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Why did he block me after I said I am a virgin?

 
 
Reply Fri 10 Jun, 2016 01:59 pm
Hello. So I have been on a few dates with a guy I met online. I am 20 and he is 23. Since our first date he was trying to make me come over for dinner and movie. I told him I am not OK with that and he understood. But he continued to invite me at his place for our dates. I refused every time( we were on 4 dates)
He was getting really physical since second date and at our last date he tried to have sex with me in his car. I told him NO. I let him take off my blouse because for a moment I thought that I want it too, but I stopped him. He just laughed and thought I was playing hard to get and continued to kiss me and touch me. I said NO again and he stopped but still couldn't believe I actually do not want it. He told me to relax and trust him because he is a serious guy and he will treat me well. I finally told him I am a virgin and he was speechless. I also told him I stood this was because I had been harrased when I was 17 and decided to stay a virgin untill I am 100% sure I want to do it. I also told him that I do plan to have sex with him, but I need to know him better. He was OK with it and even told me he likes the fact that I was honest with him and told him what happened to me when I was 17.

But he said my virginity it's like a obstacle for him and he has his needs. He told me not to worry and he gave me a few days to decide if I want to continue this or not( but he did not kiss me goodbye, he told me to get off of the car because he is in a hurry-well he actually was, I know for sure, he did not held my hand while driving..he was distant) I wrote him a few days later and told him I am not OK with some " things" right now, but maybe in the future, I will change my mind..and he blocked me a few hours later-after he promised me he won't do such a thing because whatever my decision will be, he wants us to stay friends-he told me this at our last date.
Why the hell did he block me? I wasn't messaging him constantly, I barely texted first. btw- he never even asked for my phone number, we talked online//so I wasn't clingy. Why he did it??? Does he think I am a weirdo or I pissed him off? He had been involved with lots of girls in the past and he said he has never met a girl like me-a virgin.
He looked really pissed of after I told him I don't want sex, but he only became distant after I said I am a virgin. He also told me he wants a relationship with me, but I doubt it.
So why did he block me after promising he won't do it?! It was my fault? It would had been better if I just slept with him? Sorry for my English.
 
jespah
 
  6  
Reply Fri 10 Jun, 2016 02:50 pm
@sunshine09,
Do not sleep with these kinds of passive-aggressive jerks. Please.

He blocked you because you would not give him what he wanted. The solution to that is not to give in and put out. The solution is to move on. BTW, I would give the same advice if you were a man saying this - people should not be pressured into sex when they are not ready for it. Period.
maxdancona
 
  1  
Reply Fri 10 Jun, 2016 03:37 pm
@jespah,
I am not as harsh on this guy as Jespah is (although I agree with where she ends up).

He thought the relationship was one thing. You told him that it was another. If I am reading this correctly, he backed off fairly quickly when you made it clear that you didn't want to have sex. This was the right thing for him to do.

He ended it when he figured out this relationship was not what he wanted. This is a fairly typical sequence of events in dating. He blocked you because he is ending a relationship that he doesn't think will ever work.

You will likely be on the other side of this interaction as you date... where you leave a relationship abruptly when you find out it isn't what you want. I have been abruptly dropped, and I have left relationships that I didn't think would work.

I think we all agree that it was good you didn't have sex with this guy. You weren't both in the same place. Learn from it whatever you can, and move on.

Relationships work best when both people are in similar places in life and want the same things in a relationship. Not all relationships will ever work.



sunshine09
 
  1  
Reply Fri 10 Jun, 2016 10:26 pm
@maxdancona,
Thanks for advice, I thougt the same thing. It is just that ater our last date I asked him if will he unfriend me on facebook and he said he would never do such a thing and he wants to keep on seeing me. I don't understand why he would lie to me like this. Plus, that blocking thing really insulted me and made me feel bad. First, because he promissed he isn't that kind of person and second, because he told me to write him what my decision is. He also proposed to go for a walk and talk it off. I don't understand...
I forgot to mention, he is a Muslim and I am from France. He studies here and plans on returning. He said he never thought there are virgin among our girls
The main reason why I didn't have sex with him was that I felt that he would sleep with me and dump me. Maybe it was just my imagination, but this is what I felt.
maxdancona
 
  0  
Reply Fri 10 Jun, 2016 11:35 pm
@sunshine09,
You should feel good. You did the right thing. You stood up for yourself, and you protected yourself from what would likely have been a bad relationship (you and he clearly weren't in the same place). It is difficult... because relationships have strong emotions and we get all of our hopes tied into a new relationship.

But you handled this difficult situation very well (hopefully that helps).

My advice for you would be to move on. New relationships end abruptly, it happens all the time. Sometimes breaking off all contact is the best thing for everyone.

One of the keys to having good relationships is learning to avoid the bad ones. You will be fine.


sunshine09
 
  1  
Reply Sat 11 Jun, 2016 12:54 am
@maxdancona,
Yeah, well I am not crying or something like that. It was me who actually told him he is wasting his time with me and I don't want what he wants, so I was actually OK with the ideea it had ended. But I don't understand that block and this is what makes me feel confused and weird-because he said he is not that kind of person who would do such a thing. He said he would like to spend time with me as a friend because I am a very intelligent girl. I feel liek he hates me or something because he blocked me without reason..he told me he won't do it
Ragman
 
  2  
Reply Sat 11 Jun, 2016 05:46 am
@sunshine09,
He is a manipulative liar.

Next
sunshine09
 
  1  
Reply Sat 11 Jun, 2016 08:09 am
@Ragman,
why manipulative?
Ragman
 
  1  
Reply Sat 11 Jun, 2016 08:10 am
@sunshine09,
Rolling Eyes
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Sat 11 Jun, 2016 08:50 am
I have heard of girls who want to remain a "virgin" but will engage in petting, sometimes very heavy petting, and even oral sex. Everything except intercourse.

But your situation sounds different. You speak about something that happened at age 17. What was it? Is this preventing you from deciding to engage in actual intercourse?

Don't give mixed messages. If you let a guy take off your blouse, then - what next are you going to do? Perhaps the ground rules need to be explained before you begin this kind of stuff with guys.

PS - You are lucky to be rid of this guy. He will go back to his country to get his virgin wife (he's bound to that) but in the meantime, he plans to plug every girl he can. He is disgusted by non-virgin American girls, afterwards.
sunshine09
 
  1  
Reply Sat 11 Jun, 2016 09:08 am
@PUNKEY,
It isn't preventing me. It wasn't a big deal, but at that age I saw it that way. Anyway, the main reason I didn't agree to have sex with him, was the fact that I had that feeling he is going to leave me after. He never asked for my number and we had been seeing each other for a month. I am just super confused because of that block. Maybe I pissed him off because he is used to have every girl he wants...he is kind of a rich arab
0 Replies
 
sunshine09
 
  1  
Reply Sat 11 Jun, 2016 09:11 am
@Ragman,
ok, I know he was kind of manipulative but he wasn't that bad I guess. I understand, he wanted a thing, I wanted another, he said we shall stay friends and he would never even unfriend me..this is why I am so confused now
chai2
 
  2  
Reply Sat 11 Jun, 2016 09:51 am
@sunshine09,
If your habit here of going over the same thing over and over is how you communicated with him, I'd block you too.

It's not rocket science. He blocked you despite the fact he said he wouldn't, because that's what he wanted to do.

This is one of those "how the hell do we know what's going through his mind?" things.

Move on/drop it means just that. That includes cycling through the same question unendingly.
0 Replies
 
kumaramit
 
  0  
Reply Wed 14 Sep, 2016 03:25 am
@sunshine09,
He blocks you because he only wants from you that is sex .He know better that until you don't know him completely you don't go ahead physically that's why he is blocking you . Forget him and move ahead in your life .
0 Replies
 
Eliusa
 
  -2  
Reply Wed 14 Sep, 2016 10:47 pm
@sunshine09,
Honey! You are lucky he wasn't a real player.
If he was he would get you where he want you week later.
He is a man who need sex. You are too much work for him
if like you said he could get it anytime.
Stop thinking about him (I know it is harder to say than do)
If you were into him to the point to forget yourself - you would.
But if you didn't - brighter future for you ahead. Stay strong.
Or become a nun...whatever floats your boat.
0 Replies
 
 

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