My boyfriends bestfriend is a d*** to me

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So about 3 months ago i started dating this guy. Well we were bestfriends for maybe 6 or 7 months before we started going out. And just recently me and his guy bestfriend have been having problems. Hes been texting me and saying mean things like how im just a side b**** and that no one could ever love me and that im going to hell. I was surprised by this because he is the one that got me and my boyfriend together in the first place. I tried fixing things with him but i just cant. My boyfriends guy bestfriend hates me. Id be okay with it except my boyfriend has stopped hanging out with him and they are no longer close. My boyfriend says this is fine because im his bestfriend now and that if his guy bestfriend is gonna be a d*** to me then he doesnt care if he looses him. But i feel guilty for stealing him away from his "guy time" and taking away someone hes been close with for years. Is it bad that me and my boyfriend are bestfriends now and that hes losing his real bestfriend because of me? Should I let my boyfriend stay friends with his guy bestfriend and just put up with his rudeness to me? Or should i take the opportunity of keeping my boyfriend to myself and away from his mean bestfriend?

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Type: Question • Score: 6 • Views: 851 • Replies: 8

@RelationshipProblems,

Your BF is not distancing himself from his friend because of you, he is doing it because his "friend" is being a jerk to you (which by extension is being a jerk to him). His friend is not just disrespecting you, he is disrespecting your boyfriend. Your BF has a reasonable expectation that his friends treat you decently and "if his guy bestfriend is gonna be a d***" then he doesn't care if he looses him.

If you back away or break up with your BF, he is not going to go running back to the guy who screwed things up for him. If you hang with the two of them and the friend is abusing you, your BF is not going to be happy with this. It's not a great situation but take solace that your boyfriend sounds like he has his head on straight.

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@RelationshipProblems,

Engineer has it on the money.

The possible motives are:
- the 'best friend' actually likes you, so can't stand seeing you happy with his best friend' or
- the 'best friend' is jealous that his best friend has moved on to a new best friend

Neither of those are fixable by negotiation.

Other possible motives are:
- the 'best friend' is hearing rumours about you that he doesn't like
- some other thing not related to jealousy

These are usually fixable through talking (though not always).

1 Reply

Agreeing with engineer.

Plus, from a womans point of view, why would I let someone treat me like a doormat?

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@engineer,

Thank you and im glad to have a bf who wont let anyone, even some guy hes been bestfriends with for forever, disrespect me. Im staying with my bf but he is going away to visit his family for the summer and his guy bestfriend has threatened to destroy my life while he is gone. Im not scared of his guy bestfriend anymore he can try and do whatever he wants because i know my bf is on my side and will not let his guy bestfriend break us up.

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@vikorr,

Yes my bfs guy bestfriend has just recently admitted that one, he liked me first and two hes jealous because I spend more time with my bf than he does. We are trying to work through things now but he has threatened to "ruin my life" while my bf is gone for the summer. But i have already talked to my bf about it and he says he wont put up with his guy bestfriend disrescpecting me and that he wont leave me no matter what his friend tries to do

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@RelationshipProblems,

Why are you staying in contact with the jerk?

Time to halt the contact.

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@RelationshipProblems,

RelationshipProblems wrote:

he has threatened to "ruin my life" while my bf is gone for the summer.

What a load of stupid immature horse sh!t.

Like ehbeth just asked, why are you even paying the slightest bit of attention to any of this?

Be the adult and just let him play his stupid little boy games. None of what he does/says even desires a response, or any thought directed at him.

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Yep, all that "best friend" proved was that he wasnt a best friend at all and seems like your BF is losing nothing by disassociating himself from him. I think we all have gone through the experience of maturing past some friend or another and needing to leave them behind. Its not your fault, nor your BF. If he is willing to mature into the future, he doesnt owe his friends anything for refusing to do the same.

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My boyfriends bestfriend is a d*** to me

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