1
   

NEED ADVICE PLEASE 😏

 
 
Reply Tue 17 May, 2016 07:27 pm
I'm involved with a man whose wife divorced and left him. He didn't want a divorce and was devastated. I can't help feeling he still loves her and wishes he was still with her and their two children. I don't know if I should pursue this relationship because of my insecurities. Any advice?????
 
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Tue 17 May, 2016 09:17 pm
Perhaps you should find out WHY his wife took the kids and left him. That may help you answer your own question
Robert Gentel
 
  1  
Reply Tue 17 May, 2016 09:23 pm
@Kimmaria,
We don't know the either of you so how can we tell you whether or not he is a good fit for you? Or if your concerns are well founded etc?
Kimmaria
 
  1  
Reply Wed 18 May, 2016 08:10 am
@PUNKEY,
He said he was young and immature at the time. She left because he didn't give her the attention she needed. But then they remarried 10 years later and she left again. He said he was very attentive to her this time and wanted it to work, but that she had her own issues and chose to leave again. He says he loves me, but I feel like he will always wish he was still with her, and my insecurities are keeping me from pursuing it. Just needed some advice.
0 Replies
 
Kimmaria
 
  1  
Reply Wed 18 May, 2016 08:13 am
@Robert Gentel,
Well, my main question is, even though he says he loves me, since his wife was the one to leave him, do they ever get over that love? Do men always want their first love/wife and settle after that??
CoastalRat
 
  1  
Reply Wed 18 May, 2016 08:40 am
@Kimmaria,
Is it possible that he will always love her? Sure.
Does that in any way diminish his love for you? No.

Quote:
Do men always want their first love/wife and settle after that??

No. And that does not seem to be the situation here. She may always have a place in his heart, but you currently own his heart.

ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Wed 18 May, 2016 09:15 am
@Kimmaria,
Is this man your first love?
Robert Gentel
 
  1  
Reply Wed 18 May, 2016 09:40 am
@Kimmaria,
Kimmaria wrote:
Well, my main question is, even though he says he loves me, since his wife was the one to leave him, do they ever get over that love?


Men are not monolithic beasts who all act the same. Some never get over their first love many do. Each relationship is different.

Quote:
Do men always want their first love/wife and settle after that??


Some do, some don't. You aren't going to be able to definitively answer this, and none of us can tell you if he is going to get over his first love or if he already is.

Relationships are hard, this is one of the things you'll have to figure out about your relationship that other people won't be too much help with.
Kimmaria
 
  1  
Reply Wed 18 May, 2016 10:19 am
@ehBeth,
No, he's not my first love, but I always chose to leave my other relationships. So, since he was the one who was left, I can't help but feel insecure about the fact that he might always love and want her more than me. I know he loves me, but I can't help but feeling insecure about the fact that he would probably would still be with her if she hadn't have left him. Just wanted some opinions on it.
Kimmaria
 
  1  
Reply Wed 18 May, 2016 10:22 am
@Robert Gentel,
Thanks for your reply. I appreciate it.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  3  
Reply Wed 18 May, 2016 10:23 am
@Kimmaria,
Are your past loves still focused on regaining your love?
Kimmaria
 
  1  
Reply Wed 18 May, 2016 10:23 am
@CoastalRat,
Thank you for your reply. That helped, I appreciate it.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  3  
Reply Wed 18 May, 2016 10:25 am
@Kimmaria,
Kimmaria wrote:
I can't help but feeling insecure


that is something about you that you are going to have to work out - perhaps on your own, perhaps with the support of a counsellor, perhaps with your boyfriend in attendance at some point
__

unless you're 12 or 13, you're unlikely to be with your first love

people move on to good, lasting relationships with people who aren't their first love. Your insecurity is a separate issue.
0 Replies
 
Kimmaria
 
  1  
Reply Wed 18 May, 2016 11:41 am
@ehBeth,
Well, one of them was, but Im not sure about the others. I guess I just feel like when someone else ends the relationship, there's always that fear that they would still live and want that person, even if they know they can't have them. That's why it's so hard for me to allow myself to be with this person, because my stupid insecurities keep getting in my way Sad
I don't know how to get that out of my mind :/
0 Replies
 
 

Related Topics

A good cry on the train - Discussion by Joe Nation
Divorce and stay friends.. - Discussion by shewolfnm
Family Relationship - Question by Krisqiyajie
What fault can I base on if any - Question by confusedtina
I want a divorce - Question by conflictedthoughts
Why is Divorce preferable to adultery? - Question by maxdancona
What to do with the house - Question by jenfargo83
Divorce - Question by Misties
divorce with a prenup - Question by KoratMommy
Will Ex-wife Get Revenge? - Discussion by nycfunction
 
  1. Forums
  2. » NEED ADVICE PLEASE 😏
Copyright © 2021 MadLab, LLC :: Terms of Service :: Privacy Policy :: Page generated in 0.03 seconds on 04/11/2021 at 12:09:21