Hey ya'll. Thanks again. Ya'll are really helping me. Occom Bill, do you really think that moving on thing will really work? He's just playing mind games, granted he's a 17 year old boy but still. I'm just tired of him always being on top of everything. He's always in control and he always wins. Any one have any ideas of how I can get control of this situation? I haven't called him in a week, which is good. I just thought he would of called by now, but I guess stuff like this doesn't happen overnight. Any ideas about the control thing? I just want to stop feeling so powerless, not of him, but of myself and my life. And he is sure he is in control because like an idiot, when we broke up, I told him a million times i'd wait for him forever and he said it wouldnt take forever, just some time. Thats probabley why he's taking his time though, because he thinks I won't move on. I would think that too if I were him. Any ideas on how to fix all this? Thanks again.
vindicatedhope--
Not contacting him is an excellent decision. If he's going to contact you, he will. If he's not, you are spared the humiliation of rejection.
Meanwhile, you have a life of your own to get on with.
Control
vindicatedhope wrote:He's always in control and he always wins. Any one have any ideas of how I can get control of this situation?
. . . he is sure he is in control because like an idiot, when we broke up, I told him a million times i'd wait for him forever and he said it wouldnt take forever, just some time. Thats probabley why he's taking his time though, because he thinks I won't move on. I would think that too if I were him. Any ideas on how to fix all this?
Your young, immature boyfriend doesn't want to be with you -- not now, maybe not ever. The fact that he has distanced himself from you (and hasn't returned your calls from a week ago) should tell you everything you need to know.
Occom Bill gave you excellent advice. You can't control the situation, but you can control how you react to it. Don't sit around feeling sorry for yourself--drowning in the quagmire of your sadness. Do what it takes to concentrate on your education. Make new friends at college. Get involved in new activities. Move on with your life and become the happy and interesting person that you're capable of becoming.
vindicatedhope wrote: Occom Bill, do you really think that moving on thing will really work?
Yes. I really do. From what you said; I am quite certain it is your best shot. From your last submission I would also submit that if it works, your relationship will be better than ever, since there will be a mutual respect that was previously absent. I'd further submit that without this mutual respect, your relationship isn't worth saving anyway. Go have some fun. Real fun. This will work itself out. Trust me. :wink:
Thanks everyone. I hope you're right Occom Bill. Maybe i'm just expecting stuff to happen too soon. Thanks for everything. If anyone has more ideas, i'd be happy to hear them. Thanks!
Hey ya'll. So it's been about two weeks. Since i've heard from him. Well actually exactly 2 weeks ago today we decided to be just "friends" for the 2nd time, and it's been a week and four days since he's called me. But i'm staying strong and not calling him. Truthfully, i'm starting to feel discouraged and insecure. I just thought he would have called by now. I thought this whole space thing would work. Well, it still hasn't worked. Do ya'll think i'm just expecting results too soon? I need some help ya'll. What do ya'll think? My birthday is coming up in a few weeks and I'm so scared he won't call me. I keep telling myself not to expect a call. If I dont expect it and he calls then it will be a nice suprise but if he doesnt, I wont care, but I know that's not true. And i'm sad because it'll be the first holiday of our breakup. And I keep driving myself crazy with thoughts like "who is he going to bring to his prom?" I know it's 8 months away but still. I just wish I could prove to him that I won't be clingy anymore and that I won't mess this up again (with the clingyness and all). Grrrr!
Someone help please!
Oh and this is my horoscope today. Do ya'll think it's right?
You are feeling quite indulgent today and you are willing to do whatever you must in order to get your share of pleasure. Once you've started in the direction of fulfillment, you may be unpleasantly surprised that what you desire is going to take longer to get than you originally believed. Don't allow yourself to get discouraged, for that will only make matters worse. Be patient and you'll get what you need.
Doesn't sound like you've been out having fun... so he couldn't have heard about it. You are doing it half way. You are proving you won't be clingy, but that's not the goal. The goal is to enjoy your life. Start doing that, and he'd be a fool to not want to join you. Very real possibility you'll forget all about him. Start showing your naughty smile to strange men you find attractive, and have fun, damn it.
Go and have fun... but not for the purpose of getting him back. Well, if you need motivation, I guess that'd work.
Long long ago (heh) I kept running into an ex (we lived in the same small college town) and it seemed like everytime I did it was when I looked my worst. This pissed me off, and I started making sure that if I happened to run into him that day, I'd look the way I wanted to look. I ran into him at about the same rate, but looking GOOD every day had all kinds of auxilary effects I didn't plan on, and while that was the original plan -- look good in case I ran into him -- it pretty quickly faded. Then it just became habit, because it was fun.
Just have fun.
Occom Bill and Sozobe are giving you great advice.
Right now you're rehearsing for the Last Rose of Summer, Withering on the Vine. A perfect rose in November is wonderful. A withering rose, whaever the month of the year is not appealing.
He'll either whistle for you--or he won't. What are your contingency plans if he won't? Suttee?
Edit for postscript:
You have been both sensible and tactful by not calling him. Continue being sensible and tactful.
Also, Enjoy yourself.
Yep, you're almost there. vhope, life's too short to hang around and wait for, well, anyone. I realize you're in school, but perhaps you can take another kind of class (assuming it doesn't interfere with regular studies), like painting or the like. Just something different, with a different group of people. You might be the youngest person there, the only girl, the only single person, whatever. It doesn't matter, this isn't intended as a place for you to meet a guy to date, it's just intended as something else to do with your time.
When I was a senior in High School, my Dad and I took yoga together at the local library. It was offered, if I remember correctly, twice a week, at nights. We took our little mats and bended and stretched and really had a nice time. I got to know him better as a regular person, not just as an authority figure, and we met a lot of (for me) older folks. Everyone was very sweet. And, bonus, it kept me from sitting by the telephone on those nights, or watching too much junk TV. And the biggest bonus, of course, is that we both got into better shape (which reminds me, I really should go back to doing yoga one of these days).
Anyway, the point is that is was just a different thing to do. I stepped outside of my usual world of worrying about the length of my blue jeans and the style of my hair and was just, well, me. It felt good. It was fun. And I had a life outside of any relationship I was either in or trying to cultivate at the time.
There's a big, bright, beautiful world out there. Will you spend it with him or without him? Who knows? But one thing is for certain: you're going to spend it with you. So go out and enjoy that big, bright, beautiful world. Life's too short not to.
Hey ya'll. Thanks so much for all the advice. I'm so confused right now. I mean I really feel like i'm ready to walk away and move on. Not that I want to, but that I have to. But I still love him so much. My Mom told me tonight that she thinks he may have done all this for me, so that I could experience college without him dragging me down. Maybe she's right. I just wish he knew that I don't care about all that, that I just want to be with him. He just always sounds so sure that were meant to be, no matter whats happening. I'm still so hurt and angry. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to believe. But I know I can't call him. And I havent, not since the night I called him a million times. I'm staying strong. What should I do? And how should I do it? I just know I can't carry on like this. Everything that I do always has something to do with him and I dont enjoy anything anymore. Please help me. Tell me how to make this better...help me figure out how to survive. Thanks again.
Congratulations on staying away from the phone. That shows real will power--and it can't be easy to do.
I know your mother means well, but right now your survival and your serenity depend on getting this high school guy out of your mind. Don't talk about him. Don't analyze his motives or play "what if" or speculate about what he might do.
Try not to think about him--which will be even harder than not calling him.
What is the most interesting course you're taking this term? How many different states are represented by your Freshman class? Have you joined any clubs or organizations?
Focus on your life, not his. Good luck.
Hey ya'll. So im pretty upset right now bc I just found out he has a girlfriend now. It just pisses me off bc he told me the reason we were breaking up is bc he didnt want a girlfriend and look what he did. I am so mad. Its like he completley lied to me. Now I dont know what to do. I really want to have some major revenge and try to hurt him but I guess thats probabley not a good idea. How do you tell someone that they are your soulmate then two weeks later start dating someone else. And i've just been sitting here, waiting like an idiot. What am I going to do? Help me.
I hate to say this, but this is pretty typical for a 17 year old boy. He just didn't want to hurt you by telling you the truth...that he didn't want to be with you anymore. It's not at all unusual for 17 year olds to be fickle. It's proof that they're not ready for serious relationships.
Lots of guys out there, vh, lots of good times to come. Not all relationships are meant to last. Chalk this one up to experience and move on.
Don't let revenge keep your emotions tied to this guy...that's a losing proposition. Take the high road instead. Tell yourself and others that it was good while it lasted, that he's really a sweet guy, but you're ready to meet some new guys now.
vindicatedhope--
You haven't lost the most wonderful man in the world. You're well rid of a two-timing kid. So, you've given him an extra month out of your life that he didn't deserve--and you've learned that no matter how much you want something, you can't control other people's actions.
Read over this thread. There are lots of suggestions about moving on. Think about them. Your future is far more time consuming than your past--or should be right now.
Good luck.
OKAY, let him go! Find someone new! thats all i can tell you right now my mind isn't in thinking zone!
The best revenge is living well.
Hey ya'll. Thanks so much for all the advice. I really appreciate it. Nothing new has happened. He still hasn't called, but thats okay. I still miss him sometimes and I still love him and a part of me always will, but i'm ready to move on now. I realize that waiting for him wont help anyone, and will only hurt me. I realize all these bad things about him that I never thought about before. I know i'm better off. I'm just thankful for the memories I do have. Nothing is forever and the biggest lesson I learned from all this is you should never say "never" or "always" because that is just too big of a promise to make to someone else or yourself. So i'm not going to say that we will never be together again because no one knows that. I just have to keep going and enjoy my life and see what happens. What is meant to be, will be. I met someone and we're just friends for now, but it made me realize that there are so many amazing people in the world. And I should give them a chance, becuase whether he(the first guy) and I are meant to be or not, I should see what else is out there. But i'm not going to rush into anything. I'm going to go slow and take my time. I have the rest of my life for stuff like this. Now I want to focus on myself and being happy with me. That is the mistake he made. He ran to someone else to get rid of his pain over me and he will realize that it doesnt work. You have to deal with it whether you like it or not. This will come back to him eventually and he will HAVE to deal with it, because if he keeps avoiding it, he'll never be happy. But that isnt my problem anymore. I hope that he finds out how good he had it with me and there arent a lot of girls out there (especially 18 year olds) who would put up with so much and be so understanding for so long. I hope one day he comes back to me and tells me all this and tells me he knows he made a mistake. But it wont matter. Because I realize now, even if he did come bcak that it could never be the same. I dont think I could ever trust him again and I couldnt look at him the same way ever again. It would just be more painful then beneficial. And maybe once we are older and things change, maybe one day it will work out for us (if it is meant to) But i'm not going to wait. I'll trust in fate and keep going on. So what does that mean? Am I actually over him? No. Proababley not. But i'm getting there, and thats all that matters. The only thing that bugs me is having to go back to my old town and see him. I havent been yet and im always scared ill see him, either alone or with that girl, and that scares me. Or that he will come to this college next year.....or he won't. I don't know. So how do I get over these last few steps? Any ideas? Thanks ya'll.
vindicatedhope wrote:So how do I get over these last few steps? Any ideas? Thanks ya'll.
Party, party, party! :wink:
Just soldier on girl... You're doing just fine.
