I'm glad to hear you've decided not to leave your house immediately. It would be horrible for your children if you did that. Better that you and your husband sit down with them as a family and explain that some things are going to change, but you will both always love them with all your hearts. Tell them you have both been unhappy living together, and that it's going to be better for everyone this way. (It will!)
You and your husband need to decide (with legal help if necessary) about separation of assets, property and custody. Once you have decided on these things, you can fill your daughters in together.
You and your husband may be ending your marriage, but you are not ending your family. It is important that the girls know that. It will be difficult, but that's what those two kids deserve from both of you.
How old are the girls? It would be nice if you could let them help you find their new "second home," and move some of their things into it with you, fix up their rooms, etc.
Eventually, you will realize that the affair was the direct result of problems in your marriage, not just an isolated bad decision on your part. Then you can forgive yourself. I hope that day comes soon.
((((HUGS)))))
eva, you are so caring...
Eva wrote:Eventually, you will realize that the affair was the direct result of problems in your marriage, not just an isolated bad decision on your part. Then you can forgive yourself. I hope that day comes soon.
((((HUGS)))))
Thank you so much. I go back and forth, mentally beating myself up and then picking myself back up again. I hope that day comes soon too when I can forgive myself.
Our girls are 5 & 7, btw.
Everyone, thank you all for you advice. I'm trying to take this all one moment at a time. It's hard.
You're among caring friends...
panzade...so sweet. Thank you so much. I can feel that.
:-D
Your kids sound like they're old enough to have an understanding of what's happening. It's very possible that they have already sensed tensions between the two of you. Even if they don't express it, they may find they have a subconscious feeling of relief - a feeling they may be unable to verbalize until they are older.
One thing (and I'm not a parent but this is something I've read) you want to do is show them that your marriage may have ended but that doesn't mean that caring or respect ends - despite how you or your husband may be speaking, thinking or behaving.
Like Eva said, the marriage is ending, but the family is not. The kids need to know that they still have both parents and can count on both of you. I think they also need to know that love is strong and that they were created in love and that they were wanted, regardless of how things currently are between you and your husband.
A good divorce is better than a bad marriage. Even if your husband starts to get down and dirty, don't stoop to that level. It is better for your children and a judge or mediator will see that. The affair may have got the ball rolling, but you as a grown-up can make sure that the process goes as smoothly as possible. And even a good divorce is not easy for the children, but it beats the hell out of Mom and Dad screaming at one another and tearing each other down.
