavailable during your childhood?
I'll bet your mother wouldn't be OK with your father having a one-nighter with a hot girl while he was out of town. In fact she would be hurt very badly by this.
I can see where you get your attitudes on love and sex... you identify with your mother, she is very much in love with a man who is unavailable to her and is very cavalier in his attitude toward casual sex. But in identifying with your mother, you have insulated yourself from emotional pain by adopting your father's separation of sex from love. If only your mother could feel this way, everything would be fine: your mother could be happy and your father could have a piece of ass now and then but still come home to your mother.
The connections are very clear. Most young girls form an image of what a husband ought to be using their father as a model. And their image of how a wife ought to be using their mother. You're following a classic pattern, but you see the flaws in your model. Now that you are aware, watch your parents closely. Observe their behavior and their interactions with each other. Try to put yourself in their shoes, feel what they are feeling. Try to discover their motivations, and try to recognize the seeds of your own behavior in them. Be honest with yourself. If you see something wrong with your parent's behavior, admit it. Don't let your judgement be clouded by your love and admiration for them. I hope this helps you.

If you are aware enough to write that sentence, you are kidding yourself (and us) if you think it's all 'subconscious'.

Be honest with yourself and you will find the answers you need.

Why would I seek intentionally something like that? And if it was all my will, I woudl never ask for other opinions

The idea of having sex with someone who sees me just as a body with no soul somehow appeals to me, in a weird way. You know, like I would like to have a loving boyfriend and have a platonic relatonship with him and at the same time, to have another guy just for sexual relase. I do not know, maybe( i hope I am wrong)

Because you are attracted to it and enjoy it as you are fully aware of.

You might if you are uncomfortable with it as you say you are.
But there is nothing wrong with asking for advice.

Being the object of someone else's attraction is appealing, that's understandable. Maybe the idea of a relationship that is both loving AND sexual is too risky; too many opportunities for betrayal and pain. Sex with someone you care about builds intimacy and strengthens the bond between you. It also leaves you vulnerable. This is your fear. You're afraid that if you get that close, your partner has the power to hurt you. You see this imbalance of power in your parents and you don't want to risk ever being in your mother's position. This is something you need to work out with yourself, your parents and a counselor. I'm not saying drag your parents into therapy. I mean you can talk to a counselor about your parents and how they have affected you. You can also talk to your parents to better understand their positions. You don't have to let them know that you are studying them.

why not try this for a while and see how it goes