Forced to pick up the pieces

Hey guys, gals. I'm looking to share something very personal about myself. I don't have many friends I can just dump my **** on. So I figured I'd share it with the world "great logic" I figured maybe I can find peace within your responses, so here goes..

I'm reeling over a highschool relationship that never happened. This girl was/is the most precious thing to me. My problem is, since then I have tried forgetting her to no avale. I got married and joined the millitary, a little after highschool. Moved across the country and got deployed. I probably thought about this girl everyday, while building what is now, a ten year relationship with my current wife. Occasionally on a rare and anxious blue moon we would speak on the phone, from thousands of miles away, only I remember that the conversation always felt more and more one sided, accompanied by awkward silences. Completely without my wife's approval. Since then she has found someone else and is happiest as a new mom. On another note I feel dismayed with the guy she ended up with, who is rather lack luster.

Back in highschool she was one grade ahead of me, but she chose me as her prom date. The following year I brought her, I thought for sure we were destined and that God would bring peace to my weary and sad heart. THIS GIRL WAS THE ONE!! On my prom night we walked on the shore, I'll never forget it, we stared into each other's eyes and kissed briefly. My current wife and I had just met the month before. The kiss with my prom date never amounted and my wife ended up as the main girl, but not on my mind. Eventually I broke up with my then girlfriend in one last attempt to profess my infinite love for this highschool crush in probably the longest text message I ever wrote, in the end I settled as her friend. Got married with my wife, and left the east coast. After long months of trainings and deployments I would think of her, wondering why, and it drove me mad, but I held inside? It simmers inside me still. On the other hand I have a loving caring talented and secure wife with fat ass with some pretty good cooking skills and a temper. but still I covet something more than 3000 miles away.

If I were to describe this lingering feeling, it would be that, deep deep inside I believe we were supposed to happen. It's a feeling I can't shake, and it's destroying me inside. My wife is completely clueless about these feelings that I have inside, that I don't REALLY love her and that I'm still balling up at night on the other side of the bed, with a sinking heart that I can't imagine is healthy. My wife and I are in a stage of a relationship when after 10 years, you can appreciate someone for the soul they have inside. Are marriage is going fantastic and I have managed to achieve a pretty successful life by any standards. EXCEPT FOR THIS CLOG IN MY HEART.